July 14, 2016

The Art of Being Alone.

Author's own

A life hack that I’ve grown fond of over the past couple years, yet suffer over too, is the choice to remain alone.

From time to time, I’ll desire love, intimacy and connection but I always arrive at the same conclusion—that remaining alone is best for me.

Despite a deep attraction to someone and the initial love, lust and overall potential, I remind myself that it is not for me. For many, however, the opposite seems to prevail more often. As wonderful and joyous as relationships can be, my journey beckons me to explore new avenues of thriving.

Too much emphasis is placed on modern relationship ideals, from my perspective.

The idea that we have to be with someone to make our lives complete is a misnomer that should be re-examined thoroughly. My personal experience embracing aloneness has taught me the immense value of self-love. Liberating myself from the belief that someone else will be the solution to my happiness is not an easy solution in and of itself, but necessary if we’re truly dedicated to a path of personal growth and spiritual evolution.

In the past, relationships have provided the kind of lessons I needed at the time, such as working through familial issues. Eventually, I realized that I was fully capable of hacking into my own thought processes and began organizing new affirmations that supported being alone as a healthy avenue of fulfillment.

There appears to be an emerging culture of independent thinkers and lovers—people who are capable of enlightening themselves through personal development while learning to love themselves more unconditionally.

My own path has shown me the value of platonic love, which I cannot overstate enough. Despite the many long and despairing struggles associated with loneliness and love lost, we have an opportunity to dig deeper into our own subconscious where we might discover newfound senses of worth and purpose in our lives that no other person could ever possibly fill.

Being alone has helped me steer away from entering into more of the torment-laden relationships of my past. I’ve coaxed myself into states of acceptance, along with ridding beliefs associated with comparisons to others or feeling like I need to be further along in my development. Remaining alone has instilled the appreciation of presence and freedom to lead my life, absent compromise or consent of others.

Two pieces of advice to anyone seeking new pathways of learning to embrace loneliness:

Learn to assert your values and commitments that promote self-care.

I enjoy going on long walks or spending time in nature to ascertain my values and commitments that lead to healing old wounds and overcoming toxic patterns or behaviors.

Cultivate space for healthy friendships.

Rather than trying to date or get involved, I’ve simply let these old ideals go to the wayside and am learning to remain open for incredible friendships to develop naturally over time.

Nothing is forced in life, although we sure try to. If we learn to settle into loneliness, we might actually discover what we’ve been seeking all along.



When You’re Afraid of Being Alone, Remember This.


Author: Thayne Ulschmid

Image: Author’s own

Apprentice Editor: Theresa Wolfrom; Editor: Emily Bartran


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