When I Chose to Let You Go.

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When I chose to let you go, there was no great moment of triumph.

There wasn’t an earth-shattering epiphany that changed my life, where music played and the universe conspired to bring everything together for good.

There was no conflict, no turmoil and no struggle. No internal argument. No weighing of pros and cons. No decision to be analyzed to death—even by me, who cannot make a decision without weeks of obsessive thought over every possible outcome.

There were only two words, when I chose to let you go:

No more.

No more will I measure my worth against your opinion. No more will I be pressed into the shapes you carved for me. No more will I tell my heart to quiet down, ashamed of its clatter. No more will there be blood on my feet from the eggshells I walked on as I tried not to give cause for your disapproval.

No more will I anguish over the ways you misunderstood me. No more will I fight to justify the intention of my heart. No more will I beg for you to see me, the real me—to know me, to love me.

No more will I live my life for you.

When I chose to let you go, there was no holy encounter. The stars did not collapse from the sky and cascade into the oceans. There was no ferocious wind that rattled the walls or blazing fire that consumed all within its destructive path.

There was only quiet resolution, the silent death of leaves that drift to the ground as frost begins to waste them away.

And there I found myself, in the barren ground where you once stood; I came to understand there must be winter.

Winter in all its loss, its grief, its letting go.

There must be a time for old things to die, that new things may be born.

When I chose to let you go, it was for me.

I learned to love myself even when you made me feel I deserved no love. To honor my own needs, my own heart and my own potential. To walk my own path, not yours. To not be pulled back into your confines while my spirit yearned to be free.

When I chose to let you go, I made coffee, ate toast, and folded clothes. I went to yoga and collected my mail and paid my bills. There was nothing out of place on the outside of my ordinary life—no visible change, nothing new or different.

There was only surrender. One moment. One breath.

I chose to let you go.

And in doing so, I chose me.

~

Author: Kathy Parker

Image: Brook Cagle/Unsplash

Editor: Toby Israel

~

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Kathy Parker

Kathy Parker is a: Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter for all that is beautiful and good. Advocate for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. Freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, columnist for elephant journal. Writing first manuscript. Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, mother to four astonishing children. You can find Kathy at This Girl UnraveledFacebook and Twitter.

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Ismene Tsaconakos Dec 2, 2018 7:48am

Beautifully said! you put my emotions into words

Valerie Beaudoen Nov 30, 2018 8:56am

Insightful and action oriented. Anyone who felt this writing should also read “she let go”

Amy Simpson Nov 27, 2018 6:56pm

This is such a wonderful piece of writing; I LOVE IT!

It was as if you wrote this for me and the ending of a very bad marriage.

Thank you for this!

michael mitchell Nov 27, 2018 9:35am

Wonderful and real.
As a man I could relate to those words. I gave my power away to women and they chose not to love me. They chose not to love themselves and projected all their self hatred on to me. It took me years to process and heal and finally I have reclaimed much of my power and will never put up with those who would try to bring me down. I forgive and move on to a genuine life. Thank you for doing your work and sharing your wisdom. God is Love.

Chantal Barrette Nov 27, 2018 7:53am

Thank you.❤️

Dawn Murphy Oct 23, 2017 9:35am

💮🌺💮🌺💮🌺💮🌺💮🌺💮

Dawn Murphy Oct 23, 2017 9:33am

WOW.... .I could sue you for IDENTICAL THEFT....that's so uncannily accurate...WOW...oh yeah,thanks...

Julie Anne Driscoll May 2, 2017 11:46am

When you say goodbye to an abuser, you say good bye to abuse. Its freedom :)

Carina Avenant May 1, 2017 4:48pm

Beautifully written... Although I suspect it might have been written for a break-up, it also is relevant for anyone stuck in a narcistic relationship. Whether it be with a mother, father or lover... For those of us in this situation, please choose to let go!!!

Chris Bardy May 1, 2017 4:35pm

yes

Candy Viegut Apr 29, 2017 12:32am

Beautiful!! �

Faye Bourke Mar 13, 2017 9:04am

Thank you - exactly what I needed and have repeated to myself all day ....I chose me ....

Arijana Aska Jan 10, 2017 1:40pm

Yeeeeeees

Sharon Sebastian Jan 8, 2017 3:20pm

Absolutely enthralled throughout..beautifully written - thank you

Angela Blakemore Oct 18, 2016 11:22am

Timely as I'm not complete with my break-up. Was considering writing him a letter and this inspires me to simply write one to myself! TY!

Kathy Parker Oct 14, 2016 5:17am

Thanks so much Charlana <3

Kathy Parker Oct 14, 2016 5:17am

<3 <3 <3

Charlana Cook Oct 13, 2016 10:47pm

This is such a beautiful read. I felt so much while reading your story.

Monique Mazur Oct 13, 2016 3:05pm

Thank you for this, it was what I needed to read today.

Kathy Parker Oct 11, 2016 10:48pm

Meghan Dedrick - Perfect!!

Meghan Dedrick Oct 10, 2016 10:08am

Kathy Parker - 2018!! I have a wedding�✌�️

Kathy Parker Oct 10, 2016 9:50am

Thanks Kappy ���

Kappy Guy Oct 10, 2016 6:56am

This is probably one of the most beautiful things I've read in a long time. And on a day where we are all giving thanks here in Canada....thank you.

Kathy Parker Oct 10, 2016 6:54am

Meghan Dedrick - Sounds perfect! Definitely something to add to the bucket list! Likewise, anytime you're in Australia come and have a farmstay with us and check out our beautiful area of the world :)

Meghan Dedrick Oct 10, 2016 1:04am

Kathy Parker - Writer Sounds like a plan! Would be a pleasure to show you around! I am a Vancouverite....BC, living in Florida. Art Basel is a good time to come and winter as its not too hot & humid! We run a clothing brand from here so any excuse for a business trip, you can use us! Juana de Arco USA :--)

Kathy Parker Oct 10, 2016 12:26am

Thanks so much Meghan <3 I wish I was in Miami too!! Maybe a business trip sometime? ;-)

Meghan Dedrick Oct 9, 2016 8:07pm

I have read a lot of articles and by far this is the best one. Maybe because it reflects somethings in my life in the current moment but maybe because it is how every girl should feel and think about love relationships. It should always be a win/ win situation and here it is. You win either way. I wish you lived in Miami! My really good friend is doing an Art Basel event called @lovelostmiami. I think this article would be perfect! Today is last day to submit:-)

Kathy Parker Oct 8, 2016 9:37pm

Thanks for your thoughts Guerrero. The article was actually written from the perspective of choosing to let go of the ways I had allowed my heart and who I was to be dictated by the opinions of the world in general. However, those who have been in relationships that have been controlling, abusive or destructive to them in any way will relate - to that moment when they discover their own worth and simply say, "no more." And if a person on the receiving end feels uncomfortable with that, perhaps that's worth looking at the reasons why.

Erin Boone Oct 8, 2016 8:26pm

I needed this <3

Guerrero Arte Oct 8, 2016 5:13pm

I strongly dislike this piece. I felt uncomfortable reading it. The message in it is in no way flattering to those who are on the receiving end, and it also evokes the very same uncomfortable feeling that you get when you are broken up with. Nobody likes to be ostracized or to be told in great detail how you are unfit to be in someone's life, and the type of wording used here puts the receiver in the negative. It's just not a flattering piece to its audience, and that's why I'm confused as to why others seem to like it.