You weren’t Too Much for Him; He wasn’t Enough for You.

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo via unsplash

You always felt you were too much for him, with your spirited heart and vibrant laugh, your reflective mind and unabashed emotion.

Him, who liked to keep things simple, uncomplicated. Nothing serious, nothing deep, nothing complex. Nothing that would make him think or feel. 

Scared to frighten him away, you did what you always do.

You made yourself less.

Piece by piece, you tore off the parts of you that you thought would be more than he could handle. You lay them out thinly between pages of the tattered book you keep—the one that hides all the parts of yourself you’ve been afraid to show the world.

You made yourself more manageable, more palatable, easier to handle. Because if this is what it would take for him to accept you, want you, maybe one day even love you, then you would do it. It would be worth it, for him.

For a long time you pretended you were happy. Maybe sometimes you even thought you were. But sometimes those torn-off parts called out to you, and your body ached to have them back, to be complete again. No, you told them. You are too much, you’ll only frighten him away, as you pressed the pages together once more.

You tried to convince yourself you could survive this way, as a silhouette—no substance, no soul. But you were empty, hollow, wasted away. Weightless, you struggled to hold yourself up any longer. You needed those parts of yourself back, the ones that held you together, the ones that made you whole.

And so, one piece at a time, you began to restore yourself. Slowly, quietly. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. Or maybe if he did, he would somehow learn to love those extra parts of you anyway.

The more complete you became, the harder it was to fight the truth of you. You began to share your mind, speak your thoughts. To laugh with abandon, to allow joy, sadness, anger, enthusiasm, fear, confidence, love—all emotion—to flow from you like water, like the tears he always told you not to cry. You embraced your imagination, passion, creativity, intellect, complexity, intuition, your wild spirit and ferocious heart.

You became who you were always meant to be.

And then, he left.

You became too much.

You blamed yourself, as if you had done something wrong. If only you had stayed small, less. If only you had kept those parts of yourself hidden, like they had always been. If only you hadn’t scared him away.

No, dear heart.

You weren’t too much for him.

He was never enough for you.

You need more than a silly boy who scares easily. A boy who is only willing to dip his toes in shallow water for fear of the deep. A boy who has no interest beyond the surface of your skin—to the beautiful enigma beneath.

You need a man with the heart of a warrior, brave and loyal and fearless and strong. Deep and passionate and as filled with the complexities of the universe as you are.

Maybe you will find him. Maybe you won’t. Either way, it does’t matter.

For he is not the hero of this story.

You are.

Because you are enough. And all you will ever need is within you.

Within your goddamn glorious, wondrous too much. 

~

Author: Kathy Parker

Image: Clem Onojeghuo

Editor: Toby Israel

~

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Kathy Parker

Kathy Parker is a: Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter for all that is beautiful and good. Advocate for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. Freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, columnist for elephant journal. Writing first manuscript. Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, mother to four astonishing children. You can find Kathy at This Girl UnraveledFacebook and Twitter.

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Tyra Moorcroft Apr 6, 2018 5:39am

What I needed to hear today!

Mary Mitchell Poisson Jan 29, 2017 8:32pm

Kathy, Thank you for you! and for sharing and offering yourself to others.

Meredith Anne Jan 28, 2017 7:47pm

I'm going through this right now. And I'm walking away, not him.

Sara Shumpert Yorba Oct 30, 2016 2:07am

Spoke to me in my hour of need. Thank you!

Kathy Parker Oct 20, 2016 12:18am

<3

Kathy Parker Oct 20, 2016 12:18am

<3 <3 <3

Kristin M Davis Oct 18, 2016 1:19am

This was exactly what I needed to read tonight. Thank you for being the voice that validated my need to be whole.

Nahh Roji Oct 17, 2016 8:42am

I don't ususally leave comments but this is beautiful. Got this at a right time. Just scared away someone too. Thank you so much. <3

Laura Gerlach Oct 17, 2016 3:13am

This! This is the essay I needed about 8 years ago; better late than never. Xoxo a million thank yous

Wendy Gold Leberman Oct 16, 2016 2:16pm

Wonderfully put. Thank you.

Alison Dougherty Oct 15, 2016 8:18am

True and beautiful. Thank you

Karla Rohová Oct 14, 2016 10:20pm

Love this. Thank you for writing what I had been scared to say aloud. Beautiful.

Kathy Parker Oct 14, 2016 1:10pm

Thank you Jen! I think feeling too much and trying to be less is a universal thing many women feel in many different circumstances, and it's a step towards empowerment to see our *too much* as a gift �

Sue Lyall-Watson Oct 14, 2016 12:32pm

Thank you.

Jen Carnali Oct 14, 2016 10:56am

This piece resonated on so many levels. Not only for a partner, but for friends and family as well. Beautifully written, thank you for sharing

Faye Bourke Oct 14, 2016 10:17am

Brilliant ..thank you for the validation. ....needed it.

Kari Na Oct 13, 2016 11:00pm

Thank you... it is very difficult to accept and move one from this...

Kathy Parker Oct 13, 2016 10:04pm

Thanks Thayne ��

Kathy Parker Oct 13, 2016 9:08pm

Thank you Monique ��

Thayne Ulschmid Oct 13, 2016 8:59pm

Great piece!

Monique Mazur Oct 13, 2016 8:47pm

Second great one today. Love your writing and appreciate them so much right now .

Danielle Ona Oct 13, 2016 8:04pm

Yes! Beautiful.

Yara Vossebelt Oct 13, 2016 5:46pm

YES! Thank you Universe :) & Kathy ;) �