“I see my future in no one else but you.” ~ Unknown
Whether you want to hear it or not, the truth is he’s just not ready yet.
It has absolutely nothing to do with you, other than that you happened to be the one who has fallen in love with a man who still has mountains he wants to conquer before he thinks he’s ready to love you back.
You haven’t done anything wrong.
It wasn’t that you exposed too much of your heart, or that you kissed him too sweetly.
You didn’t even scare him off, or ask for too much.
My dear, the hardest thing to hear is that it’s not you at all.
Love-readiness comes at different rates for men and women.
Women are taught to follow the call of their hearts and that the rest will work out later; men are taught to be stable providers for the families that they hope to someday have.
It’s this ingrained thinking that we’ve internalized over this lifetime and taken on the burden and responsibility for. The thing is that it won’t do any good trying to change him—or his mind—about such matters.
The only choice you have to make is if you’re going to love him and stick with him until he’s ready.
It’s easy to say if he truly wanted you, he would be with you now. But we know that matters of the heart are seldom easy.
Sometimes, we have to look at the reasons why he’s not ready—not from a place of our own wants or egos, but on his level, and in appreciation and admiration for the man that he is.
That means if he doesn’t think he’s ready, then you have to support him if you truly love him.
Those who say that women should never wait around for a man have never really met a man worth waiting for.
I know you understand this, and perhaps your eyes started stinging with tears as you read a truth that you haven’t wanted to speak aloud.
The reality is that sometimes someone comes along and is so special and different that we fall in love without meaning to, maybe before either of us were ready—but if he is worth loving, then he is also worth waiting for.
There are no guarantees in this life, but if you find yourself having tried to move on from this man or rationalize why you shouldn’t wait for him by making light of his best qualities, then perhaps it’s time to finally admit that maybe the only thing you can do now is simply wait.
But remember this—waiting doesn’t mean locking yourself away like Rapunzel in a tower high away from the world and everyone else. Waiting only means you should dedicate yourself to your life and growth as much as he is currently doing.
Match his efforts in your own life—because darling, you’re not going to be ready for him unless you do just that.
It’s sometimes easier to see a break between chapters as the end of the story because who really wants to wait for what it is we most want. When it comes to matters of the heart, we usually want it right now. There is also truth to the statement that those things worth having the most are also worth the wait.
There is something so magnetizing about a man who wants to be better, and do better. He’s a man who wants to grow so that he will be your match when he finally steps toward you.
Stop thinking that just because he’s not next to you as you fall asleep that you’re not on his mind, because most likely you are.
Don’t speculate when you send a message or call and there’s no response that it means he’s not interested, because whether you receive a reply or not, he’s heard you and he’s taking it all in.
As women, we sometimes censor ourselves based on what we think a man can handle, or what we think he wants from us—yet, this is not how we find ourselves in love.
In order to be true to ourselves, that means we have to lead with our hearts.
We have to say those things that are on our minds, even if at times they seem impossible to speak.
We have to honor what our heart feels, even if that means we are alone right now.
There is a big difference between a man that isn’t interested—and one who is just simply not ready.
The biggest mistake you can make is to try and replace him, thinking that the attention from just anyone will fill that hole you have in your heart that is waiting for him. It’s not a matter of if you can find someone else, but whether you trust yourself enough to wait on what you know you feel.
To wait is never an easy decision, and it’s one that has to be continually made because at times it seems it would be so much easier to just try and forget about this man who stole your heart—but easy doesn’t always means it’s the right choice.
The more you honor yourself, the more you honor your choices about your heart and who you love.
Maybe he’s never exactly asked you to wait—but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make him sick to think of another man holding you close and kissing you.
You do have a choice though, you always have a choice.
Sometimes it really comes down to whether you love him enough to wait—because he cares for you enough to want to be the best man that he can be when he finally shows you his heart.
It may not be easy, and a happy ending is not guaranteed.
If you do truly love him—then how could you ever be with anyone else anyway?
“Love cannot be measured by how long you wait; it’s about how well you understand why you’re waiting.” ~ Unknown
Author: Kate Rose
Image: Blaque X on Unsplash
Editor: Caitlin Oriel