When things repeat in our lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of questioning our previous choices.
This may result in second-guessing our intuition. It can sometimes get tricky to evaluate whether something is repeating because on some level we’re still benefiting from the experience, or whether the Universe is asking us to make a different decision.
For example, recently my ex fiancé returned to my life. Throughout the course of our relationship, things were rocky. We ended up getting engaged, only to have that end after 30 short days.
In the months following, we returned to each other’s lives, only to leave each other again. It never seemed to stick. About a month ago, we returned once more and had good conversations that were healing, for both of us, and we walked away again.
This time, instead of feeling crushed, I felt relieved.
It was clear that this relationship was officially over and that neither one of us would be returning to the other. We used this final opportunity to apologise for things that were left unsaid, to release each other once and for all and to walk away fairly unscathed. This is an example of something that repeated until the healing was complete.
The Universe sends us people, situations and circumstances that are going to help us to grow and sometimes the lessons associated with growth can be painful. We can minimize any pain associated with our growth lessons by following a few simple guidelines:
Notice the pattern.
All we have to do is acknowledge it mentally, verbally and emotionally. For instance, are you continuously in difficult relationships where you aren’t being heard?
Evaluate how we’ve responded in the past.
If we continue to respond in the same way, we’ll attract the same things that we always have. Try the following exercise as a way of shifting the pattern:
Open your favourite journal and draw out two columns. At the very top of the page, write out the repeating pattern. On the left side column, write “This is how I’ve responded in the past” and on the right column, “How can I respond differently?” Take your time with this process and let it all flow out of you.
Is this a core wound?
A core wound is something that has repeated for you throughout most of your life and is so engrained in your everyday life that it seems completely normal.
For example, after this significant relationship of mine ended, I found myself evaluating why I continuously “lose” people. I often asked myself, “What is it about me that drives people away?”
This question coupled with memories of my ex continuously reminding me that I triggered him, and that my behaviour was not “peaceful”, made me question my spiritual path.
In actuality, I seemed to get along great with everyone but him. After the initial breakup, I went into a cycle of self-evaluation and self-discovery. Eleven months later, I’ve concluded that although I’m always going to be on a path of self-improvement, he was simply mirroring my belief that I always lose people—he left me again and again, for various reasons.
My core wound was Abandonment.
Core wounds take some time to work through, but I’ve found the following process extremely helpful in bringing light to them and with light, there is healing available:
Focus on your childhood.
Go to the earliest childhood memories and begin by making a list.
I asked myself, “Where have I felt abandoned in my childhood?” Ask a question relevant to your situation and write freely until the lightbulb moments arrive, as they inevitably will. Take time with this process, you’ll be surprised at how much comes out of you.
Bring yourself into the present.
Ask, “What am I learning from this?” and again write freely until everything has been written out. Take time to think about the positive understanding and learning that have come out of this situation. Has it shaped who you are now in some way? Focus on the light, the gratitude and the positive outcomes.
Focus on transitioning the energy.
Ask, “What can I do to bring light to this and shift this pattern?”
This is a great opportunity for us to review the previous list we made about how we could respond differently. Set up some actionable steps.
Healing core wounds takes time, lots of self-care, self-love and acceptance that you did the best that you possibly could at the time. Be kind to yourself as you discover these hidden chambers of your heart.
Although it can be painful to work through these things at first, the other end of the tunnel is full of awareness, light and healing.
Author: Felicia Marie Giouzelis
Editor: Erin Lawson