“You know what’s the one wrong thing we all do when we fall in love? We expect. And it just ruins everything.” ~ Unknown
We owe it to ourselves to stop using terms that set expectations for the romantic relationships we’re in.
Recently, there has been an influx of terms like twin flame and sacred union—and while it may be beneficial (to a degree) to be aware of these types of connections, we are also causing ourselves turmoil and may be inadvertently sabotaging these most profound connections.
In love, the worst thing that we can do is set expectations.
Whether it’s expecting that the person we are with is our twin flame, or that they’re even ready for this type of connection, when we start calling someone by a certain label, we also box them into a specific set of standards and expectations.
To say that someone is our twin flame is shortsighted, because with time, those connections we thought so deep might only have come into our lives for a short period of time to help redirect our life’s purpose. Likewise, we never know what each day will bring, and it may be someone who could possibly be the person we’re meant to be with in this life.
Yet, if we remain stuck on the idea of a twin flame, soulmate or sacred union, we may actually start to cling to people who aren’t meant for us, and we may miss the ones that truly are.
Just like with any bit of knowledge, it’s important to be aware of these connections, because when we feel a deep pull toward someone, it’s the universe directing us to do some deeper soul work—but the trick is to remain unattached to these labels.
We may think we know who our twin flame or sacred union is—but in truth, it doesn’t really matter.
Whether we call someone our twin flame or not, it’s not going to make the connection feel any differently. But in doing so, we will be placing expectations of greatness, of merging and of a level of intensity that can sometimes actually break the connection itself.
Instead, we should take all that we have learned about the various romantic connections and file it away. Not to discount them from existing, but to just have a more enriched basis for experiencing our relationships.
Then, instead of calling potential lovers by these intense labels, we can choose to simply see them for who they are—because the reality is, even if someone is our twin flame or sacred union, it doesn’t mean we’ll be ready to connect yet.
Labels don’t make any type of relationship easier—it’s not as if by calling someone these names, suddenly the connection will make sense or become easier. If anything, it’s just adding to the pressures that already exists when two people are trying to figure out what exactly is between them, and if it’s worth further exploration.
When we call someone specific “our twin flame,” we are placing an enormous amount of pressure on them—and on ourselves. We are saying that this type of connection will never be duplicated, and that we have spent lifetimes together. It’s saying that this relationship won’t be easy, but that on a cosmic, divine level we are meant for each other.
If that’s not a relationship killer—I don’t know what is.
What we need to do is enter our romantic relationships without any sort of expectations.
This means we can acknowledge that someone is unique and special—and that it seems unlikely the connection could be duplicated by another—but then just stop there. We can acknowledge our thoughts without projecting our fantasies and fears onto the relationship.
Instead, we can take the really radical approach, and just let things happen.
We can spend time with someone, learn about who they are and what their values are. We can spend time kissing them, and discovering how we feel physically and energetically around them. And, we can do all of that without labels.
We can simply choose to let each connection stand for itself.
When we let things simply be as they naturally are, we may then find that we experience less stress and anxiety. The thing with love is that no labels are ever necessary.
Whether such a thing as a twin flame or sacred union even exists is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what we call our relationships, emotions or experiences, because it’s the intensity of them that matters most.
No two people will ever affect us in the same way, that is already a given. Some people will challenge us because of what they trigger within us, some people may leave, and perhaps one day, we will find someone who stays. However, it doesn’t matter what we call someone—it matters who they are.
We love the person—not the label.
Sometimes it seems we are becoming so concerned about classifying our romantic relationships, we are forgetting that perhaps they are simply meant to be experienced and not analyzed.
Maybe that really is the point of love—that it’s not about what we call it, but about how it feels.
And if it makes you feel a little bit more alive, then perhaps that’s really all that matters.
“Overthinking is the biggest cause for unhappiness.” ~ Buddha
Author: Kate Rose
Image: Flickr/Khánh Hmoong
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina