I have spent years of my life caught in the same cycle.
Thinking that I was changing only to find myself repeating the same mistakes, albeit in slightly different and perhaps more mild form.
In yoga philosophy these habituated, often subconscious patterns are called the samskaras. They come at us like an undertow, complaining and explaining the suffering. We often see them clearly in retrospect.
I think of samskaras like an emotional rollercoaster going so fast that you can’t get off. Your view of life is blurred by how fast the ride is spinning. But unlike a rollercoaster, the samskaras are fueled by our own thoughts, actions and emotions.
Clear sight is often the first step in breaking the cycle. So how do we know if we’re in a samskara loop? We find ourselves dealing with the same problems over and over again.
Like you just can’t choose a good partner, you always seem to get fired, your friends and family are never able to fulfill your emotional needs, nothing is ever good enough.
Words like “always” and “never” are good signs. But an even more clear sign is how your world responds when you try to break the pattern. Don’t expect a celebration. Expect a major fight. Expect the people around you to resist, like an addict going through withdrawal.
If you break the pattern, anyone who wants to remain a part of your life step up and do the same. But the first step is the hardest. You have to stop feeding the monster, stop turning the hamster wheel of your emotions.
As soon as you stop adding more fuel to the fire, the cycle slows down, its inertia loses speed, and it eventually stops. Then you can get off the rollercoaster and start walking with two feet on the ground; calm, clear, present, whole, and finally at peace with yourself.
No one can complete you, make you whole or solve your problems. Only you can. You must decide that you are worth it, that you are strong enough to stand your ground, that you deserve what you desire.
I spent half my life looking to other people to complete me and I blamed them when they didn’t deliver the emotional fulfillment I was looking for. I used to think that if they said what I wanted them to say or did what I wanted them to do, I would feel better.
But then they read my script and acted through my directions and I sat there as the director of my own private melodrama. And I wasn’t happy. That’s because you can’t look to another person to fill the void in your heart.
Only you can go on the spiritual journey to find the true light that fills you up from the inside.
Only you can walk the path.
Only you can fully take responsibility for your own well-being.
There are no perfect people in the world. If there is someone that you put on a pedestal, the only place they have to go is down. But if you stand on equal ground with the people around you, then you can support each other as you climb the highest mountains.
Love and gratitude unlock the keys to fulfillment. No one can give those gifts to you but yourself.
You have to choose.
Every time you wait for someone else to change before you are able to be at peace, you give your power to that person. You have to take your power back.
All those handstands, arm balances and jump backs don’t mean anything until you’re tested emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
When you wake up to truth and see what you have been blind to all these years, you will know exactly what you need to do. You have to believe in yourself.
You have to be strong, strong enough for the light to shine out from your heart, strong enough to do whatever it takes, as long as it takes to finally get it right.
Author: Kino MacGregor
Image: Kino MacGregor Instagram
Editor: Sara Kärpänen