I am a romantic. I am a lover.
I live with my heart breathing open into others.
I’ve risked again and again for love.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I’m not afraid to say I love you first.
None of this means that I am not afraid.
None of this means that it is any less scary.
None of this makes loving any less risky.
Because the truth is, love terrifies me.
Stepping into love is the most vulnerable, beautiful thing we can do as human beings. Stepping into love is stepping into the possibility of being left.
Stepping into a healthy, secure love—a love that does not play games—means that we no longer believe we are unworthy of this kind of love.
I’ve spent five years taking a bat to my deep-rooted belief that I was unworthy of healthy, secure love and belonging. In the past, I chose partners who were emotionally unavailable, who wanted open relationships or whose hearts were focused on other women.
Choosing these men was safe, because it meant I would never have to do any of my own work. Choosing these men was easy, because it is easier to choose pain than it is to choose joy. Choosing joy requires choosing growth.
But just because staying in ignorant, blissful suffering was easier didn’t make it easy.
I was tired of pain.
So I gave up.
I unsubscribed to the “love equals pain” philosophy.
I remembered that I am worthy of love and belonging, just by being.
I remembered that I am worthy of a partner who shows up in mind, body and heart for me.
I chose lovers that made me feel loved.
I chose lovers who had the emotional capacity to show up for me.
I still get butterflies. I still feel like I’m being too vulnerable by opening myself up to the possibility of being left when I open up to the possibility of being loved.
The difference now is that I actively choose to step over that fear.
I feel the fear, but I still choose love.
Love is a collaboration of hearts and minds. Love is communication. Love is trust. Love is finding ease in the challenges of waking up every day and deciding that you choose this person.
Love is all of these things.
Love is terrifying.
Love is intimidating.
Love requires limitless growth.
But really—is there anything else?
What else are we meant to do more than love, improve, and love some more?
For those who are still battling beliefs of unworthiness in your heart, repeat after me:
I am worthy of love and belonging.
I am open to stepping into love.
I allow myself to show up in love.
I allow myself to receive in love.
I am love.
Author: Annabelle Blythe
Editor: Nicole Cameron