“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”
~ Sex and the City
There’s nothing unsexy about a single, available man or woman.
The first thought when I encounter a single person is never,“What’s wrong with them?”
But rather,”Why hasn’t anyone snatched this person up?”
Unfortunately there is still a stigma around the “being single” status, at least for women. Men are not judged as harshly for being single.
A lot of women would agree that being single can make a man even more alluring. The single “bad boy” who can’t be pinned down or tamed by one woman is a hot commodity. He’s always being chased by hordes of ladies wanting to claim the victory of being the one who made him settle down.
Women tend to look at their own single status with a “what’s wrong with me,” attitude which can’t be further from the truth.
Hey ladies, what happened to us being just as alluring, hot and untamable as the single men out there?
I have been unapologetically single since my divorce three years ago. Of course I’ve dated. I’ve dabbled in a few pseudo mini relationships here and there that only amounted to deeper levels of healing. These relationships offered me clarity on where I still need to work on myself.
For me, it’s in the spaces of being totally and completely single without the distraction of someone taking up space in my heart or in my bed that I have felt vibrantly alive, deeply grounded and most aligned with my true essence and style.
There’s a way to wear the “being single” label without shame, embarrassment or the false belief that it makes us look somehow less desirable, less attractive or less powerful.
We can forget being part of a power couple. How about striving to be a total powerhouse all on our own?
I personally feel infinitely more attractive, confident and desirable when I’m single. I’m not using a partner as a measuring stick for my own self-worth.
I don’t have to focus as much on having to look or behave a certain way or feel any pressure to be put together all the time, desperately wanting somebody else’s approval that I’m enough.
Instead, I’m forced to give all of this to myself. And although I’m a tough critic, I succeed every time. I use the space in between dating and relationships to work on truly loving myself instead of fixing my perceived inadequacies and flaws based on whatever made the last relationship not work out.
I’ve learned to enjoy my own company—become more self-reliant and learn skills I used to depend on a man to do for me.
I’ve pushed myself outside my comfort zone and explored being with different types of people I used to believe weren’t right for me.
I’ve challenged myself to take up hobbies that used to be of little interest to me and open my mind to ways of thinking that I used to look down on all because the person I was with wasn’t open to it.
But more than that, I’ve used the time to really figure out what it is I want.
Do I want a causal, non-committed dalliance?
Do I want someone who eventually wants to be a part of my family?
Do I need someone who eventually wants to settle down and be with just me or am I okay being with someone who wants simple, uncomplicated companionship?
Being single gives us time to figure ourselves out.
Time to grow and change and become the person we are meant to be in between the people who force us to grow and change and become the people we are meant to be.
The key to wearing your single status with confidence is to flaunt it like you’re wearing this season’s Versace.
Single is in. It’s stylish, daring and cutting edge because you’re the one wearing it and it looks different on you than it does on anyone else.
It’s all about how you wear it darling, so wear it well.
Trust me, it’s really never about what it is you’re wearing. It’s all about how you carry yourself as you strut down that catwalk! You’ll be surprised how many people you’ll be the envy of when you start wearing that label like there’s no other one you’d rather be wearing.
Author: Dina Strada
Image: flickr/Noel Foglia
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock