February 5, 2017

How to Love Her When She’s Been Broken.

She’s been through hell, but she found you.

She found you and if she decides to keep you, she sees something in you.

Somehow, her chaotic heart has found peace with you.

Her heart has been shattered before and it has taken everything for her to allow herself to have these feelings again—these feelings for you.

It has taken everything for her to allow herself to trust you and to trust herself to have these simultaneously confusing and amazing emotions again. If you’re lucky, she’ll allow herself to be stupid enough to love you.

Don’t forget, that she has been broken before. Your relationship will be rocky at times. She is probably going to waiver. She may try to run or she may put up her guard as soon as things get hard. But, if you are willing to learn about her and to teach yourself how to stick it out and handle her on her bad and doubt-filled days, your bond with her will be unbreakable.

You have been given the opportunity to teach her that not all relationships are the same and that love doesn’t have to suck—don’t prove her right.

She’s begging you to prove her wrong.

Here’s a few things to remember so you can love her a little better:

Sometimes she is going to hurt.

And sometimes this hurt will have nothing to do with you.

Even if things are going well, allowing herself to actually be happy with someone else can bring back sh*tty memories. It can send all of her fears sprinting back at her—when all of a sudden she realizes that she is happier with you than she was when she was on her own.

She will feel exposed and vulnerable—emotions that she has fought to keep away since rebuilding herself.

Understand that she will have feelings and emotions that go deeper than just you. Don’t patronize her for having these feelings. She is going through a struggle to be with you. She is busting down walls that she has spent months, maybe even years, meticulously constructing to protect herself.

Sometimes she is going to withdraw. 

She is going to need to remember that she doesn’t need you.

She might feel like her happiness is becoming too dependent on you. And she is going to become scared—because what is she going to do if the relationship fails?

She has been in that boat before, and it sucked. Sometimes she may need to take a small hiatus from the relationship—go out for a girls’ night or stay in and just be to herself.

She is going to have times where she needs to find happiness outside of you and to remember that there is happiness outside of your relationship. She can’t invest her whole self, so never expect that much from her. Her whole self isn’t meant to be invested anyway—she has to keep pieces of her that are just for her.

She is going to ask questions.

She’s been blindsided before. She is going to want to periodically check in on your emotions—and she is going to need you to let her in.

Open up to her and tell her how you feel. Talk openly about your relationship. Tell her the things you love about her and the special things about the relationship you share. Never hide your heart from her.

She has had things hidden from her before, and she has trained herself to sniff out lies and half truths. Answer the questions that concern your happiness together. No relationship is naturally perfect. They all demand communication and work. Let her know what bothers you, but don’t forget to also let her know what you love about her. Learn to be an open book for her when she needs you to be, and she will do the same for you.

Once she decides to stay, she’s not going to give up easily. 

She knows how hard relationships are. Once she is in deep, she’s not going to run away when things get rocky. If you see her through the scary beginnings of your relationship, she is going to be determined to not throw the love away if she knows that this love is worth it.

Once you get her trust, realize what you have accomplished. You have won a damn prize that isn’t easy to come by, but that doesn’t mean you can just coast now.

Continue to put in work. Never forget how special and unique she is. Just because she let herself become yours, don’t stop communicating. Don’t stop telling her she is special. Don’t stop working. Never stop trying to improve.

She broke down strong walls for you—remember that.


Author: Emily Cutshaw

Image: Helen Alfvegren/Flickr

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

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