How Women ruin Good Men.

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I heard the familiar ding of a text message.

I picked up my phone and glanced at it nonchalantly. I continued stirring the ground beef for the lasagna I was making for dinner.

It was my friend Jeremy. He had been through a really bad breakup and I had spent a lot of time talking to him and helping him through it. I hadn’t heard from him for a while and I assumed that things were better in his world now, and that he had found his emotional sea legs.

Jeremy: Hey! How are you?

Me: I’m awesome. How are things in your world?

Jeremy: Well, the other day a girl laughed at the size of my penis.

Me: WTF? That’s horrible! I am so sorry. Some women are so vicious that I’m ashamed to share
the same gender with them. I assume you are seeing a new girl and this isn’t the old girlfriend?

Jeremy: Yeah, I was seeing a new girl, lol.

Me: Good riddance to that one!

A few more minutes of small talk ensued and then:

Jeremy: Hey, I need your opinion on something.

Me: Sure

The minute I pressed the send button, little alarm bells started going off in my head. What exactly had I just agreed to give my opinion on?

Jeremy: I really need to know…

Oh boy, here it comes. I removed the ground beef from the burner because I was no longer paying attention to it and with my luck, I’d burn my house down.

Me: Wait. Are you asking me to tell you if I think your penis is small or average or huge?

Jeremy: Yes. I trust you.

Holy crap!

My mind went completely blank as I started to panic. I stared at the screen and wondered what to do when three words caught my attention, “I trust you.”

This sweet gentle man certainly had no reason to trust a woman. In the time I had known him, his interactions with women had repeatedly shown him that women were not to be trusted. Putting his trust in me was a leap of faith and I couldn’t throw his courage back in his face. I gave myself a pull-yourself-together mental shake and messaged him back.

Me: I am a medical professional. You could ask me to look at your haemorrhoid and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. But this is a bit different. Are you sure you want to go there?

Jeremy: Yes. As a friend, I trust you to tell me the truth.

Me: I can do it as a friend if that is what you really want. But at the end of the day, this is more about you recognizing your value as a person and being confident about who you are, inside and out. When you really love yourself, you will find a woman who loves everything about you and penis size won’t matter to her. 

Jeremy: I can agree with that, but I really just need to know.

Me: Okay

Jeremy: So should I just send a picture now?

Me: Sure

My palms started to sweat, so I put my phone down on the kitchen counter. “It’s just a penis,” I remind myself. “I’ll think of it like a picture in a textbook, except there won’t be any pathology to note—hopefully. But this isn’t just any penis, this is my friend’s penis. The worst part is, I’m a terrible liar. What if it’s one of those one inch penises that women whisper about?

I seriously hate that voice in my head. She’s such a pain in the ass.

My mental battle was interrupted by the ding of my phone. I glanced down at the offending electronic device as if it was to blame for my predicament.

It was time to pull up my big girl panties. I picked up my phone and slid my finger across the screen to view the message.

And there it was.

My first unsolicited cock shot.

Ok, time for an objective opinion. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and looked at the penis on my screen. It was not a porn star penis but it wasn’t a micropenis either. This was not a penis that women were going to talk about over drinks because it didn’t fall at either end of the measuring tape. If a woman loved this man, she could love this penis.

Thank you Joseph, Mary and sweet baby Jesus!

Me: You have nothing to worry about my friend.

Jeremy: Really?

Me: Yes, absolutely. You do not have a teeny tiny. Now, you and your penis need to go find a good woman who will love you both unconditionally!

I chatted with Jeremy for a bit longer and then I went back to making lasagna and hopefully he went back to his day feeling happier and more confident.

As I layered the noodles in the bottom of the pan, I deliberated what had just happened.

How could a woman who had taken the time to get to know a man and, deciding that she liked him enough to move their relationship to the next level, then cruelly and heartlessly mock him?

Is it just me or are women becoming increasingly cruel and vicious?

Before you bring out your pitchforks and tie me to a burning stake for calling women cruel and vicious, let me say that as I am woman, I feel that I am within my right to call out my own gender on their shitty behavior.

And in a lot of ways, it has become quite shitty.

Here’s a good man who stepped up to the plate and raised his son from infancy when the mother took off. He opened up his heart and family to a womanand when he was at his most vulnerable, she mocked the very source of his manhood—the size of his penis.

I constantly hear women complaining that there are no good men left anymore. Maybe that’s because women are ruining them?

I cannot say for certain that my friend will not be permanently damaged by this woman. Her cruel and hurtful mocking will definitely have a deleterious effect on him, but to what extent, I do not know. She may well have ruined him for the next lady lucky enough to meet him.

When are we going to start realizing that hurting someone’s self esteem is like sneezing on them when you have a cold—it spreads. When someone’s self esteem has been damaged, they will often hurt other people in an effort to protect themselves by not allowing anyone to see their vulnerable places.

Worse yet, if you do not love yourself, which is what low self esteem is all about, then you cannot be vulnerable to another person—you cannot truly love someone.

So there you have it: Cruelty prevents love and that’s why it spreads like a virus when it touches people.

Historically, women have often been the victims of abuse and control due to our diminished size and strength in comparison to a man. However, when we won the right to vote, we did not win the right to turn the tables of abuse and become the abusers. The empowerment of women was not intended to turn us into cold, cruel, heartless bitches. Being a feminist does not mean that we have to be man haters.

I often see memes proclaiming the female poster to be a strong woman who doesn’t care if people think she’s a bitch. Ladies, how we have gotten this so wrong?

Being a strong, independent woman does not mean you have to be a bitch. While the ruthless business woman, who claws her way to the top and destroys anyone who stands in her path, has somehow become the poster child for what a strong women should be, she is actually the complete antithesis.

Strong women are intelligent, empathetic, informed, capable, and they have resolve and gumption and above all, they are kind. That’s right, kind.

Kindness is a strength, not a weakness.

So if you are a good woman who understands this and you’re living the life of a truly strong woman, I applaud you. However, if you happen to be one of those self- proclaimed, tough-as-nails, man-eating bitches, who is taking down good men like the plague, it’s time for you to check yourself at the door.

There are far better ways of proving you are a strong woman than destroying someone.

And remember—karma is watching.  

~

~

~

Author: Jennifer Lemky

Photo: Gregorio Puga Bailón/Flickr 

Editor: Lieselle Davidson

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Jennifer Lemky

Jennifer Lemky is self-made, successful entrepreneur, working in the male dominated Oil and Gas Industry of Northern British Columbia. She is a single mother of four and lives on a 160 acre hobby farm with her children, horses and an ancient tractor that kicks her butt almost daily. Visit her at her website, on Facebook and on Twitter.

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Rick Gone Oct 6, 2018 3:59am

Jennifer Shaw you females cant take gender responsibility for YOU FEMALES BEING ASSHOLES PLAIN AND SIMPLE AND RACIST

Rick Gone Oct 6, 2018 3:58am

There are no REAL women anymore. Just feminist racist arrogant rude stuck up bitches

Rick Gone Oct 6, 2018 3:56am

Notice how all black peoples’ and especially black men’s comments are deleted and not shown... you females are horrible. All races. Especially you white or Asian or other race attractive, not ghetto, ones. You females are seriously rude evil stuck up, ARROGANT, bitches and ignorant; men hating, shallow, difficult, snobs and especially you racist white or asian or just not black females.. that are attractive, slim, pretty on the outside but ugly as hell on the inside. Fuck you people for making females important and REAL TRULY RARE GREAT MEN die and especially fuck you people and females for making me die and not exist literally and you white or asian or simply just not black, attractive females in Maryland DC PA VA.. for being racist arrogant stuck up ignorant assholes and bitches.

Rick Gone Oct 6, 2018 3:52am

You females are seriously a feminist asshole mentally fucked up and racist (you white attractive females-lost cause) you females are too goddamn arrogant and feminist

Rick Gone Oct 6, 2018 3:50am

...fuck you people for deleting my voice... fuck you people for being able to do what you motherfuckers do to people

James A. Boylan Jun 2, 2018 3:04am

I always thought I would find the love of my life. The pain that I had experienced from women has just hurt me too much to trust again, and at my age I don’t see a reason to bother. I have enough money to enjoy myself and live comfortably, I now feel I am at a point in my life where I come first. Funny thing is I feel awful about this, but now I will listen to my brain instead of my heart.

Brian Giller Mar 16, 2018 2:40pm

Where I am at: I have accepted the fact that I will never find a woman that loves me like my parents loved me or even close. I wanted it so much, I wanted to love a woman and give her all of me, I wanted to truly give 100℅ of my heart to her. Give and receive on the same levels, but I know it isn't going to happen. I would do anything for a woman who could give herself completely to me, but I think they are gone. So, I will be alone and have no expectations anymore.

Elle Stuart Mar 7, 2018 12:17pm

It’s unfair to say women ruin men we are not all the same it’s down to a person not a gender both genders have rubbish behaviour why are people always stereotyping and gender boxing a person is more than their gender

Ashenafi Negash Jan 19, 2018 10:28am

We,males might be physically strong....but what matters is the emotional weakness we have....women don't understand that...even sometimes they got you confused....they don't really know what they want from us.....they won't let you go or stay.......males are more narssistic than females......so,whenever an emotional insult happen to us , we turn out to be physical because that is the only thing we have left after every girl take away our mentalizing ability

Pike Janice Dec 11, 2017 6:37pm

This article really did not sit well with me. I find it interesting that as a woman, you have chosen to speak against women as being equal oppressors to men on the heels of the "me too" movement. It reminds me of the "ALL lives matter" movement and all the many things that are so wrong with it. One woman, making a horrible choice (albiet one you were not present to witness - your friend didn't say she said anything about the size of his penis, but rather just laughed. Did he assume her laughter was related to his size? Was she laughing simply because some people find penises/genitalia funny and was being immature? Who knows. We were not there.) in an (assumed) vulnerable moment does not make her a "bitch" using her feminism and hard won "equal" rights to abuse this man. We have ALL said/done/hurtful shitty things to others whether we have meant to or not. Men and women. And it is never OK. But Your using this situation to even the playing feild on the heels of the "me too" movement is appalling to me. There is a HUGE difference between the abuses of power that women have been on the receiving end of for decades and a woman (ie a person) saying a hurtful shitty thing in relationship. It is not the "same" nor should it be compared as such. It is why the "all lives matter" movement is so damaging. There IS a difference for the disenfranchised in their experience and their need for a voice and support. Your choosing to do this on the heels of women just beginning to gain traction in this issue, is so many kinds of not O.K. and makes me wonder why, as a woman, you feel compelled to do this. I agree with others: your friend's using you to show you his dick to me is also really messed up. You say you "work in the medical field" how so? Are you a urologist? Are you HIS doctor? Your bio says you have a hobby farm and work in the oil industry. I would never in a million years have any of my male friends ask me to view and confirm the size of their dick. None of them would. And I am someone many of my male friends confide in about their sexual struggles or insecurities. Men grow up with a hyper awareness of penis size. All the men I have known and know have shared about the ways they figured out their standing in that realm as young men...in locker rooms, mostly, seeing their brothers, father's etc. I think most men have a VERY good idea where they stand with that by the time they are adults. And as another reader said, he could have googled it. Or asked HIS DOCTOR. Not you - it's ironic to me, cause I see YOU as being on the recieving end of the very innapropriateness and male priviledge that would allow this guy, friend or not, to think it was OK to ask you to do that. YOU make it clear you were not comfortable. Yet you did it. To "help" him. It smacks of the very bullshit that is behind the VERY real differences in how men have been allowed so much leaway in their sexual bahavior and exposure of it to women. AND you go further to take him doing that as to write an article SHAMING women for being so fucked up and "destroying good men." YOU are part of the problem. A big part. And I don't think, via this article, you are even close to seeing that. Yes, men hurt women, Yes, women hurt men, just as men hurt men and women hurt women. As humans we say and do shitty things. But to choose this piece and to include this anger at, as you see it, the misuse of women's hard earned victories by being in being respected and heard at the "me too" movement is gaining steam, by being "bitches" is pretty disgusting. I have not said any hurtful things in my life because I "can" because I have voting rights, or read a book on feminisim. I have said them because I was a human who was hurting, or careless. Tying that to women's few victories is just wrong. I don't identify as a feminist. I don't "hate men" although I know some that do. They do because of the abuse they have suffered under the power granted to men, mostly in the sexual realm. Yeah, it sucks that "good guys" have to bear the reactions to that. Just like it sucks that as a white person who is not racist, I have to take account that I am white, in a society that has oppressed people of color for decades. I DO have responsibility, even if I myself have never committed an act of racism. I have benefited from my priviledge nad power. Just like the "good" and "bad" men in the world. I may not like it if a person of color has more come up for them in relationship with me simply because I am white, but I sure as hell have to respect that it may happen and take my part in correcting it. Your article smacks much more of the whining of the "all lives matter" it has a "women hurt men toooooooooo!' tone. Which is so unhelpful and actually counter progressive to the very real changes that need to happen in relation to men abusing their power over woman for so long.

Daniel Bagheri Sarvestani Nov 24, 2017 11:57pm

Very good read . Thank you :)

Tim Dibble Oct 20, 2017 5:28am

There is nothing more intimidating in this world than seeing the woman of your dreams in a group of girlfriends. You know that to attempt to approach is to bare your soul to every gut wrenching, mind numbing mean - demeaning comment a group of women can create. It takes a high level of asshole to be able to wend through that wall of critique.

Nazia Talat Jul 25, 2017 11:14am

I agree with most of it. The problem again is about power! Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Therefore, power should always have responsibility attached to it. And nobody sould have absolute power.

Kelly Robinet Jul 25, 2017 8:44am

Coming from a professional, independent women, this is BULLSHIT! Men and women alike have to take some responsibility for their own demise when they continue to pick the same kind of trash to be with. I have just ended my second long term relationship with another man who could not handle my independence and put me down all the time in order to deal with his own inadequacies. Men wanted us more independent, remember?! But they're fragile egos can't handle it. It leaves me crushed to put in so much effort to just have them hate you and try to ruin everything you worked so hard for..... No doubt, there are women who do the same... But you need to get your head out of your ass, because men have been doing this exact same thing to women since the dawn of time!

Rezo Kopaliani Jul 9, 2017 3:09am

Those guys just need a little more game.

Nikhilesh Prasad Jun 10, 2017 5:36pm

Seriously, its really nice , just amazing, i always thought about it but never dare to share with my friends or people, I do respect women, i always do, but i often got disappointment from them, however i was kind with them, It's really strange for me ,i just sometimes think its good to be alone rather than someone who always judge you, If someone truly give my heart to someone, then why, girls love to play with someone's heart ...... and then after everything says there is no good guy everyone is same, Oh god you make them like that. I tried to make her happy all the time and she says, i am psyche. After everything which i have faced my heart become cold for girls, yes i have few good girls friends and i really appreciate who they are. For God sake please don't play with someone heart, i believes in karma, i never abuse people karma does !! Thank you @Jennifer Lemky for such nice article , i shared with my all friends

Whitney Tiberius Stinson May 29, 2017 4:27pm

'the very source of his manhood—the size of his penis.' sorry your friend got his feelings hurt but you sure as hell dont know the entire situation, and neither do your readers. to call out modern women for 'ruining men' while entirely ignoring the existing power structure in today's gender dichotomy (not even gonna touch on transgendered issues in this one) in this hamfisted post-- and to imply that his penis is the Source of a Man's Manhood-- makes me wonder about your cognitive thinking skills.

Julian Young Apr 24, 2017 12:37pm

I have found women to be very callous and absolutely disregard men's feelings, we apparently don't have them, or they are a threat to women - I don't know, my narc-ex of 20 years made a management exercise out of mine - I have heard from many men about what amounts to abuse, I think just because women are programmed to believe men can take it - the misanphrope in me thinks it also appeals to the strong need of social status in women - mocking has always done that for people (regardless of gender). Consequently, it is not easy trying to hit on women as I always expect some form of mockery or public humilation, and I am 6' tall, for short men it can be a daily storm... And well said by the way, the last person to make a serious impact in addressing female psychology was Esther Vilar (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Vilar) and she still gets death threats apparently.

Åsa Kristina Poeche Apr 24, 2017 4:46am

Developed Man, I don't agree that it's modern feminism that's created this. Modern feminism is still about equality across the board and acceptance. This is something else. This is taking parts of feminism and adding it to being bitchy in way that's just plain unpleasant. But it also very much how a lot of women treat other women a lot of the time.

Åsa Kristina Poeche Apr 24, 2017 4:44am

Really good read. I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I'm glad I'm not alone.

Andrew Sanders Apr 15, 2017 9:56am

You make me feel safe thanks for being kind i do to and i feel the same about men.

Jennifer Shaw Feb 25, 2017 9:44pm

The truth isn't always an easy thing to stand up for, so brovo to you! As women, we should be allowed to call out our own gender. Men would be ripped after if they did it. I wish other women wouldn't look at us as traitors. I wish they'd see it as our opportunity to show men who abuse their power to control or hurt women what empowerment with grace is all about. Wouldn't it be amazing to show those men that strength does NOT equal control and abuse?

Jennifer Shaw Feb 25, 2017 9:35pm

Ted Robinson thanks for your comment. I love what you said about acting out of love rather than fear. I believe as you do, that many of our problems stem from acting out of fear or suspicion. I believe that we often act out of fear because that ancient part of our brain (the amygdala that I often to refer to in jest as the crocodile brain) was programmed to make us afraid and suspicions because that's how we world (and did) survive as a species. Our circumstances have changed but our brains haven't. Now instead of telling us to run from saber toothed tigers, our brains tell us to run from people we love, jobs, family, situations......or simply trusting the intentions of our friends �

Ted Robinson Feb 25, 2017 12:44pm

Jennifer Lemky Great response to James Young. I'm sure that he, and many women I meet, don't realize how they are functioning in a 'fear-based' reality in an attempt to protect themselves from being hurt. Your response shows that you were operating in a 'love-based' reality in which you simply RESPONDED to a friend's request and not ASSUMED he meant harm (whether it turns out he did or not). I find that when I do as you did, I get responses like James gave; that you had been had or in my case, thought of negatively. Many people, women in my case, don't realize they have a layer of fear up and therefore see kind acts as suspicous, and in the process make YOU the enemy and problem when the actual issue is their own prism that they haven't bothered to 'clean' lately. While I have been hurt in the past, I REFUSE to allow that hurt to affect how I deal with a specific woman, as she IS an individual, however I find they find it easy to look at my actions as suspicious or fear-based simply because 'kindness' has preceeded their past pain and I am seen as part of the "pack". You are a 'hell-of a woman'! Clone yourself and send her my way! (Smile)

Pamela Jackson Feb 24, 2017 1:19am

Love this article! I've said this same thing so many times, only to be called a traitor to my own gender. I'm grateful to learn that other women share my feelings. Thank you for writing this article Jennifer