If He Wanted to Be with You—He would Be.

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“If you can see a future without me, and that doesn’t break your heart, then we’re not doing what I thought we were doing here.” ~ That ’70s Show 

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I know this truth will feel like a knife in your heart—but, my dear sweet woman, if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

If this man who you’ve given so much of your heart to was able to understand even one iota of what your love truly means, then he never would have turned his back on the magnificent woman you are.

Love is rarely mutual, which is why when it is, magic explodes in the brilliance of stardust.

I know it seems like perhaps it’s just bad timing—that maybe he isn’t ready for you, or even that he’s not sure he deserves you—but none of that is the point.

The only thing that matters is that if he wanted to be with you—he would be.

For when a man falls in love with a woman, nothing can stand in the way. Not life, obstacles or even one’s ideas of readiness or worthiness.

Nothing.

Because as much as we’d like to think otherwise, there is no real reason that he’s not beside you this evening, other than the fact that he’d rather be somewhere else.

There’s no greater pain than loving someone and having them not choose you, but the sad truth is that it’s not your fault. However, that doesn’t make it his fault either. Sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way we want it to.

Sometimes it’s just not right—and unfortunately, sometimes it is right, but we choose to walk away anyway.

I wish I could tell you that there will be someone else out there who sees everything that the other man didn’t—and when he kisses you, you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with the man who stole your heart.

However, the reality is—I can’t.

See, there are lessons in love, and sometimes we come face to face with the kind of love we have only ever dreamed of—yet that doesn’t mean it will always have a happy ending.

Sometimes, in this life, we only find something once. We can say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that there are a number of people who can come together and be happy, and perhaps that is often true—but as you know, so much more exists to love than just happiness.

Yet, even that knowledge doesn’t make it any better—the only choice you have to make is whether you’re going to keep making excuses for a man who can’t decide if he wants you, or if you are going to choose joy instead.

Will you let go of someone who’s never been able to commit to you, and instead, make room for someone who will?

Someday, a man will come into your life, and he will simply show up for you. He will be present, he will be sure, and even if the fires don’t burn quite as passionately, he will stay where others only left.

I know that you love this man who won’t choose you, and I know that there is pain in your heart, because out of everything in this world, all you really want is for him to be there with you—but, my lovely woman, he isn’t.

Any man who really wanted to be with you wouldn’t be this conflicted about it. Maybe there would be things to figure out, or situations to discuss, but that would be something to figure out together.

Maybe it just wasn’t love for him—-or sadly, maybe it was, but he just couldn’t accept it.

We never know what each new day might bring, and while it’s tempting to just sit and wait for the perfect time—hoping that this love that feels so right might eventually come to fruition—sometimes it’s just time wasted.

We each take our own journey in this life, and sometimes these men we love truly do have to lose it all before they realize what they had—or could have had. Sometimes we need to figure things out and grow, but you must realize that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.

All the reasons he believes about why it wouldn’t work, or why it’s foolish, would suddenly seem inconsequential in comparison to the way your eyes make his heart flutter. The obstacles and difficulties would melt in the heat you both create between you—quite simply, nothing else would matter.

And so, sometimes the only choice we have is to simply love them from afar and welcome new possibilities into our hearts, because waiting can only be done for so long before it is truly done in vain.

No one doubts your love for him, but how long do you want to love a man who refuses to love you in return?

How long will you tell yourself that perhaps tomorrow is the day he’ll decide he can’t live without you?

As difficult as it is to accept, the only reason you’re not with him right now is because he doesn’t want to be there with you. Life is pulling him in another direction—or maybe, it’s just that he’s chosen to walk down a different path. After all, that’s the thing about love—we always have a choice.

And though we may wish he’d made a different one, the reality is—he didn’t.

As much as you may love him, the reality is that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.

“There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you. Remember that.” ~ ExtremeMadness.com

 

~

Relephant:

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.
~

Author: Kate Rose

Image: Flickr/Victoriia Z

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website

Nena Lipcht Sep 9, 2018 8:40pm

Oh Kate, your words are so beautiful. I recognise your words from far away...you warm my heart with your words like noone else...even if it's sad story. Thank you! ❤

Jyotsna Verma Aug 12, 2018 11:23am

Amazing article. Keep the good work up

Zynabe Zynabe May 21, 2018 8:52pm

But if you truly love someone try to prove to that person dont give up we have one life only at least we gave it a try to prove and we did something instead of doing nothing.

Sigrid Macarena Balbas Mar 13, 2018 8:04am

What if he comes back and you've already moved on? Now you're unsure if you want to take a chance?

Hannia Molina Jan 29, 2018 4:00am

So true .

Kelly Whitaker Oct 28, 2017 6:33am

This article holds one of the Universal truths that many of us choose to deny, and instead fantasize and " make up" shit in our heads to avoid the truth and postpone the inevitability of feeling ones heart ache. Denial prevents us from moving forward- That 90's cliche "He's just not that into you" probably fits most situations so I'll choose to believe this instead of ruminating about what a douchebag I may think he is(this is not helpful & may not even be entirely true) Besides, it always takes two to be in a relationship and two to fuck it up in their own special dysfunctional way.

Tyra Moorcroft Sep 16, 2017 4:45am

Wow , just beautiful and exactly what I needed

Johana So Aug 3, 2017 1:40pm

My thoughts exactly! Rather melodramatic article, IMHO..I say: relief and Good riddance! It's almost like garbage takes itself out. �

Michelle Monfort Jun 28, 2017 2:33am

Beautifully written.

Shivangi Saraswat Jun 27, 2017 9:04am

Hello , thankyou for this . But I am mature . I know what's the truth . He loves me and and that too infinitely . He is doing whatever is correct for me . And I too love him infinitely . But , thankyou .

Aidan Nadine May 12, 2017 2:16pm

While I found a lot of the article to be helpful and it rang a bell on various points I found myself "distracted" by something. In one paragraph, the writer states: "I wish I could tell you that there will be someone else out there who sees everything that the other man didn’t—and when he kisses you, you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with the man who stole your heart. However, the reality is—I can’t." (quoted from the article). And then just a few "statements" lower the writer says: "Someday, a man will come into your life, and he will simply show up for you. He will be present, he will be sure, and even if the fires don’t burn quite as passionately, he will stay where others only left." (again quoted from article). I got distracted thruout the rest of the article because my mind kept going back to this- if you cant tell me there is someone else out there for me (and that IS a very valid point) then how can you assure me just a few words later that there is a man that will come into my life "someday" and he will stay?

Rebecca Leitem May 12, 2017 7:15am

My exact thoughts! Hard to accept but damn if it isn't the truth!

James Yaple May 7, 2017 3:17pm

Yes, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. If you find that rare love that is mutual, it is magic. Mutual love is the key. The reason a man chooses not to be with you is he doesn’t experience that mutual love. How many things are you putting ahead of the man in your life? Your job, minor and adult children, money, time, materialism? Are you sure you love perfectly? It’s up to you to consider the love you receive. You can’t experience the love you give. This is not based on gender. Mutual love means you are both #1 in each other’s lives. If love is not mutual, then it’s not magic. It means you both have to work things out, even the hard things. There were a couple of places where the gender pronouns obscured the message. I rewrote them for my own clarity. We each take our own journey in this life, and sometimes those we love truly have to lose it all before they realize what they had—or could have had.’ If this person who you’ve given so much of your heart to was able to understand even one iota of what your love truly means, then they never would have turned their back on the magnificent soul you are. People leave when love is not mutual. You don’t need to leave to turn your back on someone.

Lilia Kharroubi Apr 16, 2017 7:13am

And what if he is married and he don't want to hurt he's family . He's m'y first and l'm he's first love we re meet after twenty nine years and it was just like we never been separated And know he's taken he's distance and i just can't take him out of my mind out of my heart out of my soul ...

Carlyle Frances Apr 16, 2017 6:37am

I needed to read this �

Scott Byers Mar 27, 2017 12:02am

It is VERY MUCH possible to love someone and even want to be with them, yet due to circumstances in that relationship, you're not able to do just that. Sometimes as hard as it is, maybe the best thing to do is for both people to move on.

Allison Hovell Mar 13, 2017 12:38pm

I saw myself in this. Thank you for sharing. It expressed exactly how I feel and what I know I must do...even though I have known for a while now...Its time...

Doug Adams Mar 10, 2017 7:21pm

This can also go the other way. Sadly I know this to be true.

Mai P. Tran Mar 9, 2017 11:50pm

#truth

Sarah Young Mar 9, 2017 1:30am

Great read, and very true.

Jennifer Everett Mar 9, 2017 1:06am

Goddamn it, Kate! You and I are living very similar lives. I know I'm coming close to this point "because waiting can only be done for so long before it is truly done in vain". I don't want to force his hand, probably because I know deep down that he won't choose me. We live 3000 miles apart, across an ocean, and have been together through the roughest five years of my life. I can't envision my life without him...but he's too scared to take the leap with me. Your article hit me hard in the guts and I've been quietly crying since I read it an hour ago, but it's exactly what I need to hear. I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm truly afraid I'll be alone for the rest of my life. He's my best friend, and I don't know if I can handle losing him...but then again, did I ever really have him in the first place? Thank you, Kate...a true soul sister.

Francine Sarah Mar 7, 2017 3:41am

Wow. Bravo and thank you. �

Andrea Treble Reeder Mar 3, 2017 3:43am

I definitely have this relationship with an old male friend and former lover. He skirts around discussions of the future and remodels the coast line home he will share with the mother of his kids in retirement. I probably lyrics need to have the talk. The talk that sets me free.

Amber Rose Mar 3, 2017 3:01am

So torn right now between this article and "How to Love a Man Who has Never been Truly Loved" �

Tresa Rourk Mar 2, 2017 10:20pm

You never fail and are always on time.