February 28, 2017

If He Wanted to Be with You—He would Be.

“If you can see a future without me, and that doesn’t break your heart, then we’re not doing what I thought we were doing here.” ~ That ’70s Show 


I know this truth will feel like a knife in your heart—but, my dear sweet woman, if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

If this man who you’ve given so much of your heart to was able to understand even one iota of what your love truly means, then he never would have turned his back on the magnificent woman you are.

Love is rarely mutual, which is why when it is, magic explodes in the brilliance of stardust.

I know it seems like perhaps it’s just bad timing—that maybe he isn’t ready for you, or even that he’s not sure he deserves you—but none of that is the point.

The only thing that matters is that if he wanted to be with you—he would be.

For when a man falls in love with a woman, nothing can stand in the way. Not life, obstacles or even one’s ideas of readiness or worthiness.


Because as much as we’d like to think otherwise, there is no real reason that he’s not beside you this evening, other than the fact that he’d rather be somewhere else.

There’s no greater pain than loving someone and having them not choose you, but the sad truth is that it’s not your fault. However, that doesn’t make it his fault either. Sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way we want it to.

Sometimes it’s just not right—and unfortunately, sometimes it is right, but we choose to walk away anyway.

I wish I could tell you that there will be someone else out there who sees everything that the other man didn’t—and when he kisses you, you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with the man who stole your heart.

However, the reality is—I can’t.

See, there are lessons in love, and sometimes we come face to face with the kind of love we have only ever dreamed of—yet that doesn’t mean it will always have a happy ending.

Sometimes, in this life, we only find something once. We can say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that there are a number of people who can come together and be happy, and perhaps that is often true—but as you know, so much more exists to love than just happiness.

Yet, even that knowledge doesn’t make it any better—the only choice you have to make is whether you’re going to keep making excuses for a man who can’t decide if he wants you, or if you are going to choose joy instead.

Will you let go of someone who’s never been able to commit to you, and instead, make room for someone who will?

Someday, a man will come into your life, and he will simply show up for you. He will be present, he will be sure, and even if the fires don’t burn quite as passionately, he will stay where others only left.

I know that you love this man who won’t choose you, and I know that there is pain in your heart, because out of everything in this world, all you really want is for him to be there with you—but, my lovely woman, he isn’t.

Any man who really wanted to be with you wouldn’t be this conflicted about it. Maybe there would be things to figure out, or situations to discuss, but that would be something to figure out together.

Maybe it just wasn’t love for him—-or sadly, maybe it was, but he just couldn’t accept it.

We never know what each new day might bring, and while it’s tempting to just sit and wait for the perfect time—hoping that this love that feels so right might eventually come to fruition—sometimes it’s just time wasted.

We each take our own journey in this life, and sometimes these men we love truly do have to lose it all before they realize what they had—or could have had. Sometimes we need to figure things out and grow, but you must realize that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.

All the reasons he believes about why it wouldn’t work, or why it’s foolish, would suddenly seem inconsequential in comparison to the way your eyes make his heart flutter. The obstacles and difficulties would melt in the heat you both create between you—quite simply, nothing else would matter.

And so, sometimes the only choice we have is to simply love them from afar and welcome new possibilities into our hearts, because waiting can only be done for so long before it is truly done in vain.

No one doubts your love for him, but how long do you want to love a man who refuses to love you in return?

How long will you tell yourself that perhaps tomorrow is the day he’ll decide he can’t live without you?

As difficult as it is to accept, the only reason you’re not with him right now is because he doesn’t want to be there with you. Life is pulling him in another direction—or maybe, it’s just that he’s chosen to walk down a different path. After all, that’s the thing about love—we always have a choice.

And though we may wish he’d made a different one, the reality is—he didn’t.

As much as you may love him, the reality is that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.

“There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you. Remember that.” ~ ExtremeMadness.com




We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.

Author: Kate Rose

Image: Flickr/Victoriia Z

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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Nena Lipcht Sep 9, 2018 8:40pm

Oh Kate, your words are so beautiful. I recognise your words from far away...you warm my heart with your words like noone else...even if it's sad story. Thank you! ❤

Jyotsna Verma Aug 12, 2018 11:23am

Amazing article. Keep the good work up

Maui Wowie May 21, 2018 8:52pm

But if you truly love someone try to prove to that person dont give up we have one life only at least we gave it a try to prove and we did something instead of doing nothing.

Sigrid Macarena Balbas Mar 13, 2018 8:04am

What if he comes back and you've already moved on? Now you're unsure if you want to take a chance?

Hannia Molina Jan 29, 2018 4:00am

So true .

Kelly Whitaker Oct 28, 2017 6:33am

This article holds one of the Universal truths that many of us choose to deny, and instead fantasize and " make up" shit in our heads to avoid the truth and postpone the inevitability of feeling ones heart ache. Denial prevents us from moving forward- That 90's cliche "He's just not that into you" probably fits most situations so I'll choose to believe this instead of ruminating about what a douchebag I may think he is(this is not helpful & may not even be entirely true) Besides, it always takes two to be in a relationship and two to fuck it up in their own special dysfunctional way.

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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website.