February 2, 2017

It is Not Your Fault that He Couldn’t Love You.

Please don’t ever think that it is your fault that this guy could not love you.

Please don’t ever blame yourself by thinking you just weren’t worthy enough.

He did not choose not to love you—he just doesn’t know any other way.

His heart has been cruelly beaten, bruised and broken. Barbed-wire runs from his hips to his neck to prevent your love from seeping in.

I know, dear one, that you tried your hardest to love him. You hoped to make him feel and heal and you desperately tried to seal every rip and hole within his soul.

I am sure there have been many who have told you he isn’t worth your time, your effort, your tender care or your attention. And that he doesn’t deserve your heart or your suffering and you should forget him and swiftly sweep those falling tears away.

But, you have a compassionate, consistent, forgiving heart that believes that if you just love him harder he might feel your love and change and open himself up to you. He might even lie under the midnight sky and softly whisper all the precious promises you’ve been aching to hear.

How many times have you told yourself this will be the last chance you give him?

How many times have you sworn that the next time he hurts you you’ll gather up the pieces of your heart and walk fast and far away?

You have somehow convinced yourself that you’ll never again love this passionately, madly or deeply.

So you stay. Enchanted like a firefly. Drawn to the toxic poison glowing from a flame that will burn and scar.

Instead of flying far away, you move closer and you love more deeply, regardless of how many times he triggers, challenges, stings or pushes you away.

But you couldn’t rescue and save him from the hell within himself.

Instead of escaping it, he almost pulled you in with him.

Not many understand how or why you stayed—but I do.

You know in your heart that love does not come wrapped in ribbons of conditions.

Your heart also knows that someone only shuts down or lashes out because they themselves are drowning in agonizing pain.

Even when he tries to mask his suffering with his broad shoulders and the gentlest smile, your empathetic nature means that you feel exactly how he feels inside.

People may think you’re weak for staying so long, but it takes a strong heart to continue loving despite all the hurt that’s been thrown at you.

It takes a great amount of courage to keep your heart open when the one you love has chained and locked theirs down.

It takes bravery to look into someone’s eyes who not only hates themselves, but hates you for getting near to their heart and stirring up their emotions.

It takes belief in the one you love to remain at their side when anger, rage and resentment rise up—all because you won’t allow their insecurities and self-destruction to push you away.

Hurt people hurt people and wounded souls inflict wounds on other people’s souls.

He has shown you the demons and monsters that reside in his darkest parts as he hoped that they’d scare you away. But he also secretly wanted you to see past them—and he hoped that you’d stay.

And you did, but it was like living in a war zone. He held all the bullets and you felt all the pain.

He was the king of his own pain. No one can take away his heavy, thorn-filled crown that keeps him down. Only he can remove it if and when he chooses to.

So now there is distance between you, but your heart won’t stop calling out his name.

Although you know that for now this separation is vital, it doesn’t make it easier.

There’s something not many will tell you. And mostly it’s because they worry and care.

His blackened, hardened heart still deserves love. It deserves limitless, heart expanding, unconditional once-in-a-life kind of love.

It’s not about whether or not he can love. It’s not even about whether or not you can stay knowing he isn’t open right now.

This is about you and your rare, exquisite heart that unconditionally loves and accepts someone whom others would run from.

This is about your willingness to remain with open arms when someone’s insecurities, flaws and faults trigger them to run and the surrounding darkness tries to consume you.

You were born to love, and this wounded warrior that crossed your path needed those healing rays. He needed to look straight through your eyes and see a flicker of what you saw in him.

He knew you loved him even though his fragmented heart was caged.

You were never weak—someone who is weak would never have stayed.

You are a strong soldier of love and although this injured one wasn’t able to love you back, remember that you are an essential and extraordinary force of nature and this world is in desperate need of more love like yours.


Author’s Note: This article in no way represents a relationship where there is any form of emotional, mental or physical abuse. If there is abuse taking place in your relationship please seek further support or guidance or read this. This article is not suggesting it takes strength to remain in a relationship that is abusive.




Author: Alex Myles

Image: Pablo Merchán Montes 

Editor: Travis May



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