March 8, 2017

Finding Your Inner Authenticity: This Groundbreaking Method may Shock You. {Adult}

OM, Orgasmic Meditation, is a practice I do each morning after brushing my teeth that combines the power and attention of meditation with the deeply human, deeply felt, and connected experience of orgasm.

OMing is a 15-minute partnered consciousness practice in which one partner strokes the upper left hand quadrant of the other partner’s clitoris for 15 minutes. It’s a goalless practice, meaning we don’t try to have a climax, and the purpose is to feel, connect, and be present.

It’s not sex.

It’s not foreplay.

It’s yoga for my orgasm.

With practice, I’ve developed a deeper state of mindfulness, have better intimacy, and stronger connections. It has changed my life entirely.

OM is a practice rooted in the feminine. There’s a 12-step container and wherever I go in the world to have an OM (and I do), the steps are the same. The container is essential. And by container, I mean a 15 minute timer, a nest which includes three pillows, a blanket, gloves, a washcloth, and lube, and following the protocols taught in the “Introduction to OM” class. Because of the consistency of the practice, my vigilance center can relax and I have more access to experience orgasm.

In OM, there’s an important distinction between climax and orgasm. Climax is a few seconds of physical experience, whereas the state of orgasm is continuous—allowing OMers to access an optimal state of consciousness brought about from the activation of the sex impulse.

Trying to get somewhere, to climax for example, generally leads to frustration, disappointment, and disconnection. Pulling for climax mirrors our culture’s obsession of arriving at a goal, as compared to simply feeling what is. This is Orgasm 2.0, a total upgrade to our operating systems.

I had my first OM four years ago, and since then I have transformed every part of my self. I am more at home in my body than ever, and my sex is radically fulfilling. I am truly feeling everything, and I know what I want—and have the skills and confidence to ask my partner for it.

The ripple effects of this mindfulness practice, coupled with my sheer determination for deeper authenticity, has been a gateway for my transformation. Everything from my sexuality, my communication style, my relationship with my teenagers, and even organizing my finances have been touched by the benefits of OM.

I can hear my inner voice clearly. I have healthier boundaries than ever, take risks, make decisions easier, embrace change, and have the internal power to fuel my desires. OM has a way of revealing parts of ourselves, like a mirror, to show us what is there. Through OM, I have become willing to confront my cultural conditioning as a woman to be quiet, nice, and please my partner. As a result, I have found more freedom, power, and love in all areas of my life.

Everyone’s OM story is unique. People come across the practice of Orgasmic Meditation when they feel more is possible in their lives and aren’t sure how to access it. I interviewed three incredible women about their OM journeys and noticed the thread that runs through them all is a stripping off of layers that no longer served them, and a revealing of their true authentic selves. They all found more connection and intimacy in their relationships and the internal power to fuel their desires.

Alexandra Stockwell

Alexandra Stockwell, a relationship coach, former family physician and mother of four, is currently writing her own bestseller. She found OM when she was pregnant with her fourth child. She was living in Kansas at the time and wanted something to sustain her relationship with her husband, Rodd, during the postpartum period.

She poked around on Google and ordered some intriguing books on sexuality. One of them was Nicole Daedone’s book, Slow Sex. She and Rodd were intrigued by the practice of Orgasmic Meditation described in the book and learned the practice. Like any couple, they had experienced many phases to their sexuality during the course of their 20-year marriage. Even though they didn’t have sex for many months postpartum, Alexandra credits OM for keeping the erotic energy alive between them.

The course of their lives shifted even more when Alexandra moved her family to California and took a deeper dive into her OM practice. Up until that point, she and Rodd only OM’d with each other, and she didn’t want to OM with anyone who had not witnessed the birth of her children. However, the desire to OM with other strokers wouldn’t go away, and together they navigated their feelings and decided to try it.

She had her first OM with another man and she just laid there, nervous, anxious, and scared. She was face to face with the internal conflict of her pussy as a mama pussy versus her own sexuality as a woman. She was embarrassed at being overweight and of her postpartum pussy, which had birthed four children. She was barely able to stay present for that OM. She was relieved when the 15 minutes ended, as it always does, and when she got up, she was clear. She had a gift to share: to teach people how to handle a postpartum pussy.

That day marked the beginning of a journey that truly changed everything for her and Rodd. Their sex now is full of many flavors. In their pre-OM sex, she wouldn’t ask for what she wanted. She felt it wasn’t worth the trouble to ask, because she worried he may think he was doing something wrong. Like many women, she was trying to navigate her own pleasure and hold his ego too. It felt like too much work, and their sex life fizzled.

Since Rodd started his own OM journey, they learned the OM communication cycles together, and over time, it seamlessly rippled to all areas of their lives, including their sex. Now she asks for the adjustments she desires: slower, faster, lighter, or more pressure. She knows more sensation will be present when she asks and she trusts he won’t take it personally.

She now understands that he wants these adjustments, as he wants to please her. She asks in a generous, non-critical way and the results have been astounding.

Alexandra’s message to women is that they have the capacity to transform their lives. The key to the kingdom is in their own hands. Orgasmic Meditation gives women the power to do just that.

Marissa Ward

Marissa is an energetic 26-year-old Orgasmic Meditation teacher and leader in New York City who is engaged to be married. She met her fiancé when she did a coaching program that took her deep into her OM journey. She and Chris are monogamous and consider themselves to be in a committed, “wake up” relationship.

Marissa wasn’t always concerned about living a conscious lifestyle, and was burning out quickly living a drama-infused life in her early 20s. She was more concerned with looking hot than with her own health. Before she found OM, she had put herself on a strict plan of eating uber healthy, coupled with vigorous workouts.

During this time she looked fit, had a good job, a solid group of friends, and from the outside anyone would say she was on the right track to a successful life. Except she wasn’t happy. She found herself unable to talk to her friends about things that really mattered to her. She didn’t know it at the time, but looking back she realizes all of her drama was self-created. She found herself in the same patterns in relationships: cheating, lying, and playing the victim.

Marissa hit a breaking point and knew she needed help. She went on a self-help guru search and worked with some amazing teachers, but didn’t find the flavor of depth she was craving. She wanted to explore her shadow side, the unknown “dark” parts of her personality, and she soon found a coach who suggested Orgasmic Meditation.

When she checked it out, she was touched deeply and felt access to the deep, visceral knowing of all the parts of herself she was longing for. She signed up to learn how to OM, not realizing she had just changed the entire course of her life.

Fast forward two years and Marissa feels more like herself than ever. She left behind the need to be conventionally pretty, and is actually more gorgeous than ever. The endless feeling of deprivation melted away as she started living from desire rather than strict discipline. She looks back and realizes that all of her relationships were a toxic mimic of the feminine, caricatures of the real thing.

OM opened up a different perspective for her of what’s possible in relationships. She desired attention and a partner who would meet her in all the different emotional spots she was in, and she found that in the OM community. She found people who were willing to be open, honest, and conscious, and it mirrored her desire for that too.

With Chris, she has the type of partnership she didn’t even know she always wanted—a “wake up” relationship. She describes it as counterintuitive, as it’s not based on comfort or security. She is committed to showing up daily for herself and her partner, as their relationship works to uncover the best parts of themselves. It’s not easy or comfortable, but she’s doing it in connection, and that makes it possible.

She and Chris have a daily OM practice, and it serves as a mirror for the rest of her life. She’s learned that there’s a lot of beauty and growth in the struggle, and she’s grateful for Chris, who recognizes that too. OM is the first thing she’s done as a daily practice, as she didn’t think meditation was for her. What she found through OM was discipline in a pleasurable, nourishing way. Her interactions with others are a direct reflection of her own personal orgasm.

So much of Marissa’s true self has been revealed through her OM-based waking up. She has more approval for her emotional sensitivity, as opposed to her pre-OM days when she had shame about her emotions. Her OM practice has brought out her natural leader qualities, and she helps others have access to being awake. She feels fully extended and fulfilled in her life.

She wants women to know that sexual health is vital to our basic needs as humans. She truly believes that orgasm, as OneTaste teaches, is the missing nutrient in our lives. OM gave her access to that part of herself and it’s made all the difference.

Bez Stone 

Bez is powerhouse sex coach who created a methodology for women and couples to have sex that truly fulfills them. She’s also a single mom of two kids, aged 13 and 8, and has been OMing for four years. Both of her children know about her Orgasmic Meditation practice.

When she was 33 years old, Bez left her sexless marriage and knew she needed healing around her sexuality. She wanted to date but felt retracted with men and didn’t know what to do. She often ended up in the “friend zone” with men. When she found OM, she was at the point where she would have tried anything to have the connection and intimacy she craved.

During her first 50 OMs, she cried and yelled a lot. She always thought she had to be noisy in sex. She had no frame of reference for a woman gaining attention without doing anything. She was used to performance based sex and felt the need to be loud in OM too. In hindsight, she didn’t even know what sex was. She could never hold still because she held a belief that if she stayed still, it meant she was boring and her partner would lose interest.

Meanwhile, she was starving for contact and attention from men but she constantly rejected them. She thought sex was about her looking good and being alluring and spicy. It had nothing to do with enjoying herself or venturing into unknown realms, as she experiences now. She would do wild things but was totally stuck in her head and felt unfulfilled.

After many frustrating moments, and lots of soul searching, she did something radical and stopped having sex for a year. She decided to rebuild her sexuality from the ground up. During this time, she practiced OM multiple times daily; it became her bread and butter. She was committed to her practice of expanding her capacity to authentically receive attention, as opposed to performing.

She had huge fears of letting go. She learned that behind her big walls were all of her gifts. She was protecting her power and knowledge, and it was waiting to be revealed. OM, being a repeatable and predictable practice, provided the solid container that allowed her walls to slowly melt.

She slowly learned to feel and receive. She wanted to start enjoying sex again and decided to start slow, using the OM container as a model. She used a timer to enjoy oral sex. She would ask a man to give her oral sex for seven minutes and she stuck to the container. She didn’t feel she had to perform or give back, as it was a solid, pre-arranged container. As she grew her capacity to receive, she upped the timer.

Bez’s OM practice changed her life. It stripped away all the layers, personas, and protective mechanisms that were not authentically Bez. It didn’t change her, but revealed who she truly is. It gave her access to let her love and power out. She has more approval for herself and her natural intensity. She always felt like a fringe woman who was too much and was told to tone it down constantly.

She had a lot of anger and was embarrassed by who she was. She had a willingness to rock the boat and now knows that not only is that appealing, but when done skillfully, it’s vital. She has come to know that when women keep quiet, everyone suffers. The difference is that now her power is authentic and calibrated. She isn’t trying to please anyone; she is living for herself.

Currently, Orgasmic Meditation is Bez’s foundation that keeps everything running smoothly in her life, like healthy food, sleep, and exercise. She teaches about the wildness, rage, despair, darkness, and intensity that makes up a woman, and is helping women have sex that is truly fulfilling. She knows what it’s like to have crossed wires around sexuality and she uses her experiences to help women around the world.

Bez always thought she was too much and had to tone it down. OM taught her how to receive from men and the world, and she is boldly living out the authentic, feminine-based, powerful life she has always desired.




Author: Brenda Fredericks

Image: Shruti Thakur/Flickr, pics of Bez Stone, Marissa Ward, and Alexandra Stockwell used with permission.

Editor: Travis May

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Brenda Fredericks