At times, you have been an intoxicating poison to my heart, and I have been chaotic and confusing to your mind.
We have danced, and fallen, and trampled all over this fated love, but someway, somehow we survive it all.
This is not what I ever thought love would look like.
No fairytale or ancient echo has ever told of a chemically charged connection like this.
So I disbelieved, doubted, and denied it. I stubbornly rejected and foolishly tried to tear it apart. I fell into meaningless entanglements with others to try to wipe these memories away.
But your unforgettable essence seeped into my skin and carved its way into my bones.
I have sworn to the gods above that I wish more than anything that we’d never serendipitously met. I have cursed the stars for scribbling in the sky and causing our paths to merge.
Despite the raging storms, you never faltered, crumbled, or drifted far away.
You watched, you listened, you felt, and you loved, relentlessly, throughout it all.
You’ve taught me how to stay despite my childish temptation to frantically fight—or take flight and fly.
You move and love me in such a peculiar way that it has taken time and patience to see its beauty and strength.
It felt so strange and unfamiliar—and at times cruel and cold—to be loved without you needing or wanting something in return.
It felt terrifying to have faith and simply resonate intensely without interrogating or questioning why.
And I have had questions, a thousand, million, trillion of them. My curious mind has never stopped searching for an answer that will explain why I am caught up in this cosmic, star-crossed bond.
But you trust. The captivating calm of your presence unravels me and forces me to be still, to stretch, and to grow.
You forgive my restless, rolling, unpredictable ways, and you never ask for more than I have to give. When the silence between us strikes, it speaks louder and clearer, and holds more emotion than any physical togetherness I’ve felt with anyone else.
We are a paradox—two complicated, complex, distant souls whose opposites magnetically touch. I cannot escape the galactic spell that this universe decided to cast. The blessing and curse is eternal and exists to teach me that everything I thought I knew about love was wrong.
So, I will cherish this unusual love that anchors, yet leaves me free.
You are my peace, my haven, my security, and you are also my turmoil, my turbulence, and aching tremors.
I’m surrendering and learning to accept that love doesn’t always give me what I want, but it always, always gives me what I didn’t know I need.
I’ve always been an “all or nothing” type, and you are the only one to show me what I’ve missed by failing to see the treasure hidden in between.
Even though, from the outside, this elusive, indefinable love may appear empty, weak, and fragile, it is the most enchanting, stable, and unbreakable entwining I’ve ever known.
I love you for a billion different contradictory reasons, but mostly for the strange, bewildering, tender way you love me.
You are my constant. Even when you are gone and I feel the void, I know that you are still here.
Author: Alex Myles
Image: Flickr/Philip Edmonson
Editor: Travis May