Last year, I dated a wonderful human for 8 months.
I have a habit of dating randomly, being single, working too much, having some fun…then tripping across a good human with my heart, and our hearts then fall in something like love and we date…for 8 months. Then, we break up.
Every time, as I approach 8 months, I realize two things: 1) I don’t want to be with this lovely human forever, and, 2) I want to date other lovely humans. So we break up. Also, of course, often, they have their reasons for wanting to break up with me. In any case, it’s often mutual, friendly, and heartbreaking, and we get to remain friends.
It’s not a bad cycle. But it is a cycle I’ve completed maybe 10 times in my life.
Waylon’s book, Things I would like to do with You, is available here.
So, last year, I dated…we’ll call her Strawberry Jam, ’cause that clearly ain’t a real name. So Jam and I had some great sex, some great friendship, some great times…and we parted. I immediately started dating, having fun, and loving being alone, again. So much easier to get some real work done—and since my work is endless, and mission-driven, that’s pretty fulfilling.
But after a healthy mix of aloneness and sex and dating…December hit. I went on an amazing first date (Nutcracker, all dressed up, with friends and families…whiskey at her bar after, ’til late, and a first kiss in the parking lot full of joy and passion) with a beauty who was witty, sharp, caring, stylish, grown-up (whatever that means, really)—and then we didn’t go on a second date.
From then on…December, January, February, now March…I couldn’t even think of someone I wanted to go out with. Well, except for one, perhaps, but I didn’t know her, and she was beautiful, and she worked in a café, and I didn’t want to join the 1,000 other boys asking her out each day. I wanted it to happen organically, as we got to know each other. But I seldom see her, so that remains on pause.
The point of all this…is that, once again, my dating morale has dropped. You know: when you’re dating, even if single, you might feel good. It’s fun. It’s fun for me, anyways—I know many of you don’t enjoy dating. But I do. Each date is like a visit to a new planet. Each human is her (or his) own wonderful ecosystem.
But, when all alone—while I enjoy alone, and have done the tough work of making friends with myself, and my life, and my home, and all of it, without depending on another for fulfillment—well, nevertheless, it begins to be like this early March: cold, and yet no longer white like romantic winter, nor green like new Spring.
And so I look forward, once again, to a friendship lit up by passion. To going on dates, to falling in love, to heartbreak, even. I look forward to the chaos that is the heart, meeting another. I look forward to falling into another cycle, and, perhaps, this time…perhaps, this time…revolving in a cycle of friendship and passion without ever longing for a new one.
No, I do not expect perfect, or easy…but I do long to dive deeper, deeper, into a friendship and love that only gets richer.
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