Maybe I’m Just not Meant to be Loved.

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“She’s a special kind of woman…She’s the one with the ability to be that rock and that foundation. She’s the woman who will sacrifice for your happiness, support your every dream and be your biggest fan. She’s the one that will inspire you, motivate you and challenge you to become a better person in every aspect of your life. She’s the woman who will fight to make things work and never take the easy way out. She’s a special kind of woman. She’s loyal. She’s intelligent. She’s passionate about life. She has soul. She has substance. She has a heart of gold. And she knows how to love unconditionally. She’s a special kind of woman. And she’s entirely too special to be with anything less than a king.” ~ Unknown


I’m beginning to think that maybe I’m just not cut out for love.

I suppose it isn’t love, but rather reciprocal love. Or at the very least, the kind of love that would make someone want to do anything to be with me. The feeling that two people get that inspires them to move mountains to make their love as real as the sunrise.

Maybe my problem is that I just think love is supposed to be magical—not logical. My soul craves electricity, sparks, poetry, and the way the kiss from a soulmate can make the world disappear.

Yet as much as I crave this, as much as I give this love to others, it’s never given back to me. I am never the one who sits across from someone while they hold my hands telling me, “Baby, there isn’t anything in the world that I wouldn’t do to make this work, because you are the one thing I know for certain.”

But I’m tired of lying to myself, and I’m tired of pretending that friendship is the only possibility. And I’m even more tired of believing in love and having faith that one day I won’t be putting myself to bed alone each evening.

I think I’m finally realizing that, just maybe, I’m never going to be loved in the way that I need to be.

Maybe it’s my destiny to be alone, maybe it’s my lot to give but never fully receive.

I suppose it’s my fault in some ways, because I always see the light even in the darkness. I never focus on the reasons why it won’t work, but only the reasons why it would. I don’t look at how difficult it could be, but how worth it it would be. I don’t spend a minute thinking about how a love would affect others, because I know that when you find a love that feels like home, you hang onto it.

I’ve always been a romantic, someone who loves the dramatic climax in movies when all seems lost but then love wins. The kind of woman who wants a man to drive hours just to feel my lips against his, or to get woken up in the middle of the night just because he couldn’t wait until sunrise to see me. Maybe it’s not even love I’m after, but just being so special to someone they would do anything to not only get me, but keep me.

Yet, even with all of this, I refuse to change.

I won’t budge even an inch, because I am unable to accept anything less than the kind of love that spins my world around and lands me in another dimension. A love that kisses me like Sunday morning, and has me on my knees praying in gratitude that our souls were brought together in this lifetime.

I don’t want a regular love. I don’t want others to approve of us simply because we have things in common or because he would be a good addition to my family. I don’t want a man to say “we make sense.”

What I want is the man who tells me I drive him crazy, that I kill him slowly with my love and realness. I want a man who breathes me in and refuses to go through life with anyone else by his side. I want a man to struggle with the idea of me and feel that no matter what he does, he just can’t get me out of his heart.

I guess what I’m really after is a man who will fight for me, for us, in the same ways that I would for him.

Someone who not only tells me I am worth it—but shows me with his actions.

Even with my heart draped in bittersweet love, I still don’t think I am asking for too much. I don’t think that it’s crazy to think that sometimes love does grow in the most unlikely of places and that when that happens, instead of running away, we have to plant our feet firmly and remain determined to protect something so special.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t know if perhaps one day there will be a man who throws caution to the wind just to be the one who wakes up to my starry eyes in the morning.

I don’t know if I will ever be loved in the ways I need to be. Maybe I’m just not cut out for love. Maybe I am meant to walk this life alone, giving out unconditional love as gifts to those I cross paths with. Perhaps it’s only in my loneliness that I am able to love like I do—because when it’s undiluted and pure, it becomes an unstoppable force.

But I don’t really believe that. Because I know I am not wrong for what I feel and what I want. Because I’ve learned that in love, you only get the amazing stuff if you actually believe it exists.

As for me, I’d rather spend my days alone believing in this messy, imperfect, difficult, beautiful vision of love than settling for the bland taste of companionship without passion.



Author: Kate Rose
Image: NomiZ25/Deviantart
Editor: Callie Rushton


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Kate Rose

Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair, swaying her hips to the music of life and smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on TwitterFacebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website

Brandy Jean Oct 31, 2018 7:16am

Ugh. All of this. Just. All. Of. This.

Concetta Varrecchia-Brancaccio Oct 12, 2018 10:35pm

That was simple the most perfect description Thank you

Barb Schoenebaum Kent Oct 8, 2018 12:32pm

I've felt this exact same way,,,I cannot tell you how wonderful it feels to know I am not alone in this. Thank you!!

Kevin Urbanek Oct 2, 2018 4:11am

@Maureen Roe Fudger You want him to lecture you, too? Lol

Alyssa D Krauss Sep 30, 2018 11:51pm

If I could wield a pen like you, I would have said the same...just beautiful♥️

Corrina Johnson Lindblöm Sep 30, 2018 3:36pm

I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of love in 2 relationships in my life. It felt wonderful to be loved so deeply & completely. But the thing is, I ended the relationships because these men weren’t as passionate about their own lives as they were with me. The love they felt for me wasn’t reflected towards themselves. They self-sabotaged with education/jobs, were dishonest with themselves, & settled for less from themselves. I could see their higher selves but they couldn’t. It wasn’t attractive to be with someone who didn’t have self-love. And I wasn’t about to be the one to “fix” them.

Paul Palmer Sep 29, 2018 8:04pm

Maybe I see something different in this lament. It seems to me it is wrongly ascribed - to a woman. It is men who are the romantics, in my experience. Women are calculating, working out all the details of everything they want, how it all fits in with their career, and what exact quantity of adventure they can afford to indulge. Men throw all the calculation to the winds. Obviously I have to generalize to make that statement. But it sums up men and women in a general way, by my experience. If read this writing carefully, you will find that I am right. The writer has figured out exactly what she wants, what she will accept, what she will seek and what she will reject. Her demands are so rigid that she has given up trying to ever find it. I think most people will read quickly, looking for what they are hoping, namely that the writer is searching for romantic love which she can't find. Her standards are so high that someone who already meets them can't exist. She really doesn't want to start with openness and work her way into the kind of love she craves. This is the quintessential woman. She can find men who out of romance will throw caution to the winds and try to become part of something magical, but this is not her goal. She wants it all laid in her lap. A careful calculation, if you read without bias.

Mandy Fall Sep 23, 2018 8:19pm

Love this and it rings true for me in so many ways. I will just keep spreading love because I know I love myself so there is love in and around me. Thank you!!

Michelle Monfort Sep 23, 2018 1:59pm

That was beautifully eritten. I thought i had found this but am waking up to realize it was a horrible lie.

Sallie Royse Cooper Sep 10, 2018 5:10am

you summed me up well. i have known this type of love and hope to again. once you have it it's difficult to live without.

Stephanie King Sep 7, 2018 3:40pm

How absolutely poignant and beautiful, thank you, I relate with everything you said.

Marilyn Regan Aug 27, 2018 9:23pm

Beautiful. I feel exactly the same way. It does exist. I hope you find it. As always, thank you for sharing.

Soha Abrishamchi Aug 27, 2018 3:52pm

I am almost 50th, with 2 marriages behind my belt. I am that woman the she described above & I have came to the same conclusion as the write. Better not to even expect that reciprocal love, as I won’t get disappointed

Esther Bortolussi Aug 27, 2018 12:57pm

This is so so beautiful

Maura Elizabeth Aug 22, 2018 2:29pm

I sobbed when I read this, because I thought I was the only one. Thank you for putting it all into words for me.

Keaton Victoria K Aug 22, 2018 8:10am

awww spoke my mind..been feeling this my entire life..

Dee Alimbini Aug 20, 2018 11:04pm

I so understand

Dyannah Cruz Aug 15, 2018 12:02am

You're killing me softly with your words. Like I'm reading my journal.

Marleen Garza Aug 14, 2018 4:27am

This. I am so comfortable in my own skin now that I'm quite alright if I'm single for the rest of my days. Not settling for just companionship. I am delighted in my own company. I want it all! And if not in this lifetime. Then, in the next!

David Starlyte Aug 14, 2018 3:23am

beautifully written

Fabia Barbosa Aug 7, 2018 4:13am

Wow 👏🏽

Christina J Danner Jul 24, 2018 3:02am

Shaken to the core by how raw and real this is... it's like someone listened to my heart speaking and transcribed it for the world to see.

Amber Warnat Jul 21, 2018 2:26am

Sorry Kate, but that’s not love you’re chasing. It’s infatuation. I would encourage you to look at books on adult attachment. Tatkin have one for dating and one for relationships. It will help you reorient yourself so you can find that BEAUTIFUL connection you are looking for!!! But it won’t look like the love you see in movies. It will be so much deeper and more meaningful than you could possibly imagine!

Jenny Lindfors Jul 20, 2018 3:18pm

Are you a scorpio moon or sun?

Brandi Geier Bonelli Jul 20, 2018 3:09pm

Wow...that hit me in the soft spot. Thanks for putting my own feelings into such eloquent words. <3