Nice Guys aren’t Good Men.

Are you a nice guy or a good man?

If that seems like an odd question, bear with me for a moment, because there is a distinct difference between the two.

A nice guy will tell a pretty lie to avoid the discomfort of telling an ugly truth. A good man will deliver the truth, however unpleasant, because his integrity will not let him deceive anyone for his own comfort.

A nice guy will do nice things with unspoken expectations attached. He will take a woman on a date, expecting to get something in return. A good man does things without expectation of a payoff, but because he is acting in accordance with his core values. Should he receive a return—it’s simply a bonus.

A nice guy is worried about his reputation, but a good man is only concerned with his character.

A nice guy fears rejection and so he seeks validation. A good man is self-validated and does not tie his worth to whether he is accepted or rejected.

A nice guy will cloak his intentions and be unclearwhile a good man will be upfront with his intentions and be very clear about his aim. The good man leaves no space for ambiguity.

A nice guy will have loose boundaries and will bend over backwards just to seem nice. A good man has clear boundaries andthus, earns the respect of the people around him.

A nice guy will smother his current love interest and will make her the center of his universe. A good man will give appropriate attention to a lover without becoming overbearing or taking over her life.

A nice guy will blame others, circumstances, or fate for his lot in life. A good man recognizes his role in whatever has transpired, takes responsibility and, when necessary, redirects his course.

A nice guy will make lofty promises to look good while a good man will only make the promises he knows he can keep.

A nice guy wants to play the knight in shining armor, but is quick to disappear when sh*t gets real. A good man knows it’s not his job to rescue anyone but will show up and have your back when needed.

A nice guy will discard anything and anyone that is no longer useful to him. A good man will respect another persons’ inherent dignity and treat them kindly even when they no longer have a role or purpose in his life-plan.

A nice guy lacks leadership abilities and is content to let others guide his life. A good man takes charge of his life and becomes the master of his own fate.

A nice guy will do anything to avoid hurting someone’s feelings while a good man realizes that sometimes, the kindest thing one can do for another may initially be hurtful, but will eventually be helpful.

A nice guy will say what others want to hear while a good man will say what others need to hear.

A nice guy won’t apologize even when he’s wrong because he thinks it makes him weak. A good man is quick with apologies and even faster with reparations.

A nice guy lives in service of himself and his desires while a good man lives in service of humanity.

At the core, the major difference between a nice guy and a good man is that a nice guy is concerned with appearances and etiquette. The good man is concerned with character and morality.

The nice guy takes the easy road. The good man is committed to his development and is willing to do the work to become a good man. The good man realizes that he is not going to get there by taking shortcuts, in life, business, or relationships.

The good man will do the work, and reap the benefits while the nice guy looks on in envy.

If you’re a nice guy, it’s okay. You can become a good man.

Start by speaking your truth, owning your life and choices, and start living for a higher purpose.

Start making decisions that align with being a good man. Change your approach to living.

If you’re a good man—thank you. The world needs more of you.



Author: Lisa Vallejos 

Image: Unsplash/Toa Heftiba / Flickr

Editor: Lieselle Davidson

Vincent Boyd Sep 6, 2018 11:47am

What a bunch of touchie feelie, preachie-weachie, opinionated bullshit! I mean give me a break.

Val Spicer Jul 18, 2018 9:34pm

And please note this is the same for women as well

Quinn E Darrow Jun 18, 2018 10:10am

Dr. Lisa Vallejos I agree that these so-called "nice guys" may be lacking in character, assertiveness, and confidence. But so are many of the women that are with these "nice guys". Why call out only one side of the coin? Or do you feel that only men should strive to exhibit character, assertiveness, and confidence?

Quinn E Darrow Jun 18, 2018 10:02am

Dr. Lisa Vallejos "Thank you Barbara." Your post agrees with me completely so I shall label it articulate and thoughtful. But I still won't give it any kind of substansive response.

Quinn E Darrow Jun 18, 2018 9:59am

Dr. Lisa Vallejos You may welcome differing opinions, but by your own words you're unwilling to debate with anyone that disagrees with you. You are definitely sounding a great deal like the "Nice Guy" you have demonized.

Quinn E Darrow Jun 18, 2018 9:56am

Walter Pacheco I agree, there were no personal attacks in what you said. The essence of all her responses are essentially "Thank you for commenting". She does not seem willing to engage with anyone that has any substansive criticism of her article.

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