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June 26, 2017

Even if you Won’t Choose me, I’ll Still Choose you—in any Lifetime.

There’s a chance that you might not choose me.

It’s an option my heart refuses, but a reality my mind should consider.

The people we choose don’t always choose us—and there’s nothing we can do about it. We can pray to the heavens or bleed our emotions onto paper. And sometimes, we do both, knowing that neither prayer nor venting can turn the wheel of fate.

I know I can’t make you choose me. I don’t have the power or the permission to turn destiny in my favor. Forcing people to be with us is futile, and though I long to climb the highest mountain and howl for you to be with me, all I can do is lie on my couch and listen to the sound of my ticking clock.

Every time I look at you, my eyes show me a million reasons why we should be together. The words my lips should utter are translated through my eyes. I only hope you’ve been able to read them well. But even if you have, you still might not choose me.

You hold our love story in one hand and a pack of matches in the other. I stand in front of you, holding my breath and waiting to see which you’ll throw away.

I want you to know that if you choose to light the matches and burn our love story, I’d pick up the ashes and bring them back to life. If there is another lifetime, I would choose to reincarnate at the same place and time with you.

If you are a tree, I’ll be the flower beside your trunk.

If you are a drone, I’ll be your queen.

If you are a river, I’ll be your meadow.

And if you are a human, I will find you and love you as deeply and truly as I do now.

And though you might not choose me in the next lifetime, I’d still choose you.

Loving you is not an option—and I’m not afraid to admit it anymore. In the past, I struggled with vulnerability because I was afraid to lose you for good. Sometimes, when we know how much a person loves us, we hold back and run away—because not everyone is ready for a love like this.

But I’m not afraid of you running away anymore. My love for you is stronger than distance and greater than space. It defies natural laws. So if you run away, I’d only love you harder, hoping you’d come back and choose me again.

They say love is a feeling; I say love is a choice. There are very few people to whom we give our hearts in a box and willingly lose the key. I know you might choose to give your heart to someone else, and as much as it pains me to say this, I hope this person chooses you as strongly as I always will.

I’ll choose you with all your imperfections, all your flaws, and all the goodness inside you. I’ll choose you with all the pain you sometimes put me through. And I’ll transform that pain into roses and drink it like my favorite glass of wine.

While it’s challenging to understand how I love you, all I can hope for is that one day you’ll realize the depth and sincerity of my love. Because if you did, you might have chosen me long ago.

If you take a ride through the complexities of my heart, you’ll see that I’ve built a home for you in all four chambers. I’ve planted a garden for you in my veins and made a replica of you in my skin.

Let me show you all the ways I can love you. Allow me to present myself as I am—and what could become of me without you.

If you choose me, I’ll prove to you that unconditional love exists. I’ll love you in ways no one else has. If you choose me, I’ll show you the dark side of the moon and light it up for you.

So give me the matches you’re holding in your hand. If there is one thing that we must burn, it’s the fear that is stopping you from choosing me.

But please know that even if you choose to burn our love story, I will still choose you—always.

~

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Author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Pixabay
Editor: Nicole Cameron
Copy Editor: Leah Sugerman
Social Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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