My fourth baby will be turning one in the blink of an eye.

I’m not sure how it all went so fast. I’ve been in a love bubble since having him. When I look at him, when I kiss him and hold him, I get a flutter in my heart that words cannot describe.

In the book, A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson states, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

Whenever I feel separate from love, which takes many forms—jealousy, anger, resentment, frustration, overwhelm—I think of Bodhi and the bliss I feel in his presence.

To me, babies are cosmic creatures and when I’m with him, I feel a little closer to spirit. He is not bogged down with learned behaviors and all the pain and suffering that makes us pull away and become our own separate little islands.

I think a part of me grows scared that as he grows, we too, will separate from each other and that “love bubble” will be gone.

Having more babies to sustain the bubble of love and bliss isn’t an option. So, I will have to begin seeing that same love in everyone I encounter. Will it be easy? Some of the time—yes. When it’s not, I will have to trust that I am witnessing something unhealed in myself and do the work to heal it.

I can already see the islands forming with my six and eight-year-old. They are experiencing big emotional changes, they are leaving the gates of early childhood where everything is filled with wonder.

During early childhood, from birth to around the age of seven, children are so tapped into the universal spirit. Around seven, a shift in consciousness begins. All of a sudden, things don’t look so rosy and wonder-full anymore. Mom and Dad aren’t super heroes that can make everything better.

They begin feeling in-between worlds. This is when their islands form, this is when the work gets real. The work that comes with having babies and toddlers is hard. It is a physical work toting them around, feeding them, keeping them safe.

The next seven years brings in the emotional work and it will bring up so much stuff that is lingering under the surface in yourself. I find myself digging deep, meditating, and devouring spiritual books.

I used to look to parenting books, but I now know that it is my own inner work that will get me through. My practice to choose love and bounce back from negative feelings and lighting the way for them is what is called for right now.

I’m so committed and I’m so grateful to my sweet Bodhi, my little guru, for reminding me what it feels like to return to love.
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Author: Korrin Rogers
Image: Oleg Sidorenko/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Copy Editor: Nicole Cameron
Social Editor: Danielle Beutell