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August 3, 2017

Cry like a F*cking Baby—and no, Don’t Run to the Bathroom.

A post shared by Sara Kärpänen (@sarakarpanen) on

**Warning: F-bombs dropped below!

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“Sad is poetic—you need to live sad moments.” ~ Louis C.K. 

Bam, there it is: one of the most simple and mindful analogies of our time.

We are so afraid to be alone. So afraid that we’d rather risk our lives to text and drive than spend a minute on our own to feel sad or bored.

I just watched, for the first time in my life, a Louis C.K. interview on YouTube (yeah, I know I’m a bit weird, I don’t watch stuff online). And I had a big “aha” moment—so massive, in fact, that I had to stop what I was doing and start writing this instead.

We need to cry. Cry like fucking babies; cry so loud that our shoulders shake; cry in the middle of the crowd, in the traffic lights, in the cinema, in front of our boss and children if we are sad—without feeling ashamed. (Fuck the bathroom, I know you run there too.)

Why? Because we all do it.

Because crying is as human as laughing is.

Crying is the first thing we do when we are born. It is the sign of a healthy human being. And after all, we are all just a bunch of big babies.

I cried today at a dentist. Not because the treatment was painful (it was just a check-up), but because I had an argument with a friend of mine on the phone in the waiting room.

When I sat down in the treatment chair, I tried to think happy thoughts: the beaches I’ve seen, the swaying palm trees, ocean sounds—but the tears kept pouring out. The dentist apologized about the pain, while I tried mumbling, “No, really, it’s okay.”

Because it is.

Recently, I flew from Denver, Colorado, to back home to the U.K. It’s a long, 9-hour flight. On the airplane, after about an hour and a half in the air—35,000 feet high—a girl next to me starts crying. A lot. She’s opening envelopes and reading the handwritten letters. The altitude probably makes it even worse—and also the fact that she’s squeezed next to a stranger who is watching a romantic comedy. She can’t escape. She must feel really sad and lonely, and think “it’s all over” or anything that you possibly think when you can’t just fix it and go back.

I grab a tissue from my handbag and hand it to her. She mutters, “thank you,” and almost immediately stops sobbing. It’s okay, I want to tell her: Really, it’s okay, I’ve been there, too. So many times.

I cried, yesterday too. I was feeling confused and puzzled, so I WhatsApped my friend. After a long list of heart emojis, she said:

“Feel it. Think about loving thoughts about yourself, but be humble. Then feel compassion toward other people suffering as well.”

And I did. I felt it—the loneliness, the sadness, the frustration.

Because, here’s the secret: Feeling sad makes us feel better.

Everybody cries.

So let’s make crying great again. Let’s cry like fucking babies again.

Author: Sara Kärpänen
Image: @sarakarpanen InstagramCopy Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Social Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

 

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