Some people say that jealousy comes from insecurity.
That may be true in some cases, or perhaps it’s part of the equation, but for the most part, I don’t believe that.
Jealousy creeps in when our soul is not being fully satisfied. Jealousy sneaks in when we want to do something or feel fulfilled in some way that we are not. We see someone or something that triggers that desire, and boom—jealousy hits deeply, intensely, and instinctively.
It’s never about that other person; it’s about what we, ourselves, are missing.
In fact, when we are jealous of another person, we are really in awe and admiration for what they are courageously doing that, for whatever reason, we are not. Something about the other person’s experience, actions, or relationship resonates with us.
If we’re already conscious of the jealousy, it may be easier to identify that it stems from desire and simply take action steps in that direction. However, if the desire isn’t developed into something noticeable and specific yet, instead of focusing energy on that other person and what they are doing or what they have, I focus internally:
What about that other person sends a flare sign to my soul? What do they have or what are they doing that I truly want?
Whenever I ask these questions, the jealousy turns into a tangible, personal desire. Then, I can plan for how to make that happen in my own life by translating it into step-by-step actions.
In the past, I’ve felt jealous of people doing work that they love. Whether I saw their posts on social media or heard their stories more directly, I was so damn jealous because that wasn’t something I had in my own life yet. I was at an office job that I detested, and instead, my soul deeply desired to do work that I love.
When I recognized this and worked toward making changes, the jealousy dissipated. Now, I only take on work I love and feel a shared experience with others who do work they love instead of feeling tension and dissonance—because they have something that I do not.
I currently have the most jealousy around people who are traveling and experiencing many different places in the world. I see their beautiful pictures, get a momentary taste of new places and cultures, hear about their joy and freedom through travel, and I am jealous! I want that so incredibly badly.
Here, my soul is sending a huge flare signal—it’s practically a scream—to go do exactly what I feel jealous of. Travel, experience the world, meet new people, get out of my comfort zone, and taste that sweet freedom.
So now, my task is to take the focus off of others and the subconscious way I am living vicariously through their pictures, and go find that adventure for myself.
In truth, travel is just as accessible for me as it is for anyone else. So if I’m not currently planning my own adventure, I have to ask myself: How am I getting in my own way, or what is blocking me from fulfilling my desire? And before long, I will take action steps, have a destination planned, buy my plane tickets, and take off on my own exploration.
The next time jealousy pops in to give you a soul flare, follow these simple steps and be on your way to releasing the jealousy and living an even more magical version of the life you desire:
1. When jealousy comes up, figure out what you desire.
Whether it is a quality to be developed, an experience to be had, or a relationship to find or nurture, what flare calls to your soul? What does that person have or what are they doing that you truly want?
Sometimes, it will be easy to identify and the answer will come right away. Most of the time, we already know what we need. We just ought to be curious, open, receptive, and quiet to hear the answer.
If the answer doesn’t come easily or feel clear, I encourage more exploration. One technique is to meditate on the jealousy and what the desire stems from. I put one hand on my heart and one hand on my gut, get quiet, focus on my breath, and then silently ask my question or ask for guidance and see what comes up.
Another option is to talk to a friend or even speak out loud while alone. Speaking our feelings can bring new clarity. The purpose of this is not to seek external answers from others, but only to process feelings in a different, more vocal way that may lead to hearing more of our own inner truth.
I often speak to myself out loud in the shower. It’s perfect alone time, a time when we are on autopilot anyway, and I believe that when I speak about things that have happened that day and express what I’m grateful for, or practice talking about topics that spark my heart, my thoughts get processed and organized in a new way that the silent internal cycling does not.
2. Once the flare sign is identified, figure out how that desire can be fulfilled.
Ultimately, we all need to feed our soul and live on purpose to feel happy, free, satisfied, and peaceful.
If the desire feels easy to fulfill, go do it! Or, when the desire feels inaccessible or challenging to attain, we can figure out the small, actionable steps we need to accomplish. It may take a day, a month, or a year to reach the desired outcome, but manageable and achievable action steps will help.
And the bonus here is that once we start to move outside of our current comfort zone with those actions, the jealously will most likely begin to dissipate. Our soul knows we are on our way, and we no longer feel such a separation between us and whatever or whoever we feel jealous of.
3. If the desire is identified and the action steps are planned out, but things are not beginning to shift, consider asking for help.
This step may not be needed. But, sometimes we have blocks or baggage that we need to clear first to really move forward toward the life we deeply want. In order to make the action steps happen, we need to feel worthy, confident, ready, and whole within ourselves, so personal development work can really help.
Therapists can work miracles at helping people process past events to clear emotional baggage and blocks. And, a powerful coach is wonderful at providing the support, encouragement, push, and accountability we need to actually take the action steps.
4. Go live that life you were meant to and watch the jealousy melt away!
Let the flare ignite action so what is deeply desired becomes a reality and your soul and heart feel content. Appreciate the jealousy so you can enjoy the transformation and experience even more magic, joy, and peace in your life.
Author: Alison Kate
Image: Shannon Kringen/Flickr
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Copy Editor: Travis May
Social Editor: Yoli Ramazzina