We’re all out there on the same quest.
The search for our perfect match.
That perfect blend of lover and friend, great kisser and partner-in-crime, and one who makes us laugh and feel like a fiery sexpot. Also, and maybe most importantly, a person we can take to cocktail parties and family reunions and not want to punch.
The one who’ll “complete” us. (Although we should all probably try to just be “complete” on our own, and not look for someone else to get us there.)
But why aren’t we finding our soulmates?
Well, maybe because we’re settling too soon.
A lot of us (even the married ones) are stuck with someone who doesn’t “get” us. Even though we’re trying our best to make it work.
But, maybe we’ve all swallowed a big pile of bullsh*t. This idea that we need to make it work with whom we’re currently with, even if it’s a massive struggle. Love has to be hard, or it isn’t real, right?
Maybe we’ve all settled way too quickly. Not too easily, but just failed to look at the many other options on the menu. What if we think we’ve found our favorite dish, but frankly we’ve only been eating chicken and steak since we were 17?
Maybe we haven’t looked around enough to truly know what “agrees” with us the most. What gets us.
Now, if the truth is that we’re just an inconsiderate person, or a slob, or have an anger problem, then we’re not allowed to say our partner should just “get” us and accept us. My point here assumes we’ve done a lot of work on ourselves and are worthy of being “gotten” in the first place.
But if you have done that, and you’re in a relationship that was easy to find, but difficult to stay in, maybe you’re holding on too tight when you should be letting it go.
So many of us are trying to win over the one who keeps fighting us. Who keeps breaking up with us. Who doesn’t think we’re so “great.” And we keep trying to prove to them that we’re worthy of their love!
(Just their love. Not love in general.)
But maybe we’re not.
Because what if what their brand of love is bullsh*t?
What if a woman is chasing a guy who just wants a subservient woman to obey his every order?
What if a man is trying to fulfill a woman who wants a man to finally give her an identity? The one she never quite found on her own?
Well, then we’re chasing
people who might just simply be lousy partners. Because they’re still going through their own evolution. And God bless them, because we’ve all been “them” at some point. But they’re not ready for prime time yet.
And we can’t please them because we offer something they don’t want, value, or even understand.
If you’re a fine Bordeaux, but dating someone who just wants a shot of Jäger, you’re never going to make each other happy. And vice versa.
So we need to wait. Hit the “next” button. Be brave enough to wait for something else.
Something more pure. Someone more pure and more aligned with our values.
The one who “gets” us.
The one we don’t have to “sell” ourselves on.
The one who thinks it’s awesome that we sing in the shower. Or work on that new work project till midnight. Or need to make the bed each morning. Or can’t stand string beans. Or quotes Ghostbusters way too often. Or that we love the Beatles but hate the Stones (or vice versa.)
Whatever our unique combination is, there’s someone out there who gets it. Someone who thinks you’re a rare find.
Not that we’re waiting for someone who echoes our tastes, or worships us no matter what we do—because that’s hopelessly unrealistic. (If anything, the one who gets us will call us out on our bullsh*t, too.)
But we’re talking about the one who doesn’t want to change what is most essential to us: our love of hiking every weekend, our addiction to grilled corn, our need to re-read The Great Gatsby every year, our need to stop and pet a stranger’s dog on the street.
So, assuming we’ve chosen a road that makes us wonderfully different from all the other people out there, then it’s very important we don’t just settle for the first person who comes along. We can wait for the 58th person, or 374th, or whatever it takes until someone truly “sees” the real us, values us, and doesn’t want to change us. (At least not a ton, although minor suggestions are welcome.)
If there are small but beautiful things that truly make you you, wait for the one who “gets” them. And let those who don’t move on to find whatever the f*ck floats their boat, somehow.
Bottom line: pass on the person who just thinks we’ll “do.”
Because to hell with that. That’s a long life of putting up with someone who’d probably rather be with someone else. (And hey, let them go find that whoever; we should all be with our right match.)
So wait. And wait. And wait.
For the one who gets you.
Then make sure you let them know that you “get” them, too.
Because someone who truly gets you is worth not letting get away.
Author: Mark Radcliffe
Image: Movie Still
Editor: Travis May
Copy Editor: Catherine Monkman
Social Editor: Yoli Ramazzina