7.4

How some Men show their Love & why most Women don’t Get It.

The most essential human need (after the basic survival needs) is to be loved—to feel loved and accepted as we are.

And yet, so many of us go on for years wanting love and not knowing how to get it or advocate for it. We end up feeling perpetually frustrated, unloved, and unfulfilled.

There is another way, though. We need to ask ourselves some honest questions:

Do we actually know what we need from our partners to feel loved?

Do we speak up and ask for it?

Or do we keep hoping our partner will somehow figure it out or change or express love like we do?

The thing is, men and women tend to show love differently.

Some men are still stuck in the mentality of showing their love by providing. This is great, but there’s so much more.

And, since most women want an emotional connection with their man, he’ll need to learn how if he wants to satisfy her.

Are you this man? Do you show love this way?

Or, if you are a woman, is this your man? Is he hiding behind his blocked heart, but showing his love in different ways?

Before we complain about this guy, let’s at least consider the possibility that he’s trying—it’s just not in your language.

Remember, men have been conditioned for generations to stuff their vulnerability down and, even in 2017, it’s still happening. I was like this for years. Trying to please her while hiding behind my wall. But I didn’t even know I had a wall.

So, let’s remember that we aren’t all cut from the same cloth, nor do we all have the same conditioning. Hell, we don’t even have the same values sometimes.

A man might value work, while a woman values connection. The man expresses love by doing things and the woman through touch and conversation. We’re speaking different languages! Simple, right?

But, believe it or not, we can move beyond any gender role and both learn how to connect, and how to give and receive love in a way that works for each other. It can be done. We just need to learn how

~

Relephant read:

3 Questions to Heal a Hurtful Relationship Pattern.

~

Author: Jayson Gaddis
Image: Revolutionary Road (2008)
Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Copy Editor: Nicole Cameron
Social Editor: Lieselle Davidson

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John Hardman Dec 10, 2017 3:59am

Yep, just got my ass handed to me. Wife and I have been married for over 20 years, both of us have masters degrees in psychology and years of personal therapy, but now I am told I am not communicating enough "passion" for her. Both of us are "old school" in our 70's and although contemporay still were formed in another era. I am caring, loving, and age-appropriately affectionate. Does "intimacy" change with aging? Do I need to have the hormonal stamina of 30-40 year old to be considered intimate? Can I be intimate while being comfortable in my "golden years"? It seems the intimacy lessons just keep coming.

Vincent Clohessy Dec 8, 2017 8:52pm

Erin, I'm so happy for you. Sounds like your un-learning has enabled you to see what was previously hidden. I find actions and behaviours are more reliable indicators of one's intent, more than words. Though I don't wish to diminish words, as they can be just the right action needed at the right time. Sounds like love is a constant companion in your days and I wish you much more to come.

Vincent Clohessy Dec 8, 2017 8:48pm

Marvellous content once again Jayson. You continue to provide excellent insight and wisdom. You do work that matters and counts. Please keep turning up and making a difference.

Erin Scott Dec 8, 2017 11:59am

Well said! I also feel like it’s about “un-learning” in a way. I was conditioned that in order to accept love it had to be said. I’ve come to learn that words can mean nothing and that just because they aren’t said, doesn’t mean I am loved any less. In fact, I’m shown everyday how much I am loved and the words are rarely spoken. It’s taken me a year to come to understand this. Again, thank you!

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Jayson Gaddis

Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School®
, and host of The Smart Couple Podcast , is on a mission to teach people the one class they didn’t get in school–”How to do intimate relationships.” He was emotionally constipated for years before relationship failure forced him to master relationships. In 2007 he stopped running away from intimacy, asked his wife to marry him and now they have two beautiful kids. When he doesn’t live and breathe this stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him. You can find him here: Jayson Gaddis or sign up for a free training here if you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man like Jayson used to be. You can also become a fan on Facebook here: Jayson Gaddis Fan Page.