“Your thoughts create your reality.”
This superstitious version of manifesting, based on the infamous Law of Attraction, is incredibly prevalent these days. When applied to manifesting romantic partnership, this paradigm would have us believe that if we repeat our affirmations, think only good thoughts, and focus exclusively on what we want, our darling in shining armor will promptly arrive.
Yet so often, this isn’t the case—so often, in fact, we may begin to doubt that manifesting our perfect partner is even possible.
It can be incredibly frustrating to watch ourselves remain rooted in the same patterns and in relationships with the same partners.
But the truth is, we are getting what we want—because having is evidence of wanting.
I am sure, like many of my manifesting clients, you’re thinking you didn’t want to be cheated on. That you didn’t want a non-committal partner coming in and out of your life. That there is no way you wanted to be single for the past three years—in fact, you actively tried to avoid it by going on date after date after fruitless date.
And you are right: you didn’t consciously ask for any of that.
But your subconscious did.
Want to know how I know this with absolute certainty? Because it’s what you have. And if you have it, then on some level, a part of you feels worthy of it.
You see, our subconscious serves as the feminine aspect of the self (regardless of what sex we align with) that focuses on the emotional aspects of life, which are simultaneously messy, heartbreaking, and yummy. On the other hand, our conscious will—where the ego of self-identity resides—is masculine in nature and inherently more pleasure-seeking.
The battle between our conscious will and our subconscious desires is not really a battle at all, since our generative subconscious wins nearly every time. Yet it’s this gap between the two that explains why we remain caught in unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship patterns that loop over and over again.
So why the gap?
The subconscious is home to the beliefs that inform our lives—beliefs bred from the modeling we were exposed to from our parents/caretakers, peers, community, and media, as well as our formative experiences that took place between the time of our birth and age 14. These things can result in deep wounds that can create negative cycles in our lives if they go unaddressed.
To explain this cyclical process further, let me tell you about a client of mine who struggled to leave her husband despite no longer being in love, feeling mistreated, and craving healthy partnership in her life. At first, she resisted the notion entirely that subconscious beliefs from her youth could impact her today. She boasted about having great parents and a pretty “normal” upbringing.
Yet through digging and exploring her subconscious, she unearthed a memory of a peer telling her in the sixth grade that she was not good enough for someone she was interested in because “he was too nice for her.” Unknowingly, this created a belief and thus a program in my client’s brain that reinforced the idea that she was unworthy of nice men. Upon reflection, she could see how this belief had influenced the type of man she had sought out in all of her previous relationships. Despite her husband horribly mistreating her, she felt she had no choice but to resign herself to a life of abuse. She simply didn’t believe that she was worthy of a nice guy. As we rooted out this belief and helped her to create new programing, she was finally able to leave her husband and find a relationship that was healthy, loving, and respectful.
If we equate the generative quality of the subconscious with the womb, then the conscious will is the seed. If the conscious will differs from the subconscious belief, it is rejected. It is our subconscious beliefs that program the brain to accept only information and experiences that align with our beliefs. Anything that comes our way that does not fit that mental paradigm is rejected—no matter what we “say” we want.
Each one of us, regardless of where we come from or how good or bad we would characterize our formative years of 0 to 14, have encountered imprints and modeling that have given life to beliefs about who we are and what we are worthy and capable of. Many of these beliefs hold us back and hinder our expansiveness in all areas of life, but especially our romantic relationships.
And it is these beliefs that subconsciously inform the present reality in which we are living. An unaddressed subconscious belief is always at the heart of repetitive patterns and cycles we witness in our lives and in our interactions with romantic partners.
Peeling back the layers of these subconscious beliefs is a crucial step in stopping these old patterns and creating new programming that allows for what we truly desire romantically to come to fruition.
If you would like to explore how your subconscious beliefs may be holding you back from finding your perfect partnership, check out my bio to connect with me for a Manifest Session. I will help you peel back those layers and achieve alignment between your subconscious desires with your conscious will, thereby ensuring you manifest your perfect partnership.