July 19, 2018

Dear Lover—signed, Single Mother. {Poem}

Please know that I won’t sugarcoat it for you.

My life is really damn hard.
Every day.
But I am okay with that.
I don’t need you to take the burden away from me.

I’ll tell what I do need…

I do need your bed as an escape now and then—
Your strong chest for my weary head to rest when I’m overwhelmed.
And when I’m unsure I can keep going the way I need to,
I need your encouraging words.
I want your stable heart to beat next to mine, as I fall asleep to its rhythm on my free nights.
These are the times when I’m able to rest and unwind, recollect my strength and my wits.

Please take the time to see me for who I really am—
Weak, and yet strong.
Independent, yet often lonely.
Hopeful—and yes, sometimes fearful.

Please gently pull me back to my tenacity when I’m terrified.
Remind me, just as a best friend would, that I am remarkably resilient,
And that you love me for it.
Ravish me to the point of not thinking.
Get me outside of my house and my head so I don’t slip back into that bat cave,
Which occasionally tries to encircle me when I am down.

And I do get down…
I can’t help it.
Those scars are part of me.
Yet they don’t prevent my heart from earnestly loving you.

I know better than to fully depend on another for my safety net,
But please understand that you are my soft space,
My safe place to just be me.
Not a mother, or sister, daughter, or friend.
Just me. And just you.

I don’t need you to watch my kids while I work,
Or help pay for their support.
Please be their friend when you can,
That helps more than you know.

But most of all, be my best friend,
And I will be yours.
We’ll nurture each other’s dreams, carry each other’s fears,
And run away to the hills chasing enchantment—
And back home again.
You to your responsibilities, and me to mine.

You could say that my heart is jaded.
And I admit, you’d be a bit right.
But I’m also well-educated in the harsh realities of life.
I know how to sit in my stillness
When the earth has shattered beneath me.
I can raise holy hell with a school principal,
Church clergy, or arrogant repairman.
But with that fire blazing behind my determined eyes,
You’ll find a softness. A tender warmth.
Ready to be shared with you,
When I’m able to pause for a moment.

Perhaps one day, our lives will fully entwine.
But for now, let’s just enjoy this soft day.
Let’s feel alive together.
Let’s feel strong together.
Safe together.
Thankful and deliciously loved.
And I do love you. Ardently, fervently, wickedly.
I love you in all of the ways that I haven’t before,
So thank you.

Thank you for all of your love, and more.
Thank you for gently shining light into hidden crevices in my heart.
Passages I thought didn’t exist anymore.
I look forward to unearthing new pathways.
Pathways, I often suspected were there, yet
I never was able to discover—
Until I met you.


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