July 15, 2018

Give No a Try: the Power in setting Strong Boundaries.

“When the Big No came out, I had found that everybody was indulging in their world too much. I had to say No. So I crashed my arm and fist down on my coffee table, and I broke it. I put a dent in it. Then I painted a giant picture of the Big No in the entrance hall of my house: Big No. There was ink everywhere from that proclamation. The message was: From now onward, it’s No.” ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

I tend toward the yin—meaning feminine, soft and earthy.

As a kid, I was the nice girl—the quiet one, well-behaved, polite, and sweet. As a teen, and ever since, I’ve had my moments of rebellion, excess, being loud, proud, bitchy, and wildly inappropriate.

As I age, I try to balance these two opposing aspects and live within the more neutral, middle ground.

Recently, I had the opportunity to express my yang, meaning the masculine, strong, and fiery energy within me. It was a challenge. It gave me a splitting headache, vertigo, and insomnia. But in the end it was good and right.

It feels so good to say no when it’s right to say no. Especially when saying, “Yes, sure, okay, why not?” has been a pattern for eons.

Give it a try…

“No, I will not do that.”

“No, I am not going there.”

“No, I am not going to engage in that habit/pattern/behavior/addiction anymore.”



“No way.”

“Not happening.”


Why not?

Because our time and talent is worth more.

Because we cannot and do not want to be flexible and accommodating anymore, especially when the other party is rigid and exclusive.

Because our bodies are governed by us alone.

Because no one has the right to violate the boundaries we choose to set.

Because now is the time to stand in our power and speak with a clear and inspired voice.

Because our energy will be spent in the way we choose, from moment to moment, every day.

Because the times they are a-changin’, always and forever, and through our personal actions and knowing when to say no and when to say yes, we can and are lifting up the vibration of our planet—our humanity.

We all have feminine and masculine energies within us, waiting to be balanced. May we find equilibrium and the essential equality of yin and yang, of yes and no.

There are endless possibilities. May we continue to explore them.

I’ll leave you with two excerpts from a poem written by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche in 1979, called “How to Know No.”

There was a giant No.
That No rained.
That No created a tremendous blizzard.
That No made a dent on the coffee table.
That No was the greatest No of No’s in the universe.
That No showered and hailed.
That No created sunshine, and simultaneous eclipse of the sun and moon.
That No was a lady’s legs with nicely heeled shoes.
That No is the best No of all.

This Big No is tattooed on our genitals.
This Big No is not purely freckles or birthmark,
But this Big No is real Big No.
Sky is blue,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And therefore this Big No is No.
Let us celebrate having that monumental No.
The monolithic No stands up and pierces heaven;
Therefore, monolithic No also spreads vast as the ocean.
Let us have great sunshine with this No No.
Let us have full moon with this No No.
Let us have cosmic No.

Thanks for reading. May these words be of benefit!


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