Why we should be Saying “F*ck” in front of our Children.

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Warning: Naughty language ahead!

~

I am a single mother to a beautiful nine-year-old son—and I unapologetically admit that I use the word “fuck” on a daily basis in front of him.

I could go into a long story about my past abandonment issues, what led me to this point of authenticity and vulnerability, and why I am so open in front of my son, but I won’t. It isn’t necessary, and it doesn’t have to define who I am now. It’s kind of like having to say over and over again that you are a “good person” instead of just acting like one.

I am a firm believer that words aren’t really what teach us—life experience and action does. When we read words or new information, we are being reminded of what we already know within.

Sure, words are powerful. They are jolting, moving, and triggering at times; this article might even be triggering you. But words are a learned vibration. Words impact us on a personal level because of the stories attached to them, the cultures we come from, and the life experiences from our immediate environments—not because of the actual word. Any word or sentence that carries a charge within us is a clear sign of a highlighted wound that still affects us.

Language changes the way we think. It molds and shapes how we see our reality. The English language is one of the most difficult languages to learn because we have so many unique ways of saying the same thing, and so many different variations of the same word. Cognitive Scientist Lera Boroditsky has an amazing TED talk on how language shapes the way we think.

She states that if language is responsible for the way we think, then we must ask ourselves to be mindful of the thoughts we wish to create. This is a more scientific way of saying, “We create our own reality.”

In French, the sound that vibrates like a curse word in English—phoque—actually means seal. And the way we say fuck in English means different things as well. For example, if I am talking with a friend and laughing about something funny she said versus something rude she said, the way I say, “Shut the fuck up,” is going to sound different in tone. This shows how vibration and intent mean everything when it comes to language.

So what is my intention with being so raw, authentic, and honest in front of my child?

Many of us living in this consciousness-shifting world have lost our blunt, self-aware, childlike attitude. We were told over and over again to tell the truth, be quiet, do the right thing, act like a lady, or man up. I have no idea what the hell any of that really means, but I do know each of those statements is full of shame. Women are shamed for their bodies and men for showing their emotions—it’s a cultural and subconscious conditioning passed down from parents who were taught the same thing.

I am choosing to end this cycle within my own family. I refuse to put my child on a lower scale when it comes to status and emotional intelligence. I refuse to enforce a pattern where children feel as if their voice is naive, irrelevant, and does not contribute toward the growth of everyone in their lives—a pattern that forgets that they are our teachers as well. This mindset silences the multitude of emotions that every little boy deserve to express and the freedom every little girl deserve to feel when it comes to their bodies.

My son gets to see my many emotions: the confidence I have with my body and my authentic truth when it comes to my words. I still change in front of him and share out loud when I am scared or sad. I acknowledge when I am wrong and own my shit attitude when needed. I cuss to myself when it feels necessary and I let him see my many colors.

I show him what intent means by not cursing at another person in anger. I show him by my actions that it isn’t the word, it is the intent behind it—and the emotion that it induces within our being. This is how he learns kindness without suppression. But don’t get me wrong, I am not just my son’s friend; I am his mother and boundaries are most definitely in place. I check him, with one look or a strong tone, when he gets out of line, but I also allow him to do the same to me by using his words.

Children teach us how to move energy and let go in “real time.” If they don’t want to do something, they say it. If they feel frustrated, they may fall to the ground and flail about. They are moving energy and cycling negative emotions through their body. They aren’t holding it in until they explode like a volcano. They choose to show exactly how they feel without fear of what we might think. They show us this truth until this type of behavior gets stripped from their self-expression—until the adults say, “This isn’t appropriate.” Setting boundaries without belittling is possible, but so many of us have been shown different from those who raised us, so the patterns continue.

My son gets to see me spiral and cycle my feelings in real time. He gets to see me drop a plate on the floor and say, “Fuck!” then clean up the plate and acknowledge that I shouldn’t have tried to carry 10 plates like a waiter at a Mexican restaurant. He gets to see me do the work, own my actions, and show him that we can be both spiritual and imperfect human beings.

As someone who leads intuitive sessions focused on finding our individual, authentic truth, I hold myself accountable on a daily basis. Over the past eight months, my work has moved toward the direction of “shadow work“—this healing focuses on the subconscious and explores what we suppress in our lives with void fillers, like people, substances, and jobs, or the emotions we hide away that keep us in patterns of feeling unworthy.

If I am helping others by using my own life experiences and gifts, I will never be a hypocrite about what I am currently moving through or experiencing—especially not to the one person I helped bring into this world. My intention is to help my son stay true to his authentic self, so that he doesn’t do what I did and abandon who he is to gain comfort and approval. The more I encourage his awareness, the less shadow work he’ll need to do as an adult.

I mean, he’s going to have some shit to work through—I am not a fucking saint—but I am consciously aware of my own actions, patterns, and emotions. And if cursing helps move that energy through my body, I am not going to stop what feels like a release.

So maybe we should be saying fuck in front of our kids instead of hiding from our authentic emotions. Maybe it is time we show them how we each get to choose our creative self-expression, individuality, sexuality, and colorful spirit.

And just in case you’re wondering, I don’t allow my son to say fuck, but he also doesn’t desire to do so because I’ve made it our normal. I have constructed an environment of freedom for myself, which then encourages his own freedom. He chooses to express himself differently than I do, and he also understands that some things need to wait until our human body has matured. Decisions like using plant medicines and expressing his sexuality must wait until he is older, and he’s okay with that because he knows that when the time comes, his freedom will be valued within our space.

He is his own soul, living a human experience. And that’s all most of us want to feel—that we are seen, loved, safe, and free to live life on our own terms.

~

 

author: Britt Johnson

Image: Author's own

Editor: Nicole Cameron

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Britt Johnson

Britt Johnson is a Sagittarius sun, Scorpio moon, and Libra rising. She is a writer, photographer, intuitive, and facilitator of workshops and retreats that are geared toward spiritual expansion, shadow work, authenticity, and inner healing. Britt is a lover of all things mystical—planets and stars and nature, adventure-driven and authenticity-directed. She currently holds workshops, gatherings, and one-on-one space for individuals in Oklahoma. She is also the founder of the House of Pleiades expansion format.

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James Buchanan Jul 12, 2018 12:52pm

Britt Johnson Cursing is not polite or respectful to others no matter your intention. In fact, you are using language to hide and confuse your intention.

Nicola Watson Jul 11, 2018 9:06am

Awesome piece of writing that has come at the right time! thank you for sharing. You are so right, intent is everything. Xx

Viannie Escasena Jul 11, 2018 12:32am

Woah. Did not expect such a harsh delivery of words. THAT is what’s really wrong with the world...not that we have different views and opinions but how judgemental and negative people can treat one another. So sad. My child is a kind, compasionate, giving human. It is impossible to say one child will turn out better or worse based on if they are around curse words or not, that’s just silly. I hope AND pray my child grows up to be like me...no BETTER than me! I have all the confidence that she will continue to grow to be the extraordinary being that she is and be able to ignore any negative energy...she does not need the distraction, only love which she gets each and every day :) ❤️

Kris Lea Ward Jul 10, 2018 10:18pm

Took the words right out of my mouth! Awesome stuff

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 8:53pm

Britt Johnson you are a comedian...:) peace

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 8:44pm

Jeanine Galvan Don't forget, I still love you. Peace.

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 8:43pm

Jeanine Galvan You are a shamer. Look within and stop projecting. Stay in your lane and move on.

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 7:16pm

so not only are you teaching your daughter guilt but how NOT to handle stress...yes what a lovely world WE live in...she will grow up to be just like you. peace

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 7:13pm

Prem Anjali YOU are right! Although you are going to get nowhere with this woman she rambles on about her lower standard base belief system. She speaks of intent yet doesn't see or care of the effect the words she uses has on people let alone her own son....time will tell if her experiment works. Respect comes to one who respects their own lives first. peace

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 7:07pm

Britt Johnson you ramble on....I'm sure you think so. peace

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 7:06pm

Britt Johnson "Norm" in this case what WE as human beings consider "civility" respect, speaking to OUR intellect and compassion. These days WE have hit an all time low! YOU are rambling dear lady...Tolerance and understanding? Then rethink the words you are trying to justify. I don't get it! YOU keep mitigating the words YOU choose. WORDS matter they tell a story what do curse words say about YOU? And to teach this to a child? Where does it end? By definition the words WE speak have energy, THEY can create or destroy. WHY would anyone in their right mind want to trash their own thoughts? ...to convey a frustrating feeling? All while WE are teaching children?????? Good luck when your son turns around giving YOU back the same shallow response when you need answers. peace

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 6:44pm

First, you would have to define what you feel is "norm" means? We create our own definitions of what our reality looks like. Lower vibrating energy is also judgment, egoic projections, beliefs and stories we have formed over our lifetime of conditioning. You are speaking of ascention as if it has anything to do with the word "fuck". It has more to do with letting go of the very energy you are projecting outwards as we speak now. The energy you believe you are putting out to help other's become more aware of their actions, contradicts what "waking up" truly means. Tolerance and understading that this is my path and that is yours. There is no right or wrong, victim or villian. Everything is love.

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 6:32pm

Your decision is respected here. I assure you, I move through life caring not of what is "hip". Being conscious can not be defined by words. All words were made by man. They mean everything and nothing at all. Intent.

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 6:28pm

Jeanine Galvan Your words to me above, contradict the very desire you wish to create in this shifting world. Peace

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 5:54pm

No matter how YOU want to justify your remarks....How did profanity become such a norm? There are OTHER more creative developed ways of expression without what was once considered ugly, foul and low class...WE are in this life time to EVOLVE yet people keep the swim into baseness a lower standard as Social Linguistics take US further into the depths of darkness. DARE to be different the real Revolution is the evolution of consciousness. THIS is what WE share with others especially children. peace

Jeanine Galvan Jul 10, 2018 5:43pm

Britt Johnson Karma? that's a laugh with the words you justify to speak...time will tell YOU about the karma YOU are creating...peace

Prem Anjali Jul 10, 2018 5:41pm

I think this & other crass words should be eliminated from the dictionary & conversation. It's been a long journey for me of giving these up and it's led me to be a kinder, more compassionate and conscious person. I wish our culture didn't think these words were so "cool or hip" - can't we get more creative and find more loving and gentle ways to communicate? There's enough crassness in our culture. Let's go high, when others go low...

Christa Annes Jul 10, 2018 2:28pm

Beautifully written...thank you, dear one! 💜

Britt Johnson Jul 10, 2018 1:53pm

Politeness has nothing to do with cursing. And intent has nothing to do with over thinking. I value heart-centered connection and karma.😁

James Buchanan Jul 10, 2018 1:41pm

I don't know. Perhaps you're over thinking it a bit. Being polite has its value personally and for everyone else.

Viannie Escasena Jul 10, 2018 2:34am

Thank you for these words! I sometimes feel guilty about my language sometimes around my nine year old but I’ve read up a lot on this matter and reading this article defenitley helps me feel like I’m doing an OK job as a Mother. A lot of what you wrote is exactly how I feel so thank you. Here’s to raising the next generation of amazing humans ❤️