5.2
October 9, 2018

I Want You in my Mouth.

How do I say this?

You’re alluring.
Curves in all the right places and you smell divine.

The first time I laid eyes on you,
I knew I had to have you.
Like a siren, I couldn’t resist your pull.
All I could think about was you.

Not only did I want you,
I knew you couldn’t reject me.
You’re easy. I can get you anytime,
as often as I want.

My taste buds go on this crazy,
wild ride of pleasure and delight.
I pull you in closer.
But then, something’s not right.

My tummy hurts. You’re too much.
I’m tired now.
Where’d my energy go?
Why do I do this? Over and over?
Each time I think it’s going to be different.

You can’t penetrate the years of hard work
I put into this slim and trim physique.
Not this time.

Before I know it, there you are…again.
You come in the form of extra lbs,
adult acne, eczema, and shame.
Uh, you left this here.
Now take it with you!

You’re supposed to make me feel
good about myself.
You don’t say no to me.
I feel delicious when I consume you.
So why do I feel so crappy now?

I know why—you were an illusion this whole time.
You were a perfect 10.
You wanted me
just as much as I wanted you.
What a dazzling love affair.

We did it in dark alleyways.
We snuck off into the car and I devoured you there.
Spicy big bites. Sour cream and cheddar Ruffles.
Double Whopper with a side of onion rings.
No one knew.
We kept it a secret.

Then, one day it hit me.

You’re the lover who
abandoned me and left me for dead.
You’re the one who made me feel
I wasn’t good enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not sexual enough.
My ass never big enough.

Not. Enough.

So I’m always craving.
Always trying to fill the emptiness
I felt so deep inside.
The abyss of unworthiness
too overwhelming to face.

Until I face you—yes, my dear girl.

I know. Come here.
Your sweet, not so innocent eyes
so sad and lonely.

I crouch down to meet you
at your level.
Your little chest
rising and falling.
I can see your heart beat.

All you ever wanted was
to be accepted.
Loved just for who you are.
Nothing to fix.
Nothing to change.

But you were raised by a
Tiger Mom.”
She didn’t have time
to tell you you were pretty and smart.
She was too busy
pointing out all your flaws.

Sure, you’ve done a fine job
fooling the world, including yourself,
but only until someone
triggers you.

Then, this mad, stuff-your-face
starts again.
Stop! Please just stop!

Crumbled on the ground.
Sobbing.
All I ever wanted was to be loved
just as I am.
Will I ever be good enough?

Oh honey!
I look into your eyes,
and I see the most beautiful, tender
creature in the world.
You’re covered in scars,
both physical and otherwise.
You’re rich with life. It’s knocked you
down hard. You bled.
You shed a million tears.

Yet, you still love.
You still smile.
You still offer your one and only heart.
How can you not be enough, darling?

Look at you.
No, really look.
Can’t you see just how stunning you are?
Beyond the superficial trappings.
Beyond what the world says you’re supposed to be.

You’re enough.

No wait—I am enough.

~

author: Virginia Lung

Image: Author's own

Editor: Nicole Cameron

Bonus:

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azilon123 Apr 13, 2019 7:23pm

Finding the right to face, confront and wage war on all the inner demons fashionably clothed in the garb of deficiencies…having usurped and stolen invitations to sit at your inner, royal banquet and having never paid the least admission ticket to be there. Kick those lustful leeches out your house!

Virginia Lung Dec 8, 2018 10:40am

Thank you all for your responses! Love to you.

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Virginia Lung

Virginia Lung, from Virginia, owns a strength and conditioning and yoga studio in Chantilly. She teaches yoga, meditation, and movement. A wanderluster at heart, the creature that summons her back home is her bossy pants Pekingese, Cashmere. Words can either wound or heal. She’s on a mission to heal. Find her on Instagram.