November 17, 2018

Depression: My Tantalizing, Abusive, Heart-Shattering Seductress. {Poem}

Warning: naughty language ahead!

“Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.” ~ American Psychiatric Association 


She comes unexpectedly,
veiling our joy like an eerie dark cloak.
The burden too heavy to lift, the silky bed sheets
so soft and inviting.
“Stay here with me,” she purrs.
Cozy. Accepting. Poisonous.

No! I must get up and fight another day!
My life depends on it. I’ve come too far
to let you get me down again.

Her grip is strong and numbing.
Cooing me back into the void.
Caressing my spirit with her long slender tentacles,
boa constricting my smiles and lighthearted nature.

Writhing. I reach out and end up pulling
my loved ones down with me. They don’t
understand. They can’t see her. She’s invisible
but all they do see is me being difficult.

“Snap out of it!”

Oh, I wish it were that easy, my dear. I really do.
She came into my life years ago, planting tiny
seeds, hoping they would go unnoticed.
Scoffed off as the period blues, she successfully
went undetected.

Until one fateful day, the force of a meteor
came crashing into my heart, smashing it into
millions of tiny pieces. She emerged full-grown,
towering over my soul.

“Who are you?” I asked.
“I’m everything you repressed,” she said.

Confused and often in a daze. My arms reaching
out in the dense fog to find nothing. No one. No answers.

Some days, she wins. And other times, I do.
I felt her today. She’s very powerful. I’d forgotten
her. Recent pockets of success and momentum
had me thinking, “Shit, I got this bitch.”

A rude awakening, indeed. This time, I acknowledge
her grand presence. I spooned her.
I took deep, chest-cracking breaths.
She felt lighter, more distant all of a sudden.
“Get up,” I tell myself. It’s now or never!

I open my eyes. The lights are coming back on.
“Nothing to worry about folks, just a temporary
blackout. Go on with your day. And, don’t forget to smile.”

I’ll get on with my day, but fuck you with that smiling shit.
Time to rumble.
Each and every day we’re alive is a reminder
it’s a fight to stay strong yet loving, especially to ourselves.
Our lives are precious and one of a kind.
Treat it with some respect. Brush off and conquer the day.

My dark seductress, you’re a beautiful reminder
to welcome the struggle, to accept you. Gulping a big whiff,
ah, you smell real nice actually, intoxicating.
We need to learn how to be with you and listen.
That’s where the magic is,
our golden shadow.

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