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November 5, 2018

Sharing a Love that was Reserved just for You. {Poem}

A lifetime of exclusivity—just me and you.

No one else. Nothing else.
We were in our own little, cozy bubble.
It seemed impenetrable.
We thought we liked it that way.

Regimented. Predictable. Isolated.
Impervious to the outside real world,
we existed in a vacuum.
Exact and calculated, remaining intact.

The house of cards as it turns out.
The facade of it all shatters, revealing
all that we’ve hidden away.
The gems. The gold. The priceless.
The dark. The unloved. The forgotten.

Our most real and raw selves.
Shelved for a moment in time.
We chose to see ourselves in the other,
the ultimate vicarious living.

Was this so-called harmony an illusion?
A question I have yet to answer.
Was our love just skimming the surface of our beings?

We lost who we were in each other.
Digging for our souls
in the pile of years we spent together.
Glassy eyes staring back at us
with no one home.

And so it begins—our journey apart.
Should we never have come together?
In my discovery while away from you,
I learned that I did love you, perhaps too much.
All my love was in your basket alone.

I failed to truly love myself, so busy
making sure yours was quenched first.
My nurturing nature, a poison to the romance
that once existed.
Your laser beam focus and stone-cold ways, at times
became a wall of confusion and assumptions between us.

I left you and everything else I loved behind.
Family. Home. Fur child. All of it.
An epic ‘round the world trip alone.
To say it was terrifying is putting it mildly.

Untethering my love from you was exquisitely painful,
but my very life depended on it.

I grew out of the ground, from the ashes
left behind by my former self.
Vulnerable and disconnected,
I trod forward in the search to rediscover myself.

Along this unpaved path,
I came across an inquisitive soul.
One who asked about my passion project.

Help save the world—one teenage girl at a time.

How my heartbreak led me down the journey
of soul searching, and how my experiences
could be of benefit to tender girls’ spirits
on their own epic trek into adulthood.

Spreading the love?

Does it diminish me?
Could I value myself enough to hold up my boundaries?
Did pursuing other interests outside of the bedroom
lessen my desirability?

Spread the love.

What I’ve learned is love is infinite.
We can afford to share it.
Don’t be afraid to lose it.
Our expression of love expands
beyond our partners. Placing the weight
on just one pair of shoulders is just too great to hold up…
for anyone.

Loosen the clutch. Pry back those tense fingers.
Watch the love blossom under a softened gaze.
It’ll spread and overflow from your well.
We must continue to dig deep.
Check in periodically.
Ensure we’re not running on empty.
Fuel up, my dear hearts.
The holes are there
so that we have air.

Then our soulfire can breathe.

~

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Virginia Lung

author: Virginia Lung

Image: Lauren Villa Photography

Editor: Nicole Cameron