The holiday season has totally consumed us by now. The stress of spending money. The stress of having to deal with family members you spend all year avoiding. The stress of decorating, cooking, baking and cleaning. Husbands worry they won’t get there wives enough. Wives worry that their husbands answer of “I don’t want anything for Christmas” may or may not be true, so then what? We fear we forgot to put someone on our gift list and that person may hate us forever. Did all of the kids get the same amount of presents? Does our child still believe in the magic of Christmas? The what if’s and the I hopes and the I wonders of this holiday season, are what we face first thing in the morning and the last thing we think about  every night.

This was my December every single year for as long as I can remember. It felt so overwhelming when I had my own family and I felt just as overwhelmed, watching my mom and dad be overwhelmed for the exact same reason.

Driving around looking at Christmas lights with the kids and attending the towns Christmas parade was hardly enjoyable for the ones that had all of this extra weight to deal with. At what point do we realize that none of this is necessary? What would it take for us to one day open our eyes to the real magic behind the holidays? I’d like to tell you what it was for me. The day that I saw the true meaning of family. The day I felt what love was supposed to be like during the holidays and every single other day throughout the year….

I remember exactly how I felt during that chaotic time of 2009. We were able to put our tree up literally a week before Christmas. There were very few decorations that we managed to display and my husband was double booking his gigs so we could ensure the best Christmas ever for our children. We were planning this big huge meal for the family… even bigger than Thanksgiving that year. I must’ve asked my kids what they wanted a million times leading up to Christmas Eve. It was so important to me to make sure every single nook and cranny was covered, every request was fulfilled, and most importantly we busted our ass’ to make sure that we were going to have even more presents than last year. I made so many cookies just a couple days before Christmas Eve and I honestly cannot even give you a good reason why, being that our neighbors and friends already received their  cards with our family picture in it. I cannot even tell you how I managed to keep my sanity!!.. we were super successful in draining our bank accounts, totally depleting our energy, and we even forgot to say our “I love yous “ before we went to sleep… but because of that Christmas, I will never forget to say I love you again.

The phone rang late that night and it’s was a high school friend that I hadn’t heard from in quite some time. Her voice was so soft and sweet as she asked me if I were sitting down. She’s gone Shannon, I’m so sorry. I knew right then because there was only one person we could have the “she” in common. What are you talking about? I just spoke to her the other day. Where did she go?… Carrie was her name. My absolute closest friend through childhood up until then. She is in ICU, on life support and is completely brain damaged. They are pulling the plug at midnight. Midnight marked Christmas Day. So many things ran through my head and what ended her life is something I watched her battle her whole life pretty much. That one last asthma attack was too much for Carrie.

I could get into the reasons why Carrie and I were so incredibly close. I could tell you story after story to describe us growing up together and why even our whole families were so close…. but those really wasted words with the big picture of what I am wanting to paint for you. I will say that because she donated her organs, she saved 5 lives on Christmas Day morning… and that was just like her, always wanting to help other people, even if she would be left with nothing….

That Christmas I realized how selfish and ridiculous I was during a time when family should really embrace what love is supposed to be like. Her kids weren’t sad because they didn’t get everything they asked for. They were totally broken because the love of their mother would never be felt,  in person, again. I didn’t care about a Christmas card from Carrie, never arriving to my house. But. I was totally lost because I would never be able to feel the love in her smile… ever again. Her husband didn’t have the chance to stress over wondering if he got her the particular necklace she wanted from the catalog.  He was left to feel the devastation of his childhood love, his soulmate, being taken from his life. The love hat he will never get to say “I love you” to in bed, again.

Why are we using the excuse of a holiday to allow us to forget what love and family should truly be.

There shouldn’t be more love given just because it’s Christmas. We shouldn’t’t be Thinking about those in need only because it’s Christmas. We shouldn’t remember everything our children ask for or watch their behavior a bit more closely just because it’s Chritmas….

Forget the long lines at the stores. Forget the hours upon hours of cooking and getting it right. Forget the gift wrap and the stocking stuffers. All of those things are meaningless if we don’t have the people we love in our lives.

The love we give and the love that we receive shouldn’t have a special date marked upon it… let go of the damn stress people!!!.. And hold on tight to the ones you love and that love you. Be thankful every single day for them, not just the day that we get to be surprised with countless, meaningless gifts. I  could scream all of this out loud because I wish I would’ve showed her more love during our time together. I should’ve sent her a card, just because I was thinking about her. And I should’ve gifted her with my appreciation of her in my life, every single day. What will you have left, without the people that you love?… change things up a bit and try having a merry Christmas with them everyday of the year… I promise that those people in your life will remember your love and gratitude for them always. Every waking second. They deserve that love and so do you!!!