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February 12, 2019

Who can you trust?

I read a quote today that really resonated with me. “Trust is like a paper. Once it is crumpled, it will never be perfect again.” How true is that? Once trust is broken, things will never be the same. Ever. Even if you fake it, even when you seem happy on the outside, there’s a nagging doubt dwelling inside of you. Whether you’ve been lied to, or cheated on, or betrayed in some way, there’s no escaping the insecurity and endless questions that permanently take up space in your head now. The worst part about the loss of trust is that you tend to carry over that pain into other relationships. The lack of trust is like a plague that you’re just stuck with now.

Breaking someone’s trust can happen a number of ways. A simple little lie. Suspicious cell phone activity. Being unfaithful or dishonest (probably the most traumatic). An email to someone you know you shouldn’t be emailing or simply not sticking up for you partner. Any of these things can turn a relationship into a drama fest. To build back that trust once it has been severed is nearly impossible. So many couples continue on though and some make it through. But the insecurity and lack of faith in your partner still lingers. It’s like a dark cloud hovering above you that you just can’t get rid of.

I’ve been in enough wrong relationships to know that without trust, it just won’t work. At least not for me. And I have tried to make it work, I have tried to forgive and forget, but the forgetting part…forget about it. I remember being in relationships where I was lied to, or secrets were kept from me and I was so desperate to make it work, I would convince myself that it’s not so bad. I would convince myself that my insecurity was just working double time or that it was all my fault. And sometimes I’m sure it was. But that’s how powerful the break of trust is. It’s a dark chain of events. The betrayal, the denial, the insecurity and questioning, the disappearance of self worth.

What I didn’t know, is that every heartache, every tear filled night, every break up made me stronger and it lead me to something even better! The quote “every time I thought I was being rejected, I was just being re-directed to something better” is scarily accurate. I didn’t see it at the time. I was hurt and couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. Fast forward a few months, and I was thanking God for sending me on a different path. Little did I know, He had it all planned out for me, exactly as it happened. He has all my days planned out. What a comfort that is!

A lot of people just can’t be trusted. We are all just flawed humans. But there is an overwhelming comfort in always being able to trust God. What a relief! To know that He had every single day of my life planned out before I was even born. I am constantly learning and I don’t need to worry about tomorrow because God is already there (I have this sign hanging in my house). But the truth in that is mind blowing. I do not need to worry about tomorrow, or the heartache, or the confusion. It’s already mapped out for me! Thank you God!

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11

“God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand His wisdom, but we simply have to TRUST His will” – Psalm 37:5

“TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5

“Don’t panic. I am with you. There is no need to fear for I am your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I am not letting go” Isaiah 41:10,13

These scriptures have given me so much hope. Since renewing my desire to seek God, I worry so much less. How wonderful is that? Knowing God is the one in control and He knew me before I was born. He has my life mapped out already. What do I have to fear? Nothing. NOTHING! Because God protects me, He guides me, He loves me and He knows exactly what He is doing. God is who I can TRUST with everything. All aspects of my life, all of my burdens and fear, I can simply give it all to Him. He’s got this! And He knows what is best for me.

So please remember, when you’re hurting or confused, when you’re angry or scared, just think about how much God loves you. He loves us so much, He sent His son to die for us. He’s not rejecting you, He’s re-directing you because He knows that you deserve so much more. He’s the ultimate protector. Instead of dwelling on past pain, I thank God for all of my blessings and for knowing me better than I know myself. There’s really nothing better than that. Faith in His perfect plan has made me a better person. A happier person who worries a whole lot less than I used to. Because He holds me in the palm of His hand. I wake up and put on the armor of God and know that I am safe. I am stronger than I give Him credit for. His love for me is unimaginable. His plan for me is divine. I have nothing to fear anymore.

In God we TRUST!

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