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April 27, 2019

And if it Doesn’t Feel Orgasmic, it’s Not Your Calling.

 

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A woman whose name I don’t know changed my life.

Together with a man whose name I do know.

I was on a retreat, she sat on stage. The man asked her questions to help her find her calling. I was a bit skeptical, but also highly curious.

She didn’t always know what to answer, and was thinking a lot. Until he asked her that one question that seemed to enter her in a new and different place.

Her answer came out fluently, and she started to radiate. I don’t mean this metaphorically—she literally became another person in that moment, and the whole audience could feel it.

She had just found her calling.

And I was baffled.

I had been looking for my calling for 14 years, and I still hadn’t found it—and it took this lady a mere 14 minutes to find it.

I had been looking in the wrong places for my calling all along. I had been looking for my talents and passions, because all of the career tests and job coaches were pointing me that way.

I knew I had some talent for writing and teaching, and a passion for design and personal development. But to label these things as “my calling” felt incredibly unsatisfactory. These were not the things that defined me at my core.

That day, while sitting in the audience, I learned that I was right—my talents have nothing to do with my calling. As the man on stage, Anurag Gupta, said:

“Your calling is not what you do, it is about who you are. It is about a certain quality or feeling you are most suited to bring into this world.”

Then he asked the 500 of us in the audience straight away: “What quality or feeling do you love to see most unfolding in other people?”

I knew it! It was the exact thing I just had witnessed on stage with the woman who started to radiate. Later, I was able to give words to it:

“My calling is people shining their light.”

This new-to-me concept of calling brought about an orgasmic sigh of relief within my whole system. Ahh, I could finally stop pushing. I could stop trying to “manifest like a maestro.” The only thing I had to “do” was to be myself and shine my light.

After that special day, one-and-a-half years ago, I decided to switch from being a marketing consultant to becoming a calling coach. Since then, I have guided 88 people to find their calling.

I will share with you what I have found so far. May it be of benefit:

Your calling is a feeling.

Your calling isn’t about the words, it’s about the energy behind the words. It is about finding a feeling that hits home for you.

We’re not talking content, we’re talking frequency. A beautiful way to put it, is that our calling is our “home frequency.”

This is hard stuff. Our minds so desperately want to run the show and decide on our life’s purpose, but they can’t—it’s not their field of expertise. The mind can tell us about logic, not about feelings.

Letting our minds decide about our calling would be a bit like letting our minds decide about our life partner: not a great recipe for success.

There is only one organ able to support us in our calling endeavor, and that’s our heart.

It’s mighty scary. The heart is capable of deeply knowing, but only in the present moment. It cannot give logical reasons. We might not be able to explain it to others. That’s why every calling session I give is not just about finding a calling, but just as much about surrendering. Surrendering to a knowing that is so ancient and profound, but at the same time so marginalized and ridiculed in this society: the knowing of the heart.

Most of the people I work with are surprised when they find their calling. They start to cry, they laugh out loud, or they are reverently silent for several minutes. Before starting the session, they didn’t realize their calling is something they can actually feel in every cell of their body.

It makes them come alive.

If it doesn’t feel orgasmic, it’s not your calling.

Your calling is not just any feeling that you “kind of” like.

Your calling is a quality of being that touches you in the same way that your favorite song does, or an orgasm does. It doesn’t have to make logical sense, it only has to feel incredibly good.

For one moment, recall one of your favorite pieces of music, or your favorite movie scene. Or even better, listen to it or watch it. It touches you at your core, and might give you goosebumps. It is a pleasurable, visceral thing—and way beyond the mind.

And most importantly, there is nothing you feel that needs to change in that moment. You are one with the moment, and that brings a deep joy and contentment.

Your calling touches you in the same way.

We’re not just talking about our values here, that’s way too light. Our calling is something that wakes us up, shakes us to our core, and gives us the feeling of “this is why I am here on earth.”

What do these callings look like? To illustrate, here are some examples of callings from the people I’ve worked with:

“My calling is people feeling connected”

“My calling is people experiencing freedom”

“My calling is people being in bliss”

“My calling is people knowing truth”

“My calling is people experiencing pure joy”

“My calling is people coming home”

These words are nice, but only tell 10 percent of the story. I’d love for you to be able to see the faces of the people when they actually find their calling so you can feel it. In this video, you’ll be able to see just that—it consists of screenshots I made during online calling sessions, at the exact moment that people connected with their calling.

Feeling good is a prerequisite to finding your calling.

We are only able to perceive our calling in the moment when we are deeply connected to our hearts. Optimally, to discover our calling we should bring ourselves first to an elevated state of being. Why?

Because we can only see as far as our frequency can take us.

In other words, when we feel down, we’ll become masters at bringing up all of our weaknesses and failures from the past. Conversely, when we feel deeply joyful, there’s oodles of space to see the beautiful truth of who we are. And our calling forms the core of that truth.

Seeing other people connect to their calling has brought me to tears, to my knees, and to a place of awe.

During these calling sessions, I don’t “do” anything; I don’t give advice, I don’t set life goals, and I don’t try to talk someone out of negative beliefs about themselves.

The only thing I do is point you to your inner light switch.

Once I found my own switch, I realized I had carried my truth with me all along. From this radiant feeling, my negative beliefs seemed tiny and melted away, and I had access to all the answers. Now, it’s something I can always go back to.

This is what I wish for everybody.

What is your favorite feeling in the world? Let me know in the comments, or ask me your calling question.

Thank you for reading.

“Your calling is not about what you do, it is about the frequency you bring into this world while you’re doing it.”

 

“The calling moment”

 

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author: Ayla Verheijen

Image: Author's own

Image: ayla_verheijen / Instagram

Editor: Julie Balsiger