3.4
April 10, 2019

3 Ways we can Stop the Mom-Guilt & Tap into our Divine Nature.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Elephant Journal (@elephantjournal) on

Motherhood is one of the highest expressions of the divine feminine, it is a superpower that we, as women, possess, and represents the ultimate creative energy at work.

As mothers today, we face unprecedented pressure to adhere to so many unrealistic standards of perfection, that we often feel isolated and overwhelmed by the daunting task of “doing it all, and doing it perfectly.”

In the process of giving motherhood our all, we often forget to tend to our own needs and we easily lose ourselves. We suddenly identify solely with our role as mothers and forget that we are also women, wives, daughters, sisters, friends, but above all we forget that a role is just that—a role—and it does not define our true essence.

We are often so immersed in mommy-ness that we start to feel guilty the second we step out of that realm even if only momentarily. We forget to do more of the things that spark joy and aliveness in us, and consciously or not, we start neglecting our own health and wellness.

Some changes do inevitably come with motherhood; you may call them the fine print or the unwanted bonuses. Our sleep, for one, is never the same once we have children, no matter how much time passes and how old they get. Our tendency to worry becomes a natural state, like a computer program that is always running. Our ability to let go and be present is often lessened because our mind is always going, whether we are playing magicians and are trying to predict or anticipate our child’s every need and want or whether we are playing catastrophists and are busy foreseeing all the possible worst-case scenarios.

The more we train our mind to live in the moment, to be connected to our instincts, and to really experience motherhood as it unfolds rather than stressing over what it’s supposed to look like, the more we will be tapping into the divine nature of this gift.

Here are three things to help us remember the divinity of motherhood:

1. You are not alone.

Being a mom is hard—hell, it is the hardest thing I have ever done and will ever do! But what makes it even harder is feeling alone in it. A lot of times, as moms, we subconsciously compete with each other instead of using each other for support. It’s easy to get lost in our own egos and start obsessing about outdoing one another in how well our kids behave or perform, using it as a way of measuring our own self-worth. This is a real shame, because there is so much to be learned and shared amongst mothers.

Motherhood itself can also be isolating; sometimes it’s just us and our children all day, every day and we lose the opportunity to connect with other adults and to feel appreciated, listened to, or supported. Join a mom’s group, call your friends, share your most intimate fears and apprehensions with fellow mothers. Your vulnerability will be appreciated—every other mom out there can and will relate, no matter how “together” they look from the outside. Feeling truly connected to other women will be empowering and create an environment of sisterhood.

2. Notice and Shift Your Self-Talk.

Mothers are their own worst critics, and we can easily fall in a routine of negative self-talk as we identify any natural downfall of our children as our “fault.” Mothers love to blame themselves for anything that doesn’t fit their own ideal of how a child should act. An ideal, may I add, that is the result of what our upbringing and our society has made up for us. We often forget that an ideal is by definition the opposite of real.

Try complementing yourself not necessarily on the outcome of your effort but on the effort itself. As mothers, we often attach big meaning to small things that in the long run won’t even matter.

3. Practice Real Self-Love and Self-Care.

We all know the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” How good a job can we really do in supporting our children if we neglect our own needs and forget who we really are? And who we really are doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be authentic and real. Self-care and self-love are not about getting manicures and going to the gym for an hour—even though these are perfectly good things to do! Self-love means that fulfilling your needs, your dreams, and your desires is just as important and honorable to you as attending to your responsibilities and your obligations.

Self-love also means that you honor all the parts of yourself without blame or judgment, and you are able to show up as your best self because you took the time to heal, nurture, and love all the bits of you that needed mending.

And finally, let’s remember that perfection is never the goal, in any endeavor we take. The goal is collecting as many meaningful moments of love, connection, fun, rawness, and pure joy as possible, knowing that the less than perfect moments are inevitable. It’s okay if you forget to make your child’s lunch one day, or you are not on the board of your local PTA, or if your child gets a bad grade, or if you find yourself partaking in yelling matches—nobody ever said it would be a smooth sail, nothing ever is.

Forgive yourself, and release the ideal of what a good mother would do or say, and what a good son or daughter would do or say. Accept yourself for who you are and your children for who they are, releasing both from these made-up standards.

After all, the divine feminine is all about embracing the darkness, in order better to appreciate the light.

~

author: Vita Semeraro

Image: @elephantjournal/instagram

Image: Janko Ferlič/Unsplash

Editor: Naomi Boshari

Relephant bonus:

Let's talk about Maitri: the difference between Self-Care & Making Friends with Yourself.

You must be logged in to post a comment. Create an account.

Dr. Dawn Davis Apr 25, 2019 10:11am

Great, I’m all in and agree wholeheartedly. Any suggestions for how exactly to forgive ourselves when it doesn’t go so well?

rjinteriors Apr 13, 2019 3:43pm

Society is very confused….From a Buddhist perspective you can’t love others if you don’t love oneself. It’s constant; day by day reflecting on “What Would Buddha Do”? The Buddha is within, how can I bring my Buddha nature out to connect and benefit myself and others at the same time. We all have a purpose and it begins with polishing oneself so we can reflect to others their perfect nature. Elephant is a wonderful arena for people to grow and share, thank you!

Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.

Vita Semeraro

Vita Semeraro is a holistic health coach, a yoga teacher, a writer, a single mother, and a self-growth enthusiast. She is originally from Italy and founded VitaSana Flow in 2016 to share her findings in her never-ending journey to self-healing, self-love, and self-actualization with the intent to inform and empower others. She takes a holistic approach to wellness and health that embraces the mind, the body, and the spirit.

Vita believes that cultivating self-love is the premise to living a healthy and fulfilling life. She encourages self-love as a radical daily practice expressed by the thoughts we think, the food we eat, and by cultivating a spiritual and mystical life. She received her Integrative Nutrition Health Coach Certificate in 2017. Her nutrition approach encourages a gut-healthy, whole foods, mostly plant-based diet that is good for both the body, the spirit, and the environment.