July 8, 2019

A Manifesto for those who are Done with Love, Light & Positive Vibes Only.


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I don’t believe in “positive vibes only.”

I don’t believe in only “love and light.”

Show me your darkness instead.

Terrify me. Surprise me. I want to see the real you beneath your sparkling smiles that don’t last for long.

I want to taste your tears and smell your sadness. I need to connect with the human in you—not some super spiritual ideal that doesn’t exist.

I don’t believe in “God will solve this.” No god wants to deal with the shit we bring on ourselves. We have to deal with it and grow from it.

I don’t believe in any god that others sell out there.

Can I find my own god? Thank you.

Because none of the above is realistic.

Life will twist and turn, and we will screw it up many times and then get back on track.

Life will flow and nothing will be in our control, and so I have learned that having more than positive vibes at times is a must for me to be a fully integrated human being.

I need sadness as my precious companion to make me aware of things I have lost touch with.

I need anger to tell me when I’ve let people step all over my boundaries without realizing it, leaving me drowning in invisible waters.

I need to cry sometimes because my emotions are made of water and salt.

I need to go a little mad at times so I can create sanity within myself.

I don’t believe in some spiritual concept that says, “when you lose your mind you become spiritually awake.” Fuck that.

I was given this mind to cope with it, to create with it, and to master it.

I was given this brilliant—oftentimes fucked up—mind to become aware of the reality around me.

My mind is not wrong. Neither is yours.

And when it is, and sometimes it will be, you will know it. The intelligence inside you will let you know so you can adjust and build anew with each day. 

I don’t believe in, “I’m always positive and if I’m not I try hard to be because this is what the Law of Attraction tells me.” 

The harder you try to do anything, the more you fail. It’s like a law of physics.

The emotional law of gravity will pull you back to your inner world where you have to face your own darkness and finally accept it as it is, so its energy can slowly transform into something beautiful—if you let it. 

I don’t believe in any form of religious scripture. I like to read, but I don’t need anyone else’s “food for thought.”  

I don’t believe in “always be nice, even when others aren’t.” Fuck no. I used to hold this belief for a long time only to find myself at the corner of the bed drained and crying because others had stepped on my boundaries and disrespected my vulnerable heart. 

I don’t believe in any concept that creates standards for how a woman needs to be or behave.

I am not the kind of woman who fits everywhere, and I’ll never be—it’s just not who I am at my core. I will be respectful of other’s privacy and space, but never so well-behaved that everyone will like me or I’ll fit anyone else’s shoes. 

I don’t believe in being quiet when I am called names on the streets or cat-called by ignorant men (or women). When I’ve had enough, I will walk over to these people and explain that I’m not here for them to entertain themselves.

I don’t believe in being polite or having manners, but I do believe in honor and respect. And if I need to be straightforward, I will.

I am in the middle of a huge internal transformation, which has led me to love exposing my body—because it is new to me. Because it makes me feel sexy and has become a source of pleasure for me. 

I am learning to connect with the erotic goddess within, as she is someone I feared most of my life due to my societal and family background and conditioning. But I am not my family and I don’t belong to any society, even though I live in one.

So if you see my posts online—in my new bikini or wearing those eight-inch heels—know that my spirit is having fun. It is as simple as that.

If my posts make you uncomfortable or trigger you in any way, that’s a good opportunity to look inside your inner world and identify your dark corners instead of projecting your fears on me by calling me a “bitch” or accusing me of trying to “advertise my ass.” 

I don’t give a fuck if you are a man or a woman, trans or unknown gender, white or black. I care about what is within you and what you are putting out in the world. I’m interested in your essence, in that invisible spirit within you and how it manifests itself.

That is what connects me with others.

If you are not having fun with your life,
if you are not finding ways to excite yourself,
if you are not exposing or exploring yourself,
if you are not playing more than worrying about your bills,
if you are not creating anything,
if you are not feeling alive,
if something is missing,
if you don’t question your outworn beliefs, you are wasting your life in the name of safety,
in the name of what’s comfortable.

And none of that will make you whole or fulfilled inside.

Forget about god and go explore, question who you truly are in your skin, bones, and flesh.

Forget about what others are selling out there and go somewhere quiet (the bathroom is my favorite place for this) and feel what is going on within the walls of your mind and the rise and fall of your chest.

That’s the person you need to get to know before your life truly begins.

Don’t worry about what others think. What matters is your heart, your mind, your Being.

Go and find her or him.


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