April 3, 2018

Be Love, Be Light, but Don’t be a Doormat.

We found these pretty helpful too: 

The Childhood Wounds that Keep us from Setting Boundaries.
The Buddhist notion of Idiot Compassion.


“Living in the light” and speaking your truth mean the same thing.

Communicating that you are angry, cutting toxic people out of your life, feeling pain, or saying “no” are not things that lower our vibration.

There can be a tendency in the bubble of yogi circles and wellness coaches to silence any feelings that are deemed “negative.” If you are depressed, well, it is certainly because you are not meditating enough. You should treat everyone with kindness, even someone who has stabbed you in the back. Can’t pay your rent this month? Well, you are just not living in an abundance mindset. (Please insert eye roll here.)

I am here to tell you that being a lightworker and having a backbone are not mutually exclusive. To be a being of love and light, you must have a spine—and if you are a yogi, it is most likely a pretty flexible one. But it still supports a strong body and mind.

To deny our human experience and all the reactive feelings that go along with it, when we live and breathe daily in our meat suits, is absurd. To guilt or shame our very real reactions to injustice, cruelty, and even typical “mean girl” cattiness is to dull out a part of the lessons we receive by being in these lives, and in these bodies.

So how do we find this balance? How can we be love, vibe high, and, at the same time, not be a doormat? Here are a few suggestions:

Own Your Sh*t.

Before you criticize anyone, engage in a confrontation, or make any rash choices, know that we all have baggage. The stories that we have been telling ourselves about self-worth, the traumas that we might have been through, the tragedies we might have faced, all of these make up the story of who we are.

None of us are coming to any situation with a clean slate and a clear mind. Whether these are our lessons to learn, our karma, the universe’s plan, or completely random, they shape us. They will shape every interaction we have with others. Accept the reality that you see is biased, because you are seeing it through the lens of your past.

And that is okay!

But realizing that we might not always be right, and that things are open to interpretation can be helpful to not get too dragged down in being reactive, angry, depressed, and so on. Always try to take a step back. Maybe living in the light is realizing that most of us, deep down, need more compassion. We jump to conclusions that are fear based, and listen to our egos. Maybe we all just need more love. You, too.

Be a Badass with Your Boundaries.

Guess what?! You don’t owe everyone a hello.

I know, crazy, right?

You don’t need to answer every email. You can delete a nasty comment on your Facebook post. You don’t need to respond to every interaction that comes your way. Honor your intuition, and set boundaries for yourself.

You can see that a person needs healing, and also realize it is not your job to heal them.

Setting boundaries looks different for everyone. It can be as simple as setting a timer, and in that time, responding to your emails and messages. When the timer is done, you are too. Time to log off. It can be a simple ritual of showering at night and imagining any mucky energy being cleansed away from your body. It can be blocking people on social media. It can be saying no when you are asked for yet another favor. These actions are not mean, or “low vibe.” They are the practice of self-care through setting and maintaining your boundaries.

Let Yourself Feel.

Shutting down your sadness or rage does not bring you closer to enlightenment. Being spiritual does not mean smiling through gritted teeth when people are rude to you, or treating you unkindly. It does not mean ignoring your depression and refusing to get the help you need, while dousing yourself in green juice and melting in hot yoga classes. You are allowed to shout when you are angry. You are allowed to curse. You can hurt, cry, and be pissed off—and still be love. And still be light. And still be a kind human.

The trick is feeling these things, honestly and deeply, and then choosing to keep shining your light anyway. It’s filling your own cup, and then filling the others around you, with love. We could not waste another moment of our time and energy on people who bring us down. And, if needed, tell those energy vampires to back off.

It is acknowledging the healing powers of yoga and meditation, while still seeing the need for therapy and Western medicine. It is finding humor and laughing through tears. It is running outside to get your endorphin boost, but also making time to journal on what pissed you off that day—and why you are ready to let it go.

It is taking the vitamins and supplements that help with your mood, but also not making time for the people who don’t treat you with respect. It is the true, deep, dark scary realization that life is not fair. And sometimes, it sucks. But we can always choose to see the good too. Even on the darkest days and the hardest nights, we can always come back to the light.

Shine on! And don’t be afraid to say, “No.”

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3 Steps to Learning to Experience Life Fully.




Author: Logan Kinney
Image: Unsplash/Matthew Brodeur
Editor: Travis May
Copy & Social Editor: Nicole Cameron



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