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2.2
July 24, 2019

All single women should be dating multiple partners. Here’s why

All single women should be dating multiple partners – here’s why

International relationship and dating expert Sami Wunder explains what rotational dating is and why we should all embrace it… 

When we hear the term rotational dating what do we think of? Many of us instantly dismiss the idea because we assume this means sleeping with multiple partners.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Rotational dating is about spending time with more than one person, getting to know them, and only offering exclusivity to one who is ready to offer us the same commitment in return.

It’s one of the most powerful ways a single woman can enjoy dating and meet the love of her life quickly. This has become more important than ever in this modern, fast-paced world when many of us choose to settle down later in life.

Here’s why rotational dating should be the norm – and why we shouldn’t fear it.

What is rotational dating?

Put simply, the concept of rotational dating is dating more than one person at the same time, until we’ve found the one we want to commit to, and who wants to commit to us.

It’s up to us what this commitment looks like, as long as it makes us feel safe in the love of a partner. This may be becoming their girlfriend, moving in with them, or getting engaged.

Until we reach this point in a relationship, we keep our options open and go on “connection dates” with as many people as we like.

 

Is rotational dating about sex?

No. Connection dates are non-sexual – they are about meeting different people, to evaluate compatibility and find true, lasting love.

Cinema dates, walks in the park, coffee dates, visits to museums or exhibitions are all great examples of connection dates.

This allows us to chat to potential partners, get to know them, spend time with them, and, for as much as possible, avoid getting into the sexual zone with any of them.

With no time pressure, it helps us to find the partner who is the best fit for us in the long term without getting blindsided by quick sexual chemistry.

I’m always surprised when people think that rotational dating is too liberal or too forward – in fact it’s quite the opposite, it’s the modern alternative to the traditional days of “courting”.

Benefits of rotational dating

1/ It prevents us from focusing too much on a new partner

We’ve all been there – one date in and we’re thinking how cute our niece would look in that bridesmaid dress. We forget that the process of dating is about getting to know people, not jumping into quick relationships that play out better in our head than in reality.

When we meet someone we like, we tend to hyper-focus on them and obsess over when they’ll text or call, whether they’re into us, and if our parents will like them.

This person soon becomes the centre of our world before we’ve even had time to know if we’re compatible long term.

Sadly, the usual outcome is heartbreak when this person we’ve given our all to ghosts us at the two-month mark or tells us that it’s not us, it’s them.

Rotational dating helps to combat this by reducing the focus we have on any one person, until the time is right. Until then, we’re just dating, and keeping our options open.

Psychologically, this can have a big impact on how we approach the whole dating experience. When we get that text, we’re less likely to obsess over it. Those niggling feelings of insecurity – am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? Do they like me? – which seep in and can cause a potential partner to withdraw, are kept at bay.

This protects us from emotionally over-investing in someone who may not be right for us.

2/ We experience a whole range of people

Do you have a type? Most of us think we do. But when we settle down with the first person who comes our way, or who seems our type, we’re missing out on a whole range of other people who could give us the kind of partnership we’ve been looking for.

Rotational dating gives us the freedom to expand our horizons – for example if you’ve always thought bankers are your type of partner, you might be surprised when you meet an artist who makes you feel safe, secure, loved, and happy.

It’s time for us to open our hearts and challenge our inner beliefs, by getting to know people of diverse backgrounds, professions, and interests.

3/ It saves months, or even years, of our lives

It’s natural for us to feel that we’ve wasted our time when a relationship goes wrong – whether it was a six-month or six-year coupling.

But with rotational dating, we don’t settle down with anyone quickly, unless they offer us the level of commitment we want and deserve – so no more wasted months of being with someone who is not ready or willing to give us what we desire.

4/ The best person wins

When we rotational date, the low-effort suitors will fall by the wayside pretty quickly. They include: the ones who are only looking for hook-ups and the ones who want an instant relationship, so they have someone to take care of them.

We can also take the time to observe how each potential suitor treats us which will help to more easily identify red flags.

This leaves us with only the best of the dating pool left – people who are not just about sex or a quick fix for their lives, and who are ready for a real relationship.

Keep your eye on the prize

And no, I don’t mean the person you’re dating – I mean you. In love, we are the prize. And we must never forget that we are all desirable, worthy, and precious.

Rotational dating is one of the most powerful ways to feed our self-esteem, because it gives us real life proof of our desirability.

So, enjoy taking a dip in the pool of high-quality suitors, and remind yourself every day that you are a beautiful woman, worthy of respect, affection and adoration.

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kinetical Jul 24, 2019 5:26pm

Not having sex is just not an option people consider anymore. Resisting sex past the third date is deemed to be extreme behavior now, but it is exactly that resistance that causes attraction to grow. And relationships depend on sustained attraction, as well as mutual respect and understanding. There is a lot of learning and a lot of pleasure that can take place in that space between two people, if they don’t rush into getting stuck together too soon. This is the way a foundation is formed, so that you have some appreciation of the value of what you are getting, and some idea of the other person’s expectations.

kinetical Jul 24, 2019 12:00pm

It’s tough to make that work in practice because right now we are in a situation where men feel entitled to near instant sexual gratification from women. They always have the option of the younger more gullible woman who is willing to take a chance on a sexual relationship, and the men I know will not consider living without sex for more than a couple months. They will not consider having a relationship witha woman if they don’t have access to sex with her. A woman they are not having sex with would be a friend, and chances are the woman they do end up sleeping with will take precedence, and they will not be allowed to be friends with another attractive woman. The woman who is willing to have sex wins in the short term, but loses in the long run because that initial courtship phase of getting to know someone without having sex, is essential for establishing trust and foundation for a lasting relationship. So yes, this is the right thing to do, and not just for women in their 30’s and 40’s but any age really. And we need to all do it, and support each other in finding relationships that work.

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Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a leading international relationship and dating expert who specialises in working with high-achieving women, helping them to attract lasting romantic love. Her clients range from Hollywood celebrities to CEOs, bankers, doctors, authors, leading entrepreneurs and more. Sami’s company has served over 2,800 clients and recorded 130 client engagements and more than 100 committed relationships in the past three years. For more information visit: samiwunder.com.