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July 4, 2019

Love with no expectations. By Toni O’Keeffe

Despite my dating and relationship mis-adventures, I remain a hopeful and optimistic romantic. What have my own relationship follies taught me? this~ We Must Love With No Expectations.

When we surrender to loving authentically, with no expectation, we release ourselves and our partners from the burden of jealousy, anger and the fears that often creep into our romantic relationships.

When we impose expectations, behaviours or issue ultimatums, we’re almost always disappointed. However, when both partners give affection freely and feel supported, understood and appreciated for “exactly who they are” both partners flourish and grow.

We can’t control another persons behaviour nor can we force anyone to love us, to change for us or to make us happy. My happiness is my job. Your happiness is your job.

One does not ask a rose to bloom before its time, nor do we ask it to grow into a daisy or a tulip. So we can’t expect our partners to grow into something they’re not, or expect them to bloom before it’s their time.

If our romantic relationships are going to be successful, we must enter these relationships with our eyes, hearts and minds wide open. This means we enter our relationship knowing exactly who our partner is, and accept them “as is” without the expectation that we can “fix” them or that they even want to be fixed.

It’s not your job to fix or heal your partner. However, when we love authentically with no expectations our partners may be motivated to heal or fix themselves or, to ask for help if they need it.

We don’t choose who we fall in love with, but we do choose how we behave and what we tolerate in our relationships.

Love should NOT leave us feeling anxious, stressed, frustrated, manipulated, fearful or hopeless. Love should leave us feeling respected, happy, excited, grateful and hopeful. If it doesn’t, the question is NOT “How do I fix this person or make them change” the question should be, “Is my life better because of this relationship?” If the answer is no, then you, not your partner, has a decision to make. You are not responsible for their behaviour. You’re only responsible for yours.

Love is meant to lift us up not tear us down. Love should be an amazing adventure of trust and discovery where both partners cheer each other on as they grow into the best versions of themselves.

This short piece I wrote awhile ago sums it up;

“Accept me as I am,
Trusting that together we’ll both grow into the best versions of ourselves.

My flaws, my imperfections are a part of me and my journey to discover who I am.

If we walk side-by-side, carrying all that we are, our loads will get lighter as we learn and grow together.

We will abandon behaviours and unpack the things we’ve dragged through life not because we’ve asked each other too let go, but because we’ve learnt that these things no longer serve us.

I will not bloom before my time nor will I ask you to grow into anything but who you are meant to be.

So take this journey with me, love me as I am, I will love you the same way, as you are, because I know with you, I’ll come to understand the beautiful mess I’ve been, and the beautiful miracles we’re both growing into.”

Toni O’Keeffe~❤️

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