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I probably need to put a trigger warning on this post.
There is a myth in some spiritual circles that by telling people to take responsibility for everything that happens to them—the good, the bad, and the ugly—that we’re victim shaming or blaming them in some way. This could not be further from the truth.
Healing requires acknowledging that we play a role in everything that happens to us—whether we like it or not.
Everything is energy. We are walking balls of energy. The device you’re reading this on is energy. The chair you are sitting in right now is also energy.
Energy attracts other like energy—that’s the basic tenet of the Law of Attraction. Everything that is a vibrational, energetic match is drawn to us, including the things we don’t want. Why? Because even though we don’t want it, we’re still putting energy into it that will bring it to us. The only way to keep it from showing up is to stop putting energy into it.
The energy of “don’t want” doesn’t repel anything—it actually brings things to us. Saying “I don’t want to be broke” will keep you broke. Saying “I don’t want to be sick” will keep you sick. Instead, we should say things like “I want to be financially abundant” or “I want to be healthy,” even though those things aren’t necessarily true right now. The energy needs to be focused on what we want, and not on what we don’t want.
So what does that have to do with healing and taking responsibility for my life?
This was the work I had to do in my relationship with my mother. I’ve never had a good relationship with my parents, and I used to spend a lot of time in blame: blaming my mom for not working on her own stuff or doing the work I had done via therapy in my late teens and early twenties.
It was only by releasing the blame, forgiving her (she was only doing the best she could from where she was), and healing myself that I was truly able to move forward in my life.
As I awakened, this expanded to everything and everyone around me. I had to stop blaming other people for my feelings. It’s not their fault I feel the way I do, regardless of what they did or didn’t do. It’s mine, and I have to take responsibility for it. By doing so, I feel happier, I’m in control of my own energy, and I’m continuing to work on my stuff.
I get that this is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. The important part though is starting.
This is our job—all of us: heal our stuff so it stops showing up in our experience. We do have control, and it’s time to take it.
When bad things happen, we immediately blame the other person for the bad thing—it’s a normal, human response. In truth though, both parties have to be a vibrational, energetic match for those things to happen. Nobody consciously says, “I want this bad thing to happen to me,” however, we can be in a low enough place energetically where those things occur. This means that the only way forward is through healing.
Our energetic vibration can be fixed by healing our pain and trauma, our low self-esteem, our lack of self-worth, and our fear and anger. Once we can acknowledge that we’re a vibrational, energetic being that is attracting things based on that vibration, then we can begin to see how the pain and trauma we hold onto affects our vibration.
As long as we’re projecting outward and blaming others for our pain, we can never fully heal. The only way to fully heal is to bring all of that inside of ourselves. Ask yourself: what emotional pain and trauma, what anger, what resentment am I holding on to that caused me to have this experience?
It’s not about bashing or blaming—it’s about taking responsibility for our own energy and using that as a jumping-off point for healing.
By taking responsibility for our own energy, we understand that it’s that energy that’s creating our reality. If we don’t like our reality, we need to fix our energy. Taking responsibility for our energy is taking responsibility for ourselves, and ultimately for our own healing. We can’t do one without the other. They all work together.
The next step is forgiveness. It’s time to let the other person off the hook. Our pain isn’t hurting them; it’s only keeping us stuck. Forgiving them frees our energy up to continue healing.
Blame is a natural part of the healing process. That said, it’s important to work through so we can continue the healing process. Releasing the blame and forgiving the other person allows us to give yourself permission to heal. And as long as we hold on to blame, we’re not taking responsibility for our own energy and healing, we’re projecting that responsibility onto someone else—who probably doesn’t care whether we heal or not.