September 8, 2019

The Messy Process of Letting Go—it is Not Easy.


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We all have gotten our hearts broken at some point in our lives.

And it doesn’t just include heartbreak from the one you loved or the one you dreamed of living with for your entire life. Hearts break, and they can break from anything that means a lot to us.

Remember how you cried when you were in kindergarten and your favourite pencil disappeared from your pencil case and you never found it again? Wasn’t that heartbreaking…losing the pencil that you loved so dearly? And remember when your best friend from school became someone else’s bestie and you felt like the loneliest kid on this planet? That hurt, am I right? But somehow, you managed to get over those losses. You grew up, you became mature and understood that losing a pencil was a trivial loss to cry over.

You made a new best friend who has been with you since then. You got over those teenage crushes that ended up hurting you more than they had made you smile. You got over those few marks you had lost in your favourite school subject because of a silly mistake you made on the answer sheet. See, you get over every hurt, eventually. Some took longer than others, while some are still hidden in deep corners of your heart, but you have at least stopped crying over them.

Then, what is it in that guy or girl who you still cry for? Why is it that even the mention of their name breaks your heart all over again, giving you another night of swollen eyes and tears? Why is it that every time you try to move on, you still look behind in the faintest hope to see if things could work out…still? Why is it that their name flashes in your mind as soon as you read, “if it’s meant to be, it will be”? Why does it seem impossible to get over that one person?

Honestly, I have no answer.

You discuss your heartbreak with people, and their advice starts pouring in; the most common being, “be strong, time will heal.” This sounds like a cliché hearing it over and over again, but time does heal. The only difference is that nobody knows how much time this wound will take to heal. “God is watching over you,” they say, then where was God when He let that person hurt you? Why couldn’t God touch his/her heart and fill it with as much love for you as you carried for them? “Maybe God has better plans,” comes the answer. You hear, you accept, and again you try to move on but…you fail, yet again.

If letting go was so easy, then no heart would ever break. Letting go is much easier said than done. It takes courage, strength, and willpower to let go of someone with whom you had dreamed of spending your whole life. You dreamed of marrying that person, growing old, having kids, dying…but suddenly, they left and your world came crashing down. They left you alone, crying at 3 a.m. on the bathroom floor clinging to their memories. They left you to celebrate your first hug, first meet, and first kiss anniversaries all alone. You look back and cry your heart out every single day while trying to figure out what went wrong, what mistakes did you make, but you find no answer. How will you find the answer when the fault was not yours at all?

It’s been months since your break-up, and you are still crying. You thought time would heal, but it has done nothing. Your eyes pour tears as if they had never cried ever in life. You question yourself that how many tears can these two little wonders cry? There are times when you cry but your eyes aren’t crying…it’s your heart that screams in pain.

Now, I don’t have any advice to give. But I have some questions to all those who have not healed, even in months or years.

If I may ask, how many times did you allow yourself to heal? How many times did you keep pricking those wounds by digging deep in the memories you had with the person? How many times did you try to love your scars, your past, and to become comfortable with it rather than wait for time to do its healing?

Time won’t heal unless we allow ourselves to be healed.

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