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October 29, 2019

How to Drop Something Like its Hot (when its not good for you!)

Alternate Title: How letting go -of what doesn’t serve us- is our path to freedom.

I had first written about this topic -letting go of what isnt serving you- in reference to our ability to recognize exactly “what isnt serving us” by acknowledging our own feelings; good or bad, and using them as guidance to help lead us into the direction of our bliss and/or the highest visions or potentials for ourselves. We learn which way to go by acknowledging and tuning into how we feel.

To take it a step further, once we feel our way into the realization that something is no longer serving us (or is toxic to our health or well-being) and we are aware of this, what is the next step???

The first thing we must do is to stop or end whatever it is, despite how strong, familiar or comfortable the attachment and/or desire is, whether it be a person, place or thing.

This alone may sound a bit too simple to be applied to complex situations but it really is that simple.

If it’s bad for you, its gotta go!

A toxic situation, relationship, addiction, behavior/reactive pattern, etc has to cease fully and completely, at least for a long enough period of time to wipe the slate clean and “reset” ourselves without said attachment, or else it will be extremely difficult not to fall right back into repeated toxic patterns/cycles with said person, place or thing.

A firm “starting over” is absolutely vital to maintain our integrity long enough to navigate a clear path. It’s a multi-layer untangling process that is likely to be uncomfortable but a necessary part of the journey.

Think of it metaphorically like a traditional classroom chalkboard. When we use the chalk eraser to wipe away the words of yesterday’s lesson to make room for today’s lesson, sometimes you can still see the old words underneath. If the eraser wasn’t quite successful in clearing away a previous situation, it will bleed through into today’s lesson and make it difficult to find clarity and/or start fresh/anew.

Previous lessons (the past) will continue to affect today’s lessons (the present) if a (toxic) attachment isn’t wholly/wholeheartedly released.

It’s a MUST for an attachment to be completely severed from oneself and/or wiped away clean to make room for new, clear path.

Once we have taken that first big jump away from said thing, it can understandably be a painstaking process, requiring a lot of strength and patience to keep self from wandering astray and back into the arms of what is familiar and comfortable, what is easy.

But if we continue to keep our head up and our vision forward, (not constantly looking back or pursuing the object of our desire) and continue bravely putting one foot in front of the other, hour by hour, day by day, one step at a time, a “new you” begins to take shape. One without whatever it is. One without the need for whatever that is. It only takes one step at a time and nothing more. And this forward motion will eventually create a new, healthier, normal. The past/attachment becomes less significant or less impactful on the new you of today.

For a time following new beginnings, healthy distractions may be a necessary redirection in place of said desire, especially if we are digesting and processing a lot of feelings related to the loss of attachment.

Healthy “distractions” or tools, can help us move forward with more ease. Exercise of various forms, Yoga, singing or dancing, good books (self-help, growth, development are great), community connections, some version of activism or social justice, places in nature, writing, walking, volunteer opportunities, new hobbies or adventures, family or other support systems – whatever inspires a sense of purpose or passion – will help to keep us moving in the right direction.

Actively pursuing healthy habits that propel us forward or call us higher will help keep us purposeful on our path, especially while “withdrawing” from the toxic relationship or situation.

This will take some serious guts and willpower but if we take it one day at a time, the overwhelm lessens and peace follows.

There may be a transition period “between lives” where we may be negotiating a balancing act between the old and the new. It is the ultimate challenge to all aspects of self as we peel away from one life and rebirth into another, to feel as if we are leading two lives in one body, one of the former self and one of the new. But as we create this new sense of self, the life or situation that is behind us gets further and further away (like looking back in a rearview mirror). At first the attachment is in full view, but the further you move forward into new way of living, the less visible or significant the past/attachment becomes.

This is an act of (pursuing) freedom, a dropping of weights so we can fly/succeed/reach our highest potential.

To detach from something that no longer serves us offers a valuable life lesson in learning to trust ourselves and move beyond our self- imposed limits. It is an opportunity to realize our own capacity to grow, and fully embody the strength of our character, a lived- out recognition of our capability. It is a lesson in self-mastery. When we can let go of aspects of ourselves or our lives that we outgrow, we can then consciously refine ourselves (and our lives) into a better, clearer version of who we hope to be.

This is spiritual alchemy in action, transforming ourselves in our real lives through shedding layers of untruth, only leaving what is true for us and whatever serves that truth. It is not to say that the trouble/attachment is over for us completely but that we are that much more capable of handling anything else that comes our way.

Come what may, we now know our way, and that letting go is our path to freedom.

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Brandy Gray  |  Contribution: 2,350