Normally I wait till I’m not right in the middle of it but since everything else around me is changing I thought, why not this too. I just finished eating eight girl guide cookies, the mint kind. I just finished my first shift at a local coffee shop. I just realized I am living right now without a goal…without a direction…without knowing why I’m here.

A month ago, I knew. I was on a mission to help women discover how totally capable and epic they are.

Today, I am the woman who wonders if she is epic enough. And it’s not because I don’t believe in myself. It’s because my course has changed so drastically and I don’t know what to do with the in-between of it all.

Multi-talented.

Multi-passionate.

Multi-faceted.

I am all of these and more.

I am a poet.

An author.

An artist.

A creator.

A photographer.

A speaker.

An advocate for change.

A constant surge of creative energy courses through my veins and as much as I want to say, “It’s ok, I can just enjoy what I create…” My heart and soul want something more. It’s that something more that has always driven me and it’s still there but right now, at this moment, I don’t know where to aim my arrow so to speak. I have good aim, I am strong enough to hit the mark but this fog that has crept in around me is what I want to shake off.

And so I am doing my best to be at peace with all of this. I am doing my best at not having to have this mean something just yet. I am doing my best to be intentional about this pause in my life but it aches, it hurts, it’s hard to wonder what to do with these hands, eyes, and heart that know what is possible but are unsure of where to speak this out.

The truth is,  I don’t like this. I want the next steps. But even as I write these words I know this is truly where I am at and amidst this, I am still the vibrant, courageous woman I have always been. I’m just a little lost right now and that’s okay, I know I will find my way. It can be hard to love yourself when a part of your identity has been lost or displaced. It can be challenging to see how gifted and incredible you are but not sure where to place your energy. It’s tough to see others so focused and on a path and to be compassionate with your own journey recognizing that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you too are on the right path.

Our lives matter no matter where we are or what we are doing. This brings me peace in a way. To anyone who is feeling displaced right now know that this feeling will pass. Trust the passion and fire within you. Lean into this dark place until the light pokes through. We are enough amidst the muck. We can be proud of ourselves for not slapping on the fake positivity and for meeting ourselves where we are at. We are here now and that is enough.