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November 11, 2019

Letting go of a Piece of Myself: a Hysterectomy Story.

You are a piece of my body.

The piece of me that signifies life’s balance of fortune and pain.

You are the piece of me that I will cherish and thank forever, a piece of me that welcomed my firstborn.

You are the piece that protected her until she was ready for the world nine months later.

You are the angel of our soul.

You are the piece of my body that brought hurt I never knew possible, a piece of me that welcomed him, yet knew he was not meant to enter this life.

You are the piece that let him go, carrying a piece of my soul.

You are the piece of my body that guarded me once more, a piece of me that welcomed another being and prevented his soul from entering this life.

You are a piece of me that did not fail me again as I once believed, a piece of me that kept us both safe.

You are the piece of my body that saved my soul from drowning, a piece of me that harnessed my second child. A piece of me that gave her growth for nine months and released her to join her family.

You are a piece of my body that gave my firstborn a sister, and a piece of me that would prevent me from bearing more children.

You are the piece of my body that was protecting them, a piece of me that knew they were not meant for this world.

You are a piece of my body that gifted my two most indescribable joys, and a piece of me that prevented life and caused the most indescribable pain.

You are the piece of my body that decided I cannot have more children.

You are the piece of me that no longer keeps me safe, the piece of me that needs to leave.

You are the piece of me that served me well.

You are the piece of me that I’m now letting go.

~

“His little face smiled at me as he waved down from soft clouds in the sky. This was the first time I saw his beautiful face. He was never born into this world. Although it’s been several years, he chose this moment to find me. His peaceful eyes wanted me to feel the same. He nodded his head and smiled so big. Now I know he is happy, and he is telling me to let go.”

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