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November 21, 2019

The Fine Line Between Love and Fear

Love and fear are both polar opposites on the scale of human emotion and the driving force behind absolutely everything. Unfortunately, humanity gets so caught up on labeling things we fail to see that every action comes either from a place of fear or love.


What is Love?


So what is love? Writers, musicians, and artists all over the world have tried to define it, all stemming from this belief that it is an emotional connection to someone or something. Most people place the energy on the other as being the source of this love and thus they begin to see it in a certain form. When that form acts against their preconceived notion of love, fear develops – expectations are not met and the connection becomes damaged. The person may then adjust their lens to accommodate the behavior of the other and maintain that connection. They do this because they are afraid to lose their initial, pure feeling of love. Thus, chasing results. A person will chase another person or thing in order to gain back that pure experience and they will. They will find connections and those connections will have a sense of purity, but it is temporary. It cannot be maintained while it relies on the outside world for confirmation. So, this sparks the understanding that love is ever-present, in every moment when it is emanating from the heart at a love frequency.


So then, what is Fear?


Truth be told, a lot of people love out of fear. It provides a false sense of security to attach to a person or thing and expect that connection to give back to you. Judgment rears its ugly head when a person’s expectations are not met in a partnership and they may try to control their partner by dictating what is right and wrong (what is love to them) in order to fill the love void within themselves. But love is a frequency. It cannot be owned or controlled. If a person returns your expectations, they are doing so out of fear of losing you or fear of disharmony, not from a pure state of love – simply to be. Because of this, the connection is not pure, and both will inherently feel this impurity.


The Fairytale Paradigm


So, if love is a pure frequency, then how do you bring this into a healthy reality? This is where it gets tricky. You have to learn to align with yourself so that you may feel this frequency within. When you find love in everything and everyone, moment to moment, you are operating in a state of pure harmony – no more suffering. What is really hurting us are these constructs that others have created through art, music, poetry, etc. that love is this divine other being that fills our void and answers all our prayers. Love cannot be lost. It can only be found within the self and once found it is the key to happiness – you are your fairytale you seek. When you operate from this frequency, there is a level of compassion and understanding for all that is around you because it is a part of your own creation – your thoughts are your reality, and everything is love because you’re operating from a place of love.




So then, does partnership serve a purpose? Well yes, I’ll argue it does because we are creatures of habit and we have primal needs to fill. We weren’t created to be alone otherwise the whole concept of creation wouldn’t involve another. How do you hold a connection with someone when the connection could go awry through the pendulum swing of fear/love? That, to me, is true self-mastery. I actually do strongly believe that it is possible to grow your entire life with another human being. However, both must have the understanding and grace to recognize when the scales tip and return to a state of equanimity within themselves. And is there such a thing as romance? Yes, I think romance is the most pure expression of love – when both ignite in pleasing the other in equal give and take, this makes the frequency even stronger, but again it has to come from both individuals loving themselves enough that they are capable of expressing their love to the other, free from the expectation of reciprocation, or to put it bluntly, free from validation.

Please review my piece on self-love vs. narcissism for more information on how to grow in authentic self-love.

For information on metaphysical subjects or if you have a keen interest in learning Tarot, please visit Best Tarot Decks. For a reading, you can reach me on my personal website or you can find me on Instagram. I will also be releasing a memoir soon, Entertaining the Boogeyman, which details my journey from fear to love.

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