Women love when their partner is fascinated and fascinating.
He is fascinated.
When a woman feels she is the object of her partner’s fascination, she will stay interested. What does this look like?
- He pursues her. This is often where women lose interest, particularly in the early stages of dating. Men: woo her. Never stop wooing her. This means picking up the phone and calling instead of endless texting. This means reaching out regularly. I once heard a guy friend say ‘if a man goes 48 hours without contacting you, he’s not interested.’ It’s true, and a woman feels it. If a women is left wondering how you feel about her as a result of your absence, she will lose interest fast. To hold her interest, the rules of courtship apply: flowers just because, opening of doors, arriving on time, all manner of gentlemanly behavior, and most importantly, regular contact. If you had a great date, tell her. This is less pep talk, more observation: fascinated men can barely hold themselves back from reaching out and not soon enough. Speaking personally, if a man doesn’t call me 24 hours after a date, I start to lose interest.
- He is curious about her. He wants to know what makes her tick. He would rather ask her questions than talk about himself. Because how else will he get to know what moves her, what angers her, what makes her cry? (It’s Toy Story 3 btw). And not questions like where she works & lives, but questions that get to the heart of how she sees the world. When a man doesn’t ask these types of questions (or any at all), women lose interest.
- He wants to please her. He wants to know how to exceed expectations. I was once on a date where a man asked me “How often do you prefer being communicated with and in what way?” Subtext: I really like you and I want to hit a home run. This was awesome & very hot. When a man is fascinated with a woman, he will continually position himself to surpass all potential competition. If a man’s not trying to find out what pleases her (I use ‘trying’ loosely because for a fascinated man, it’s a delight and not work), women lose interest.
- He desires her. He tells her he wants her. He never stops telling her. He gets specific about how he desires her. Trust me men, this will keep her interested. Long, long time.
- He is taken with her. He is captivated. Even the trivial things are attractive because it is her that’s doing them. She could be walking around the house in yoga pants, but to him it’s Look at that amazing woman wearing those cute black pants. There’s a verse in Song of Solomon that encapsulates this: “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.” His lady: flower. Every other woman: thorns. No one compares to her. Not a single one.
- …He tells her so. It’s not just that he’s taken with her, he communicates it. Speaking personally: when a man is liberal with how he feels about me, my heart melts and simultaneously becomes magnetically attracted to his. His verbalized interest solidifies mine. Tell her you adore her. Tell her ‘when you do x, it makes me feel like superman.’ Verbalize all those wonderful things you’re thinking about her. If you’re thinking/feeling it, and it’s complimentary, SAY IT. The results will be in your favor 😉
He is fascinating.
When a man is fascinating, a woman will stay interested. This is a man who:
- is curious about the world and is a life-long learner
- has values and lives by them
- has deep, meaningful relationships (family and friends)
- respects his body & takes care of it
- takes real risks, and consequently, has interesting life experiences
- has hobbies/pastimes that bring him enjoyment
- is living out his purpose
He’s figured out what he wants to contribute to the world and is doing it. He’s ambitious but also takes time to relax and have fun. He’s intentional about building and pouring into those important to him. He wakes up each day excited to learn, do, contribute. A fulfilled man.
All of these things are a life force for him. He doesn’t need a woman to complete him. He has a full, thriving life already. He’s got it going on. He’s someone she can lean on, learn from, respect, and desire. He’s fully perfect & external to her. And that grounded, stable presence pulls her in.
Fascinated and fascinating
I was recently at an event where the speaker could not stop talking about his
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