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December 16, 2019

2020: It’s time to F*ck It. 

Now. It’s time. Time to say it, to do and to live it. It’s time to be unabashedly brave in this next decade, to be untamed, unfiltered and unapologetic. It’s time to say fuck it, fuck that and fuck you to opinions, people and bullshit that doesn’t matter.

It’s time to pick my battles, pick my people and their places in my life. It’s time to step out of the game altogether knowing that’s precisely what winning is. It’s time to give more of myself to myself and less to those who don’t give me anything but grief.

It’s time to start trusting my gut instinct instead of believing what I am told, naivety can fuck it this year. It’s time to recognize that if someone thinks they have a problem with me but isn’t close enough to me to discuss it that they in fact, only have a problem with themselves.

It’s time to stop the apologies for being too emotional, too kind, too boisterous, too sexy, too passionate, too loud, too quiet, too bold and unquestionably stop apologizing for being too sensitive. My strength is found in my sensitivity.

Instead it’s time embrace my awkward dorky self, my too muchness, and my willingness to be seen exactly as I am and tell you exactly how I feel about you, ask me: I dare you because 2020 will be about transparency, authenticity and brutal honesty.

It’s time to be responsible for how I want to feel, look, be and act. It’s time to stop playing down to the ignorant, insignificant or up to the ideals of others. It’s time to say goodbye to reliving the endless loop of past mistakes, missteps and missed hits. It happened, its done now, I’m over it, old news. It’s time to defiantly love my insecurities, inadequacies and idiocies instead of shaming them. I used to hate my smile, now I wear it proudly.

It’s time to put my hair in a messy bun, pull my shoulders back, turn up the music and get ‘er done. It’s time to not only acknowledge what’s holding me back, but grab it by the balls and fight relentlessly against the negative self talk that has decided I am defined by all the things I’m not instead of every incredible thing I am.

It’s time to not give in, not give up and not back down. It’s time to break down the walls I’ve built to keep people out and to keep myself in. I’m about to get comfortable in the discomfort of my vulnerability. It’s time to love more of the people whom are my everything and let go of those who want everything.

It’s time to be free to feel joy, free to exist outside of the bounds in which others think I should, to be free from comparison and judgement. It’s time to not play small because I’ve prioritized the feelings of others over my needs of myself. It’s time to say fuck it to people pleasing that feeds my subconscious egocentric need to prove I am worthy because fuck it, I am. I am enough in my messy imperfection. Take me as I am, a whole lot of woman or take the exit on the left.

It’s time to shake up the status quo and live outside the comfort zone, it’s time to acknowledge that just because it’s the safer option doesn’t mean it’s the right one and just because someone doesn’t like the words doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be said.

It’s time to challenge the version of the story that has been told, to ask the hard questions and listen to understand the complexities of the answer with compassion and empathy. It’s time to respond instead of react and simply accept that some people will only ever understand from their level of perception. It’s time to change the conversation to matters that move us forward not ones that pull us into the deafening polarities of right and wrong.

It’s time to care more about what matters and less about what doesn’t. It’s time to change my mind as much as I want to, and grow up as much as I need to but mostly 2020 will be about boundless unconditional love. Loving the sound of my feet as they walk away from everything that’s not meant for me. Loving myself enough to expect the best to happen when I love others and the world exactly as they are without the need to change them.

So with my heart on my sleeve and my boots to the ground, I’ll forge into this decade declaring it the year of Fuck It.

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Paula Taylor  |  Contribution: 5,795