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December 3, 2019

Agender & Nonconformist: What it means to Live Outside the Binaries.

Growing up without a sense of clear identity or security

turned out to be a guarantee of nonconformity.

Binary boxes only confuse me.

I’m a gender contradiction

I was born as a woman,

Who at one point in life wanted to be a man,

partly because I thought it would guarantee my protection.

I didn’t think my gender of birth was a mistake,

But deep down I knew that how I felt

wasn’t going to just go away.

I played with both trucks and dolls growing up,

and I still have a lot more fun gaming than clubbing or hooking up.

I liked pretty things and playing in the mud.

I like both sci-fi and romcom.

I’m both deeply logical and emotional.

I have no desire to have or raise children.

I’m not looking for another husband.

I’m not a tomboy or a girly-girl. I’m somewhere in between.

I’m just as comfortable in flowing dresses as I am in jeans.

I often wear lipstick in public, but I feel gender-less most of the time.

I think makeup enhances beauty,

it shouldn’t be the marker of only one gender’s identity.

Is it because I was objectified for most of my younger life?

Or did the binding binary always feel like a ruse, a mere disguise?

I feel more authentic in severing those ties

that bind me to either side of the spectrum.

Maybe it’s my evolving spirituality,

Or it could just be me,

But most of the norms for either masculine or feminine

don’t feel authentic to me.

Don’t stick me in a corset

or in a suit,

my gender-less feelings of neutrality,

with just a touch of fluidity

is my truth.

This isn’t about sexuality,

that’s another story,

I’m not going into that territory today,

but suffice it to say,

I’m an artist

who’s here to defy the normative

and smash the restrictive gender narrative

While fighting for the right

to be who I truly am.

Not one or the other,

I’m a nonconforming

Human.

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