Growing up without a sense of clear identity or security
turned out to be a guarantee of nonconformity.
Binary boxes only confuse me.
I’m a gender contradiction
I was born as a woman,
Who at one point in life wanted to be a man,
partly because I thought it would guarantee my protection.
I didn’t think my gender of birth was a mistake,
But deep down I knew that how I felt
wasn’t going to just go away.
I played with both trucks and dolls growing up,
and I still have a lot more fun gaming than clubbing or hooking up.
I liked pretty things and playing in the mud.
I like both sci-fi and romcom.
I’m both deeply logical and emotional.
I have no desire to have or raise children.
I’m not looking for another husband.
I’m not a tomboy or a girly-girl. I’m somewhere in between.
I’m just as comfortable in flowing dresses as I am in jeans.
I often wear lipstick in public, but I feel gender-less most of the time.
I think makeup enhances beauty,
it shouldn’t be the marker of only one gender’s identity.
Is it because I was objectified for most of my younger life?
Or did the binding binary always feel like a ruse, a mere disguise?
I feel more authentic in severing those ties
that bind me to either side of the spectrum.
Maybe it’s my evolving spirituality,
Or it could just be me,
But most of the norms for either masculine or feminine
don’t feel authentic to me.
Don’t stick me in a corset
or in a suit,
my gender-less feelings of neutrality,
with just a touch of fluidity
is my truth.
This isn’t about sexuality,
that’s another story,
I’m not going into that territory today,
but suffice it to say,
I’m an artist
who’s here to defy the normative
and smash the restrictive gender narrative
While fighting for the right
to be who I truly am.
Not one or the other,
I’m a nonconforming