December 19, 2019

Triggers & Tools: How to Navigate Conscious Relationships.


Twin flame romantic, conscious relationship is, in essence, an intense workshop where the love and deep desire for connection, intimacy, inner union, and a return to oneness is the ultimate name of the game.

We heal and learn and grow together and sometimes, just when we thought that an old shadow was totally transformed, another layer is revealed to be seen in the light of consciousness.

In this way, we can alchemise the old compost of what is past and nourish new blooms of growth to be enjoyed in the springtime of our ever-renewing relationship.

This is the work of twin flames. Though, at times, we may forget that this is why we came together because a scared, wounded child and an equally scared ego will twist and distort the truth and project, usually onto the person who we most long to be close with.

Eckhart Tolle succinctly expresses this when he writes: “Sometimes the fault that you perceive in another isn’t even there. It is a total misinterpretation, a projection by a mind that is conditioned to see enemies and make itself right or superior.”

I feel it is important to state that it is normal, when doing this deep shadow work, to find ourselves lost in the maze of the projecting mind. The challenge and opportunity is to see how quickly we can find our way home to our centred and clear higher self each time we get lost.

The first time we find our way out of a maze, it may take a long time, but the next time we may recognise some familiar markers that help us find our way. Eventually, with practice, resilience, perseverance, and commitment, when we find ourselves lost with unhelpful internal commentary taking over our minds, we will find our way home more swiftly.

It’s as if the more times we get lost and found again, we create a worn pathway that is easier to follow each time we make the journey. Eventually, we don’t need to enter this particular maze at all. It becomes obsolete because the old story has been removed from our unconscious and we no longer vibrate with its lower frequency. This is the work that will come up particularly fast and quick if you are in a twin flame relationship.

Recently, a new maze presented itself and I found that I was lost alarmingly regularly, projecting and saying things to my partner that were unkind or not really true. Sometimes, it feels as if we are possessed by a crazy emotional entity and once we return to our higher self, we look back in disbelief and wonder at who or what on earth was speaking through us!

It’s usually our inner child or a paranoid aspect of our minds. Eckhart Tolle refers to this as “the pain body.”

You see, none of us had all our needs met when we were young since we were all raised by parents or carers who were carrying their share of generational wounds that they inherited. Conscious relationships will always bring out our unmet needs.

We were all raised in a society that is far from optimal for our mental and emotional well-being. The bigger and deeper the trauma we experienced as a child, the more challenging and complex the mazes are that we have to find our way out of.

So, how do we find our way out of the maze when it feels as if we are just going around in circles?

Often, at times like this, the best thing to do is stop, because it can be quite a challenge to find your way out of a mind maze with your mind as the only tool; especially when we consider that the maze has been created by the mind in the first place!

But this is when we realise that there are different aspects of our minds. The higher mind can guide the lower mind and when uncomfortable emotions are activated, the lower mind can behave like a terrified tantrum-ing child and will refuse to see reason. When we become aware of this, it is definitely a good time to be still, to stop.

If I can’t find my way with my mind, then the best thing to do is go for a walk or lie down on my bed and get comfortable. Before long, I find the familiar landmarks that remind me that what is being triggered is an old wound that is ready to be healed and that my frustration, anger, or discomfort really has nothing to do with what my partner is doing or saying currently.

So I lay on my bed and bring my awareness to the sensation in my body of the emotions that I am feeling. I quiet my mind, and each time it launches into another tirade of projection and blame, I just let the thoughts go—I don’t follow them, but bring my attention to the physical sensations in my body. Sooner or later, the mind gives up and peace begins to descend.

The emotions we have carried are asking to be felt so that they can be set free. As they leave our bodies, we feel them, but we don’t attach a story to them. They are old feelings, which we were not able to feel and express fully at the time.

When we think of our childhoods and how emotionally constipated we are in the west, it makes sense that there may be a whole reservoir of old feelings that reside within us, whose time has come to be emptied out.

Stay with the body sensations as best you can, for as long as you can. Half an hour to an hour is my recommendation. Sometimes when I get up from the bed, I can still feel the uncomfortable emotional sensations, but as long as I don’t restart the unhelpful thought patterns before long, peace descends.

At this point, I usually find myself asking, “What was all that about!?” And a sincere apology to my partner is often due! Fortunately, she has her own badly-behaved inner child too, so we both get better at humility, forgiveness, and compassion along the way as well.

It’s important to remember that the triggering service that our twin flame is providing is an amazing gift (though it may not feel like this at the time). My beloved is a poultice; drawing everything that is not in alignment with love within me to be purged and cleared and healed.

And I provide the same service for her. This is an aspect of love that is not common knowledge. Understanding this helps me immeasurably as I navigate the challenging and beautiful journey of twin flame, conscious relationship.


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