Why more and more people experience feelings of loneliness in a relationship

 

Unfortunately, you can feel lonely, even not being alone. Loneliness is a fairly common phenomenon that can harm the family no less than apparent conflict. Among clients of Online Divorce in New Jersey, about 24% of couples said that they had become gradually estranged, and this feeling led to their divorce. Other family relationships surveys show that more than 40% of couples suffer from feelings of loneliness in a relationship.

 

As for loneliness after a divorce, it is natural and passes over time as a person goes through all the stages. Divorce, like loss of a loved one, has the same steps. If a person lives out these stages fully and does not get stuck in the illusions or the past, then life will gradually get better. But the feeling of loneliness can become chronic if a person does not survive the divorce and separate psychologically from the former spouse. But what about feeling lonely in a marriage? How can it be explained, and is there a solution besides getting a divorce?

 

 

Common misconceptions and causes of loneliness in a marriage

 

Psychological consultations are often attended by people complaining of loneliness in a relationship. More often, women complain of a feeling of loneliness next to the husband. It sounds crazy: a person has a partner, but experiences loneliness! But that’s not weird since loneliness appears if a person feels invisible or misunderstood by other people. For example, if your partner does not accept what you say or doesn’t listen to or show any interest in things that are important to you. People can talk, but there is no real intimacy between them, and therefore, there is no real dialogue taking place. So “loneliness together” is real.

 

When creating a family, many people want to “own” another person, not realizing that everyone needs their own space. Each person has their individual needs and subjectivity. The ability to listen and hear the other, as well as the need and the ability to be heard yourself, makes it possible to build a healthy relationship. But do all people know how to do this?

 

Sometimes the feeling of loneliness in a relationship occurs over time as the nature of the relationship changes. There are different stages of a relationship, and each of them poses a new challenge for the couple. The partners start living together and meet new tasks like giving birth to children, changes in careers, and home improvements. Common goals and plans change as family life changes. On this path of family development, disappointment, irritation, and fatigue are difficult to avoid.

 

It is natural to have a passion for waning. Early in a relationship, there is a strong connection, confidence in each other, and as a result, the desire to spend life together. As time goes on, one partner may feel that the other has become less interested in the relationship, has become more inattentive, or even indifferent. There is less romance, and the eyes don’t shine like before. If someone has the illusion that the relationship must always be the same as in the first year, then such a person is likely to experience feelings of disappointment and, perhaps, loneliness.

 

On the surface, it seems like a simple problem to solve. If the husband needs emotional support, and he talks about it, the task of the wife is to support. If the wife does not receive enough attention, and she talks about it, it is the husband’s task to listen to her. But do people always talk about what they lack? And do they always take into account what has been expressed by their partners?

 

 

If it is your feelings, then who is responsible?

 

Many couples lack honesty and the ability to have a frank conversation about their desires, feelings, and needs. They let things pile up inside, feeling more and more lonely. Sometimes, one partner will seek a conversation, and the other partner does not consider it necessary to talk.

 

Additionally, loneliness in a relationship can also be experienced in a situation where a person wants more space. His or her partner cannot see and accept the personal boundaries and perceives the desire for solitude as a betrayal. This behavior by the partner is a peculiar form of aggression, which leads to both partners feeling lonely.

 

So it isn’t about talking all the time. It’s about whether the individual emotional needs of each spouse are satisfied, and above all, whether each spouse’s personality is recognized. When constantly feeling ignored or invaluable, a partner will initiate communication less and less. They begin to close themself off. Eventually, the spouses find that they live emotionally apart.

 

Here are the underlying emotional needs of a person:

 

• friendly support and communication;
• to be heard and understood;
• feel caring;
• receive recognition and feel your worth;
• be accepted;
• to love and to be loved.

 

Even a very private person, a loner, has the same basic emotional needs, especially when it comes to marital relations. Each person tries to open up to their loved one, but everyone does it differently, within his or her temperament.

 

Before you file for a divorce, you should ask yourself these questions: Are you alone in a relationship, or does it only seem that way to you? Do you notice your partner? Are doing everything possible for your spouse or are just doing what is vital for you? Are you trying to understand your spouse as a separate person?

 

In successful relationships, everyone is responsible for their own happiness, and it is this self-sufficiency that allows you to share with your partner generously.

 

Do not make excessive sacrifices with the only purpose to get your partner to show you his or her appreciation. As a result, even if the partner gives you what you want, you will not be satisfied because you will know that this was not his/her spontaneous and sincere desire.

 

In order not to feel alone, do not let your loved one feel alone. Try to understand your partner and give him/her something that will make him/her happy. Not all partners are made happy the same way. They can be different in temperament and have different hobbies. The main thing that unites people in a relationship is respect for themselves and each other, instead of infantile egocentrism.